If you want(ed) children, what was it that you wanted?

[monsterastuckiosa]

I have no children and I'm pretty sure I don't want them. I've never felt a desire to have kids, but I've always been curious about how it feels to want them, especially since it's SUCH a powerful urge for many people.

I know there's a biological drive, which I imagine is a physical / gut-level sensation, but apart from that I'd love to hear your experiences - what is it about having children that you thought: "That - I want THAT."?

Was it the role of shaping a life that excited you? A desire to feel unconditional love? Extra people to share your life with?

I'm sure this sounds like a mad question to anyone who can't imagine NOT wanting children, but I can't really imagine wanting them, and I'd like to understand.

I have a lot of love to give, and with a child it has somewhere to go that even gives me love back. If I hadn't had my own I would have fostered.

All of it. I wanted to be pregnant and feel my baby inside of me. I wanted to give birth (mad woman!). I wanted to create a person that was half me/half DH. I wanted to have my own family. I wanted to love a baby and I wanted to be loved as a Mum. I just wanted all of it!

I have literally no idea what made me do it. I always said I’d never have children.
Then I hit 30 and did a U turn.
I didn’t think about it at all though, it was pure biology at play.

I was fairly adamant that i didn't want any until I had some tests to see if I have PCOS. Consultant said "Id try sooner rather than later if I were you" I was 28 so went home spoke to ex DP, came off the pill and a month later tada! A few months later I got test results back, no PCOS, which in hindsight is no surprise as didn't have any of the symptoms. More than likely I have extremely heavy bleeding due to the fact that I have some other underlying condition that causes heavy bleeding, we have an inherited condition that makes us bleeders.

My thinking, I think although I am not certain was along the lines that "What will be will be" I was fairly certain you could miss what you had never had, and you could adjust to being a parent just as you adjust to any demands, coupled with the belief that once you have your own children you can never regret it on account of the fact you love them unconditionally. Once its done, its done and no point regretting it, so better make the most of it.

I had no maternal instincts whatsoever and had never even held a baby, in fact even to this day I have never held any babies except my own. I work with children in care, but I still don't feel this is maternal thing, its more that for some reason despite wanting to do otherwise I am very good with challenging behaviour and think kids deserve to have a stable happy childhood.

I always wanted to be a mum. It was never something I questioned. I wanted to have a family unit and help DC grow into people. I wanted the busy family life, the busy Christmas and lots of people around, I think partly because I was really lonely as a child.

I had a very strong biological urge, and it was for a baby. It never worked out relationship-wise and now I’m kind of glad I didn’t have any. Getting to the point of being past it now, but it was a long and bitter road.

Great question.

It was lots of things.

I wanted to replicate the good bits of my childhood - an excuse to do craft and baking, make up stories and go to the fairground and seaside and make Christmas stockings, have sleepovers and hollow pumpkins at Halloween etc

I wanted to be a better parent than mine were, to see if I could raise children without MH issues and low self esteem by being kind and attentive, not angry and neglectful.

I find children generally cute and interesting. I love their curiosity and novelty and energy. I wanted to be involved with that.

I wanted to belong in my family again. I basically got ignored - DBro and DSis would be invited to my parents for Sunday lunch with their broods but not me, as a single woman with no partner. Overlooked at Christmas too. I felt like an utter spare part until I had kids.

I thought DH would be a good dad, which he is, and knew he too wanted children.

I lived a childfree life for a while, travelling, and enriching myself with classes & museums etc but after a while it started to feel meaningless and selfish. I wanted to share the beauty (& tragedy) of life with someone.