At my wits end with 6 year old boy!

[Summersummersun]

My 6.5 year old is so, so challenging at the moment. I am finding it the hardest stage so far. For several weeks now he has been grumpy, rude, horrible to his younger brother, obnoxious/loud/hyper even when he’s not misbehaving. He seems to have so much energy and aggression.

He hasn’t been the easiest child since turning about 3 (very easy baby/toddler though!) but now even in between the rude comments/defiance, he’s still either winding his younger brother up or being obnoxious and LOUD.

For disobedience he gets a consequence. Yesterday he was told he wouldn’t be having Tv today because of disobedience at bedtime, he responded “it doesn’t matter to me”.

Help! Is he the only one?

@AgnestaVipers thank you for the link, it’s really interesting. My only hesitation with the full experience would be DS would literally go overboard with his requests. Had I made it clear he was in control last week when we went to the Lego shop, he would’ve asked to buy Lego! I don’t mind treating him here and there but he gets plenty of treats (end of term present etc) and he only plays with his new toys for the day or two after he gets them, then they’re forgotten about.

The book suggests doing something similar for all siblings. But for the ADHD child, this can be a very helpful recalibration. If you read Gabor Maté's Scattered Minds, you'll be the punishment of bad behaviour is counterproductive.

I struggle with this too, but my partner did the lovebombing with our troublesome 5 yo and she felt it had some immediately positive effects. However, he is still a very needy and intense child. He'll need more 1-2-1 from his mother.

My only hesitation with the full experience would be DS would literally go overboard with his requests. Had I made it clear he was in control last week when we went to the Lego shop, he would’ve asked to buy Lego!

I suggest you give him a budget to work within... the book also makes clear that it doesn't have to be about spending money.

@Summersummersun my DTS2 loves the Lego shop! Like with your DS, I'm just hesitant to offer a 'treat' as an incentive, because he can behave short term but it doesn't change any of the overall bad behaviour. Once he's had the treat, he's back to being as bad as ever unless he thinks he can get something else

The shouting drives me loopy @The2Omicronnies !! It's like he can't do anything without bellowing about it. Between that and DTS1 (who is very sweet, but whiny as hell) I just long for peace and quiet most of the time...

Thank you for the link @AgnestaVipers

Yeh you described my eldest down to a T. He's autistic.

Just picking at someone you mentioned, where you said you still need to manage his behaviour. A diagnosis (or just reading up on the topic, you don't need a diagnosis to do that) quickly helps you to realise that some of the neuro typical approaches for managing behaviour have the opposite effect and can in fact make it worse.

I'm going to throw my hat in suggest that your DS probably has a lot of big emotions going on right now that he needs to find a healthy and positive way of expressing. Your example of being the room with your younger child - he could he feeling pushed out or neglected by the younger one. And punishing his behaviour just reinforces that. Give him a hug and remind him he doesn't need to play the fool to get your attention. Remind him it's ok to feel jealous, but not ok to lash out at siblings.

Trust me, reading up around autism before my DS was diagnosed was a huge eye opener that helped us all.