At my wits end with 6 year old boy!

[Summersummersun]

My 6.5 year old is so, so challenging at the moment. I am finding it the hardest stage so far. For several weeks now he has been grumpy, rude, horrible to his younger brother, obnoxious/loud/hyper even when he’s not misbehaving. He seems to have so much energy and aggression.

He hasn’t been the easiest child since turning about 3 (very easy baby/toddler though!) but now even in between the rude comments/defiance, he’s still either winding his younger brother up or being obnoxious and LOUD.

For disobedience he gets a consequence. Yesterday he was told he wouldn’t be having Tv today because of disobedience at bedtime, he responded “it doesn’t matter to me”.

Help! Is he the only one?

Bit of an obvious question but is he having enough exercise?
Sympathy to you though OP!

Definitely not this last week @Stath, it’s been too hot to do much at all with the heatwave, he’s had a couple of short scooter walks and a swimming lesson and that’s it. There is definitely a lot of energy to channel! His attitude and grumpiness has been going on since the last few weeks of term though to be honest, I put it down to end of term tiredness but it’s not been helped much by the summer holidays, and it’s actually worse in terms of his attitude and rudeness!

Yep. 7 year old here. Vile!

Although maybe that’s a bit unfair - he goes from lovely to vile in 0 seconds, then will be a bawling heap on the floor with remorse so it’s soooo hard to deal with. I just want him to say please/thank you/speak nicely. Today it was ‘I don’t like yogurt - you KNOW that!!!’ - so rude!! Led to a massive argument (we’ll mainly him to me) while hugging 😵‍💫 just such a hard emotional time. We’ve had new baby then summer holidays so hoping things will calm down in sept! He’s still only 7 but I think please/thank you/talking nicely isnt much to ask for. They’re just going to get bigger and horrible-r so want to tackle it now. Am reading ‘Between’ by Sarah Ockwell Smith!

That’s exactly the kind of thing my DS does @MassiveSalad22 (love the username). He seems so negative as well and always grumpy, complaining. It’s hard work! He is big for his age and it makes the aggression seem worse.

My 6 year old is the same at the moment.

I put it down to a phase (common for this age), lack of routine (Summer holidays) and lack of exercise (it's been too bloody hot to do much). She is also sleeping terribly at the moment.

Fingers crossed we all get back on track in September!

So true Paul, seems to be a really common phase. Can’t really blame summer hols because it’s been months but baby did arrive in April so maybe that’s part of it. He’s so empathetic he cries if she does sometimes. Think it’s a lot of big feelings.

DS does NOT sit still ever, he is always moving in some way even when watching tv, and is sports mad. He also really struggles to do stuff alone/always has to be with someone. So full on!

I sometimes let my baby eat Ella's Kitchen straight out of the pouch

Oooops, so sorry, wrong thread. Ignore the above comment please

We've got this bullshit with our 5 year old at the moment. Never stops talking, moving, attention seeking. And added to that, violent outbursts and saying mean things. It is vile. This is interspersed with days where, unbidden, he apologises for the hitting and mean words. He is utterly capricious and unable to respond once the red mist has descended.

That’s the only saving Grace with my DS at the moment, he’s not actually violent (with us anyway, he can smack his brother but it’s usually provoked) but he is still really aggressive, in your face. He’ll come up and do ninja moves/kicks etc really near you, also wave toys like swords really near, clearly for a reaction. He’s never still either and struggles to concentrate at school, on the mat in particular.

@AhAgain yes I totally agree about the need to burn energy and to be honest that has slid in the holidays. We were away for a week a couple of weeks ago and he was very active then, we rode our bikes everywhere. He was ok/better then, still a bit difficult but mainly happy, as we were on holiday so doing fun things like the beach every day. It’s been loads worse since coming home again and the heatwave, we definitely haven’t been out exercising like we usually do. I took them out on their scooters this afternoon and we were out for ages, dinner and bedtime were much better and I’m sure that’s why!

Sorry to hear about the other difficult 5-7 year olds but slightly relieved it’s not just mine!

Just bumping this, still at my wits’ end!

It’s every little thing right now and it’s so hard. DS is always grumpy and negative. He’s bossy and condescending to his little brother. He’s ungrateful and rude. I am constantly angry with him and I can’t let little things go as I feel like quite frankly why should I let him behave like that! But then we are in a really negative cycle.

Have you read this? Worth a shot.
www.lovebombing.info/

Possible traits of adhd?

@VISITOR1800 yes it’s something I think is a definite possibility. I have referred him for assessment but the waiting lists are huge, and to be honest a diagnosis isn’t going to change his behaviour so I still need to press on and deal with it now - and it’s so bloody hard!

I'm really ashamed of how I handled him yesterday but I felt pushed to the limit, he came into my bedroom where I was getting myself and little sibling ready and just said stupid things to wind me up. I grabbed his arms, put him on my bed and really bollocked him. He was crying, his sibling was crying. I felt sorry after and did say I was very sorry for grabbing his arms and that was never ok for me to do (unless I have to to keep him safe on a road or whatever) and he was better for the rest of the day as we had a big old chat. But this morning it’s the same rubbish out of his mouth, he is CONSTANTLY winding up his younger sibling too as well as us.

Have you borrowed my DTS2, @Summersummersun ?!

He was a very easy baby and toddler (unlike DTS1, who has ASD - whole host of other issues there!) but my goodness I'm paying for it now

The rudeness, the backchat, the pointless aggression, the constant sly hitting/ kicking... aaarrggghhh. I think it was made worse by Covid - both DC were at home during the lockdowns, rather than at school - but he's such a sulker now, he never used to be this stroppy. Like you, I've tried the immediate consequences, the long term, being nice, being horrible... nothing works.

I'm hoping to join another parenting course next term (for solidarity if nothing else!) for any tips they might be able to offer, but the only thing that's given a slight respite is talking to him when we're both calm and explaining that he won't be doing xxx if he can't control himself, we'll leave him with PIL and just take DTS1. PIL are lovely by the way, but it's the thought of missing out on a treat that his brother would get on his own that makes the difference!

Mine walks around constantly and randomly SHOUTS something.

Everyday he has an activity like rugby, football, swimming, biking and hiking. And he still has energy to spare.

@ScarlettMcCain a parenting course sounds like a good idea, I might look into one! As I am far from perfect myself and I think the reason I find my tantrumming 3 year old so much easier to deal with is because 3 year olds are relatively simple compared with 6 year olds!

Yes my DS was home for all of the lockdowns too, whilst we tried to juggle work and younger DC. In the Christmas to spring 2020-21 lockdown, his younger sibling was able to carry on going to nursery four days a week so it was just him with us, trying to work FT. I definitely think it had a negative effect.

Sorry to hear others are having similar!

Unfortunately a result of modern way of parenting in that we cannot tend to bring up kids in the old-fashioned ways due to pressure from society. Glad you give him consequences but it is hard work. There is a website called therapeutic parenting on Facebook you might want to look at

I know exactly how you feel, my DS6 is diagnosed ADHD and the last few weeks have been hard! So much so that I've been putting him in summer club on my days off just for a break he enjoys it and they can handle him well but I feel so guilty. He's always jumping, climbing, tormenting his siblings, arguing, refusing to do as he is told, antagonising the dog.. it's relentless! I'm looking forward to September, he copes better with the routine.
I have no advice regarding how to deal with it though, we're still learning! I try not to concentrate too much on the bad behaviour but over praise the good, otherwise I get myself in a negative spiral of telling him off and then feel major guilt when he's finally asleep and I realise I've just shouted at him all day 😞

I have a recently turned 7 year old and he has been the same for the past few months. It’s really upsetting me that he’s like this. He shouts constantly (when happy / cross / in the shower / literally any reason), he is objectionable to every little request and is SO negative. His sister, who is one year older, is an absolute angel, so it’s even more jarring.

Even his eating habits have regressed. Previously he would use cutlery and eat with his mouth closed, but now, he constantly gets up from his chair, picks up food with his fingers and chews with his mouth wide open obnoxiously. Every single meal time, I am constantly correcting him. I cannot understand why he is not trying to stop as it must be just as draining for him with me being on his case the whole time.

Occasionally, following an angry outburst, he’ll apologise and say he just can’t control it, but 5 minutes later he’s giving me backchat about a total non-issue. The simplest tasks have become exhausting & laborious.

Sorry I can’t offer any help, but you are most definitely not alone.

If it's ADHD, it can be helped by lovebombing. I liked to the website earlier.

My previous link has stopped working. This is an article - but the book is very easy to read and gets quickly to the point.
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/sep/22/oliver-james-love-bombing-children

Thanks, @AgnestaVipers

Have you tried this yourself? My only reservation about this how it might be perceived by “well-behaved” siblings. I’m not trying to be negative, but all through school, it’s common to see naughty children receiving awards etc for the occasions they do behave, whilst consistently good children are expected to just carry on as they are without being rewarded for their behaviour. My 8 year old daughter has explicitly noted this herself on multiple occasions.

Would you recommend offering a similar lovebombing experience for all children in the family, alongside the one with the behavioural issues?

@The2Omicronnies yes to the regressions! When my DS was 3, nearly 4, his nursery would always feedback how polite he was, he always said please and thank you. His manners have regressed big time, I’m constantly reminding him to say please/thank you to others, let alone us. My 3 year old has better manners!

I’m hesitant about love bombing too mainly for fear of rewarding bad behaviour. We had a lovely 1-2-1 day out together on Friday when my toddler was in nursery, and we did what DS wanted within reason (we had a boat trip, lovely picnic, look round the Lego shop - I didn’t buy him anything when he asked but we looked around for as long as he wanted and chatted about it all. I sat with him to build Lego at home afterwards which he always loves) and I still had to reprimand him. Not loads, but there was some attitude and rudeness.

He can behave when he has a short term reward at stake - DS is an angel on the way home from school every single day because he knows if he is, he’ll get to watch TV at home. Which is why the love bombing makes me a bit hesitant.

This is the first time I’ve struggled over the school holidays, in the past DS has always been much easier in the holidays mainly because he likes not having to rush to school (as do I!) and do fun things everyday, but this one has definitely been tricky. He’s been pretty good when he’s being entertained, we’ve had countless park trips and play dates and other than having to remind him to say please/thank you all the time, he was perfectly well behaved. It’s been at home he’s the worst, by a mile.