Nice well brought up women don’t end up single mums, apparently

[reaflSale]

Overheard my auntie saying this to a friend before I met her for coffee. I didn’t stay. I’m recently single after DP left. I didn’t want it to end I never wanted to be a single parent. I feel horrendous as it is without being looked at like some difficult woman.

Just wanted to vent as I feel so shit and unhappy. I’ve obviously let my very middle class family down by this mess in my life.

That's what my mum was told by her church after my dad left in 1986.

Absolutely fuck'em. She was and is a rock who has raised three happy successful kids, and we all love her to bits.

There are women who actively choose to be single mothers using donor sperm. She must think them the devil incarnate then. 🙄
Very silly and stupid aunty.

There must be a lot of us sluts about then because I saw the figures for single mums the other day and there are more children born to unmarried mums than to married mums for the first time since 1845.

I was “well brought up” (whatever that means), went to private school and university. Unfortunately, my upbringing didn’t prevent DH from dying last year meaning I am now a single mum. Your aunt sounds ridiculous. In the short term ignore her, in the long term think about how much involvement you want to have with someone with these views.

Bless ! Is your aunt still living in the 30s?

I'm a business woman, nice house, good career, professional, solvent, well educated.... and a single mum.
The difference is today, single mums have full lives, with homes and good jobs, not hidden away in some back street on 'National assistance'

I expect your aunty is not very bright. People parrot unthinking crap like this alot. Give it none of your headspace.

I work with women and would say we all get on and are supportive.
However, one or another of them will often be talking about a child they don't like/child that is bullying thiers etc and will refer to the child being raised by a single mom with raised eyebrows, as if that explains it all.

I am a single mom and will challenge it. This generally leads to back pedalling that obviously they don't mean single moms like me, they meant the bad single moms.

Whatever, we are the ones who stayed, the ones raising the children, the ones who have the heart and head to do it again every day.

The judgement should be on the quality of men, they are the ones who leave, who walk away from thier children and often start another family.

Women being judged for men's actions, yaaaawwwwnnnnnn.

the same attitude my mother has (82) that only trashy girls get raped, have yet to tell her that her darling granddaughter has been raped

TBH I think your thread title is probably an accurate reflection of many people's views. Sadly it implies blame on the woman even though there are irresponsible men involved usually.

@tootiredtobother I'm so sorry 😢

thank you, Learningtofeminist, thankfully i have two good friends i can cry to,

Gosh the majority are single mothers. One of my good friends is married but tbh...... its a false illusion half the time the wife is running round just like us single mums also. So chin up OP that grass isn't greener and your aunt is ignorant!

True in my case. "Nice" isn't my priority, and quite frankly, and most of the time it's not in my best interest.

Being "well brought up" is beyond anyone's control. It's just a result of luck and the parents' choices.

Well a bit outing but I was a Military Officers daughter, so definitely brought up 'proper' and I was an unmarried mother! My parents could have been horrified- it wasn't what they expected but by god they loved their grandson when he appeared.

Shit happens to everyone regardless of how naice they are.

Nice well brought up women don't end up being utter cunts to other people. Your Aunt has really shown herself up here and I'd be letting her know exactly what I think of her if I were you

OP it is just one person, not ypur whole family. I would not extend this to the others, do not feel judge by them, at least they also behaved in this way.
She has been rather nasty. I have been in similar, after much thinking and heartache, I decided that this person was not worthy my time, I made that clear to the rest of my family and though I have seen her, I have never talked much to her at all, pander to her in any way or flipping engage at all since. And my life is better for it. I feel liberated now that I have assigned zero power to this judgemental person. And I do the same with any other that tries this trick on me!

Fellow single mum here. I'm a single mum because of the behaviour of dad. Your aunt is a misogynist and shockingly insensitive considering your circumstances.

Utterly ridiculous! Lots of women raise children on their own for many reasons. Perhaps through choice, being widowed, abused, cheated on etc.

This!

That quote is outstanding.

Not true. Sometimes competent women, earning well and with their own homes deciide they can afford to have a child on their own terms. They are usually well into their thirties, And they choose a good male friend to be papa, and have access, and healthy GPs who want to help with childcare for a few years.

does she have form for dissing her sibling, who did the bringing up?