To think being super organised is just part of one's personality and there's just no hope for people like me!

[OrganiseMyLife]

I was going to start a thread about asking for advice on how to help me become more organised at home..however I have read a few threads and a lot of the similar tips come up - make lists/ diary, phone reminders, meal plan, pick up things as you leave the room, cleaning plan etc

Tbh, it's all familiar to me but the fact of the matter is I just bloody can't do it. I hate cooking so don't want to think about meal planning, I can't wake up early as I get too tired, after work I have no energy to clean whatever it says to do for that day on the cleaning plan, I procrastinate, I do things last minute and so on.

Ive started out so many times with good intentions to get my shit together, but it all feels like such a huge effort which only lasts a few weeks at most and then I'm back to the familiar feeling of feeling overwhelmed again.

I.Just.Cant.Do.It.

Have you read the blog 'a slob comes clean'?
The title is pretty brutal but she is a naturally not organised person and she talks about how to fit her natural state into getting her shit in line.

For example she puts the dw on every night before bed regardless if ItMs full or not. Her clutter cleaning method says everytime you find something out of place go out it away. Do not make a 'kitchen' pile and then go and put 10 things there. If you run out of steam that 10 thing pile is still there but with her method one thing is away.

Her website is horrible with adverts and videos but she talks a lot of sense.

You can do it.

You don’t have laziness but you do have fixed ideas about yourself. There is no reason why you can’t do it.

We are all the product of decisions we make every day. Your decisions for today and tomorrow are not already made. You are in control of them and can change. The problem is you keep telling yourself there is no point.

Have a look at the fly lady website.

It’s much much harder for some people, including me.

You have to work on it one bit at a time, and find systems that work for you, not naturally organised people.

Look up housework and organising for ADHD - whether you think you have that or not, the systems are very useful for the chronically disorganised.

Actually.. rereading your post it sounds to me like you might have ADHD OP, so might really be worth looking at methods to help manage it.

Go shopping and buy lots of basics so there is always something you can make a meal out of.

Clean what needs cleaning rather than a room because it's that day's turn.

I find making sure the kitchen is clean makes me feel better about everything else.

Have you contact whether you have processing issues, like in ADHD? Many girls and women are overlooked for this as it presents differently in women.

If not have you looked at whether you have an underlying health issue either physically or depression? It's unusual to be that tired all the time, which might affect your motivation. Also have you got any friends that might help you to get things a bit more organised or batch cook with you so it's easier to clean, and you have a few meals ready cooked so you don't have to do it every night.

Considered, not contact, and it looks like I'm not the only one who thinks this!

Another vote for possible ADHD.

I have ADHD and I've always been terribly disorganised. Just like you, I'd go through a cycle of feeling really determined to get my shit together, buy a diary, make a schedule, make various to-do lists, but it's short lived and I end up feeling more stressed and useless than I did before.

Look up task paralysis. It sounds very much like that's what you're experiencing. And unfortunately, the advice to "just do it" isn't very helpful. Sometimes we literally cannot force ourselves to do something. It's not an excuse, it's very specifically the way ADHD brains work. People who don't experience task paralysis are unable to understand it.

I've gotten to a place of embracing my own unique style of disorganised organisation. I realized where I was falling down was trying to force myself to be organised in the same way neurotypical people are, which I simply am not able to do. When I stopped putting that pressure on myself, that alone helped tremendously to stop feeling so overwhelmed. Regardless of whether you think you have ADHD, I'd recommend looking up some tips for neurodiverse people rather than continuing to try to force yourself to do it in a neurotypical way.

If you have adhd, which I think I do as a terribly disorganised person then perhaps just meal planning and cooking is using up all your ‘spare’ brain capacity.

DH does all of that but when I have to even engage in it a bit then I notice it becomes the focus for my whole day. Thank god very rarely. I find following a recipe like learning mandarin.

I have a job and a proper life ! I can cook, just would happily never cook again.

try a meal plan with just assembly dinners, like bag of salad plus a protein. See if that helps.

Sounds like me before ADHD diagnosis and medication. I function much better now (as long as I remember to take my medication in the morning)

This is me

Seriously I am exactly the same I get distracted so easily and just can't focus. I try to give myself a very specific task eg clean fridge rather than just clean kitchen. It's the only way I get round to things

The small changes really add up over time (I can recommend the book Atomic Habits) so rather than thinking about it in an all or nothing way, just keep on with the little things. If things don't get done one day it's not a disaster, it's just one day - tomorrow can be different.

The thing that really works for me is doing as much as I can the night before to prepare for the next day. So I set my clothes out, my DD's clothes out - I prepare my cup, snack and food for work - so that everything is ready to go when we wake up.

It might be worth considering what you are willing to change about your current routines - something will need to change to make a difference - but don't think it has to be a massive change, or that missing something out on one day ruins it permanently.

I recognise the OP and yellowsmileyface in myself, but over the years have forced myself to be more organised. Decluttering and making sure everything has a home is a work in progress, but having less is definitely helpful.

I find it hard to be ruthless, but once I get started, I am motivated by progress until I hit a blip and then it all stops. But every time I do it, the effects last longer.

I think with all personality traits you have your natural tendencies but you can learn over time to moderate them somewhat through practice and learning new techniques. I had naturally very poor social skills when I was young but I've got better at small talk, holding conversations etc through practice, reading books about how to make friends, etc. I'll never be brilliant and it still takes effort but I'm okay, and I have improved. Same applies to organisation, you'll always struggle with it up to a point but if you take on board different techniques, ways of organising and resources you can improve! This also applies if it turns out you do have ADHD, there are ways to manage the condition so it doesn't have such an impact on you.

I appear to others, to be super organised. But it takes a lot of effort and I find it very stressful. Things always fall through the cracks.

I strongly suspect I have adhd and planning everything and writing endless lists is a coping strategy. I'm organised, because I have to be, otherwise everything falls into chaos. I feel like I'm always just on the brink of letting everything fly off. It took me a long time to realise that though.

And yes, I'm a chronic procrastinator, but I'm better at allowing myself time to do it- as long as I know I'll have to get things done later. Eg I should be doing school work now and getting myself ready for results day tomorrow. But I'm not feeling it. It's ok though- I'll do it tonight after the other jobs that are niggling at me are done (kid uniform, car insurance etc,). I know now, that I need to get the niggles out of the way, so that I can focus on the main task.

Does it really bother you though op? Does it matter if things are a bit disorganised? Presumably you eat food, even if you don't meal plan, hold down a job, maintain your home etc? Maybe you can't do it because it just isn't that important to you! I'm a very organised person, I find that if I don't stay on top of things it makes me miserable. I'm not very laid back really, I wouldn't sleep well knowing the house was a tip and I'd left lots of things to be done in the morning etc.

Omg this is so interesting that a lot of you have mentioned ADHD. In all honesty I have never thought I have but then again I really dont know much about it. Im going to Google a little more.

Where can I find tips on how to be organised for neurodiverse people?

Op I'm the least naturally organised person ever!

If you could see my bedroom right now!

You need equipment. You need to arm yourself with stuff to do it.
Eg a life changer for me was IKEA drawer organisers. Little boxes for drawers.
As we speak I'm taking a short break from organising a deep drawer full of rubbish into medicine, moisturisers and that will all go into one of the IKEA organisers.

Also always have a plastic rubbish bag to hand.
And only work for short periods of time.
Eg 5 mins.
You can actually get loads done in 5 minutes.

Okay so a quick Google and I don't think I have ADHD. I think I massively procrastinate and have no motivation even though I would love a organised home and life.

The reason why I'm so tired is because I have a sleep disorder. I developed it around 4 years ago and docs can't really help me much. I've tried (and still trying) everything under the sun to ease it but nothing has helped.

There is a book called How To Keep House While Drowning (KC Davies) which is written with neurodiversity in mind, which I appreciate you may not be looking for specifically, or look up the Spoon Theory which is about conserving (or deciding how best to spend) your energy.

As I said, it still means doing something differently to what you are doing now - but it might focus your energy and effort on to the things that make a difference for you. I hope you find something that helps OP.

In recent months The Organised Mum Method has started guided "Rock the Housework" cleans which you can subscribe to on Patreon and they've made a real difference to me. I've always found the hundreds of micro-decisions when doing housework to be totally paralysing, but having a kindly voice telling me what I'm doing for a few minutes at a time and just doing it to make it better rather than spending hours to get it perfect and find it trashed again in 24 hours.

My brain often feels like the scene in Harry Potter where he has to catch the right flying key with all the other flying keys fluttering around. Lists are crap and you have to be organised enough to think in a linear way to even use a list. When I'm overwhelmed, I favour just dumping those fluttering thoughts onto a piece of paper then using arrows to join them up to get as far as writing a list.

Timers and the phone calendar are useful. Mine's going to go off in 6 minutes to give me time to get in gear and leave the house to collect a DS on time.

TBH the more I read about ADHD in women, the more I wonder how the writer managed to write my biography! I do have an auditory issue diagnosed, but DS1 has a few ND conditions and I suspect the apple didn't fall far from the tree.

A sleep disorder? No wonder you can't do it. My dbro has narcolepsy and life is pretty hard for him. He loses a third of his day to excessive daytime sleepiness. And then another third to fighting it. If it's something similar to this, you might find the spoon theory helpful.

You have to be kind to yourself and prioritise.

If being more organised is something that you need to do, you might have to find a different way of getting there.

Do you live with anybody else?

In what way do you want to be more organised? Is it living in a tidier home? Is it knowing what's coming up for the week ahead?

Re food, it might be worth considering a rolling meal plan, of you can cope with the tedium of it. So Monday is pasta (and can be say bolognase, or a pasta bake, or pesto pasta), Tuesday could be potatoes (jackets l, or mash, or salad potatoes) with something, Wednesday could be curry night, Thursday a ready meal night, Friday could be leftovers from say the curry, and so on, so you don't really have to think about it. You could set up an online grocery shop and just always get the basics in so there's always pasta, a ready meal, milk, bread, that kind of thing.

I have some experience of this, so happy to try and help.

I'm not naturally organised but have got more organised over the past decades. Interesting that someone mentioned having a rolling menu - I don't quite do this but do have much the same meals on Monday/ Tuesdays so I don't have to think about it.

I quite like cooking so don't put that off so much but find I procrastinate things I don't enjoy doing, like finances. It helps to make it the first task in the day though, so I get it over with. And/ or to give myself some sort of reward when I do it! ( Like a lie down!)