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Original poster

No invites this summer

51 replies

Seago678 · 20/08/2022 15:27

Anyone else's kids never get invited to play or to see friends in the summer? Almost year three now, and I know it's got to be two way but I feel for them! (Last summer I had kids round, no invites in return so I have tried before to reach out - I just find it exhausting as my kids have aln)...am I alone in this?

OP posts:
sanityisamyth · 20/08/2022 17:57

DS8 has never had any invites to play from any of his classmates ever. He doesn't seem particularly upset about it. What you've never had, you never miss?

Fixyourself · 20/08/2022 17:57

You really can’t complain if you haven’t sent any invites yourself.
Pick a friend and send a few date options.

Original poster
Seago678 · 20/08/2022 18:05

@Fixyourself I do. But it's tiring it's so one way so I've not bothered in ages. If I don't though, nothing happens of course.

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Original poster
Seago678 · 20/08/2022 18:07

@sanityisamyth true! My dc have literally directly said agreed to get together with their friends, they've all asked their parents in front of them, the parent says oh yes and it never happens....

OP posts:
Original poster
Seago678 · 20/08/2022 18:09

@GoneWithTheWine1 @PastMyBestBeforeDate thank you, great ideas. They've five a few aln activities this summer but not made any friends as far as I can tell! We'll keep trying!

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Original poster
Seago678 · 20/08/2022 18:12

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER I guess at least she's honest ..but it does take the piss a bit to never invite back even to go to the cinema or something low key now and again. I think it's great you kept the play dates invites going tho, it's what the kids need that come first :)

OP posts:
Teets · 20/08/2022 18:14

Seconding local FB forum for ND kids. Lots going on...and lots of people in the same boat.

Original poster
Seago678 · 20/08/2022 18:16

@Teets thank you :) going to make more of them for sure xx

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ChorleyFMcominginyourears · 20/08/2022 18:18

I know how you feel, I have 2 sons 1 with a severe learning disability and 1 with autism and a daughter who is NT. My daughter is always having friends round and going to theirs but my sons never did (eldest is 17 now and youngest 12) they didn't have behavioural issues either, they are both extremely quiet and shut down in situations rather than have outbursts and be destructive etc. I always figured that other parents assumed they did so didn't want them round theirs 🤷‍♀️ sorry you're going through it too, it seems to happen a lot when you have ND children.

Teets · 20/08/2022 18:20

Yay! I only just discovered FB local stuff myself. I remember Year 3 age being the hardest and wish I'd stumbled upon this world earlier. You are not alone and it does get easier, gradually... x

lollipoprainbow · 20/08/2022 18:21

@ImissChametz no not a helpful response at all so why did you post it ? To show what a wonderful fun House you have and fun mum you are ???

Original poster
Seago678 · 20/08/2022 18:23

@ChorleyFMcominginyourears thanks for sharing, yes there's a lot of misconceptions isn't there? I honestly don't know if they just get forgotten about sometimes...

OP posts:
Original poster
Seago678 · 20/08/2022 18:24

@Teets I wonder why yr3 is so hard?!! I kind of thought COVID may have disrupted a lot of natural friendships firming maybe...but I think it can be that now! I will try different avenues though :)

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autienotnaughty · 20/08/2022 18:27

My Sen ds never gets invited. He's not good at making friends so assume he's not on other kids radar plus I think often the parents are friends too. I do sometimes invite but never seem to get an invite back. He's not violent/aggressive but he does need things to happen in a certain order and still follows his routine even if others are there. So I think the asd puts other parents off.

Beamur · 20/08/2022 18:30

I think unless you have easy 'friends' like neighbours or cousins, play during the summer can be really patchy.
My DD is older and to try and plan a specific actio, she and 3 friends shared their schedules for the summer. There was literally one date they were all free.
Have you any Forest Schools near you? DD went to a few summer camp type thing when she was younger and really loved them. She's quite socially anxious but the Leaders were amazing at giving each child a good experience.

notanothertakeaway · 20/08/2022 18:30

ImissChametz · 20/08/2022 16:55

What does aln mean?
If I was in your position I would just do as much as I can ie days out, fun activities.
What ages are your kids?

I have 3 daughters and kids are always wanting to play at ours because we have a "fun house" my daughters have never asked to play at anyone else's house, they are happy to play with each other.

Sorry if this doesnt help OP, just wanted to give you another perspective....

@ImissChametz

What part of "everyone wants to come to my house because we're so popular" was intended to be helpful to OP?!

OP, I used to invite lots of my friends / DC's friend over pre-covid. Since then, I have found it difficult to get back into the way if socialising. I suggest you try not to take it too personally

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 20/08/2022 18:39

I have an ASD child and for most of primary school the invites were all one sided, same CF parents happy to drop their kids at mine and never return the favour. I just sucked it up sorry. Secondary was much better he found a good group and they all have plenty of reciprocal meet ups. It gets easier is all I can say.

lollipoprainbow · 20/08/2022 18:46

My dd10 has ASD and is never invited anywhere either yet her friends mum is more than happy for her child to come to mine on a regular basis.

SpringMum30 · 20/08/2022 18:47

I planned on arranging some and loosely agreed with a few Mums but we’ve just had a lot on so didn’t get round to it.

sanityisamyth · 20/08/2022 18:55

Seago678 · 20/08/2022 18:07

@sanityisamyth true! My dc have literally directly said agreed to get together with their friends, they've all asked their parents in front of them, the parent says oh yes and it never happens....

Mine never even gets that far :( I'm convinced he's ASD. I put posts on FB saying "I'm planning on taking DS swimming/high ropes/for a walk/whatever on xx day, does anyone fancy joining us" and no response. Ever. No one invites him over. Ever. Sad really.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 20/08/2022 18:57

By Y3 most parents are working, so kids are either in holiday club or with grandparents or away on holiday. My area of London emptied out at the end of July and the schoolfriends DS has hung out with have either been booked to the same camp as him, or spending days together as childcare child-swaps, or seen at birthday parties.

I'm sure we'll pick up the old playdate schedule in September.

Bluebells12 · 20/08/2022 19:19

It’s not just you and it’s not necessarily about the aln. I’m really struggling with the same issue! DD is popular but all her friends are either away on holiday or in all day sport/dance/drama camps. I don’t think parents prioritise free play as much as they used to 😥

Chunkymonkey123 · 20/08/2022 20:10

We’ve had two play dates the whole summer, one was at the park and both I arranged. My children haven’t been that fussed about meeting up with people and we’ve been busy. Plus I’ve not really had any invites! I don’t think it’s just you, the summer holidays are hard with people working and being away etc.

trilbydoll · 20/08/2022 20:16

Everyone is on holiday at different times and every day we are not away, I'm working and dc are at holiday club. We don't have free days at home so no, no play dates in the holidays here. I honestly don't think we are that unusual.

Tbh even if they got invited somewhere chances are I'd say no, assuming the person doesn't want them for a full 8 hours while I'm at work!

shivermetimbers77 · 20/08/2022 20:16

You’re not alone OP, I am literally always the one doing the inviting too , you’re right it is exhausting! It’s definitely worse since covid