Nice well brought up women don’t end up single mums, apparently

[reaflSale]

Overheard my auntie saying this to a friend before I met her for coffee. I didn’t stay. I’m recently single after DP left. I didn’t want it to end I never wanted to be a single parent. I feel horrendous as it is without being looked at like some difficult woman.

Just wanted to vent as I feel so shit and unhappy. I’ve obviously let my very middle class family down by this mess in my life.

What about, nice well brought up men don’t leave women with their children?

It annoys me how single mums always get stuck when they’re the ones who stay, no the leaver-fathers are the ones who should get this stigma!

Get stick*

let it go over your head OP, my husband died, l have to grit my teeth at the stupid ignorant comments re single mums. Les Brown on youtube gives a brilliant and hard hitting speech about single Mums at an all male conference in the USA.He was raised by a single Mum and is now one of the top speakers in the world, he mentions his Mum alot in his speeches, she was,a big influence on him.
Single parents do the work of two, on the wages of one, it is no easy feat.

My nice, well brought up mum is a single mum, as is my nice, well brought up best friend. They're brilliant parents and brilliant people.

Analysing her horrible comment, it could be construed as a pop at your parents, as they would surely have been responsible for your "nice wellboughtupness" or otherwise.

Don't give her or her Hyacinth Bouquet ideas any thought OP, she is ridiculous. Look at how many Royals have ended up as single parents for a start. Imagine her saying that to Princess (single parent) Anne

What a load of generalising rubbish.

I wasn't well brought up at all, I grew up on a council estate and my mum's been married and divorced 5 times so I didn't have a very good example set, and at 17 I was a single mum. So if you want to use that very narrow example I guess your auntie might be right. I've also got 2 degrees, a good job, and a lovely husband who I've been married to for 15 years.

I also have friends who were very well brought up who are single mums because their husbands cheated or in one case, died. Also other friends from difficult backgrounds who have solid marriages and lovely families.

Who wants to be 'nice'?

Well-behaved women seldom make history!

She probably says this because SHE wished she'd left a useless man but couldn't for whatever reason (probably fear and finances) so its sour grapes.
Bit like people who say 'ooo I'd never go on holiday there way too hot' etc (maybe not a good example). I find people of a certain age tend to pour scorn on things they're envious of. Or repeat crap they read in the papers as they have no real opinions of their own.
Another example is people who go on about 'immigrants'. Haven't actually ever thought it through themselves.

What a snob your auntie is!

I can't abide such an attitude by abhorrent people. I would have told her to stick her coffee meet somewhere where her judgements are lying.

I know you can't pick your family, but keep your distance. You're doing really well and no need for her 'input'.

Ha! My mum is of her generation.Raised prim and proper.Didnt live with my father before marriage etc.Since they were just dating she didn't know he was borderline alcoholic.Once married she had 2 children with him before his excessive drinking extended into physical abuse.She had no option but to leave him.I wonder what parts of 'being brought up well' my mother didn't follow and therefore ended up single mother🤔

Honestly OP I can imagine how hurtful this comment must have been to hear, but please don't give it a second of your time - it's utter crap. One of my dearest friends is a very nice, well brought up woman who's a single mum - because she happened to marry a man who unexpectedly turned out to be a complete wanker basically the moment they had said their vows.

Instead of condemning herself and her beautiful LO to a life of misery, she made the brave decision to leave and is happily singles, a brilliant mum to her LO and absolutely smashing her career.

I am not defending your aunt, but do you think she meant women who become pregnant without a partner?
I had a discussion with a work colleague along the same lines. My colleague meant that 'middle-class' woman were more likely to seek a termination. I have no idea if that is true, maybe an interesting answer, but your aunt may be looking on your situation as a family with a non-resident parent, as opposed to being a single parent. I am not saying what she said was correct, but surely she wouldn't have spoken as she did if she considered you to be in the situation she described and you could have overheard? After all, would she have said Princess Diana was not a 'nice, well brought up woman' ?

Princess Diana was a single mum. Was she poorly raised? Your aunt is weird.

Even better the Queen Mother was widowed and therefore was a single mum. Much posher than Diana!

She’s just a cunt OP, or thick as two short planks

Literally no one sane has believed that for decades

Don’t give her another moment of your time

Well she was yeah, but that is not really relevant to the OP

While we're on the subject, nice well brought up women don't make such wide and shallow judgements about others.

Don't give it a moment more thought OP, it's a load of nonsense.

I am nice and well brought up 😊
I am also a single parent. By my own choosing.
I chose to be a single parent than a battered and emotionally abused wife.
Your aunt is a dick

Just off the top of my head, here are some Royal Single Mothers through divorce or widowhood: Elizabeth Woodville (twice), Katherine of Aragon, Anne Boleyn (very, very briefly), Queen Victoria, Princess Diana, Camilla, Fergie, Princess Anne, Princess Margaret, Autumn Kelly. Is your aunt Hyacinth Bucket by any chance? 😂Tell her to give her head a wobble and to mind her own business.

Amazing how often it is the woman's fault for being single? God forbid anyone should actually question the quality of the men who leave (although, of course, that's probably the woman's fault too, 'she chose a bad one so she made her bed and must now lie in it')

when you say you didn't stay does that mean you walked away and didn't have coffee with her? Good for you.

This has clearly triggered you too, so I wonder if some of what she said you believe as well? Can you get any therapy OP? Relationships break down all the time for many reasons, and it may help if you have a bit of support to challenge your own views on single parents. Take care.

Your aunty is not very bright, is she.

Did you punch her on the nose before you ordered coffee or afterwards?! 🤭

Did she mean unwed women having children out of wedlock being single mothers or did she mean divorcees and widows, too?
In all cases, it's a stupid misogynist comment and highly ignorant. I would struggle to be around her after that comment.