I’m so sad, I can’t come to terms with my accident.

[Bikeybikeface]

In May I had an accident doing a hobby I loved. I was on a motorbike, taking part in a track day and the accident was bad. I was in ITC for 5 days, hospital for 10 and I’ve been left with a paralysed left arm due to nerve damage (though I hope it will recover).
I miss my bike so so much, I’d waited all my life to have it and I loved it. I can’t look at bikers now as I feel so jealous and like I’ve fucked it all up. We missed our holiday, first in 5years and I’ve had to pack up my business. My OH has sold his bike and all our biking things, my bike (damaged badly) is just sitting in the garage.

Even if my arm recovers enough to ride, I can’t put my family through it again. My parents are in their 70s and my kids in comp, and my poor OH of course. How can I not let it bother me? The weather is nice at the moment so they are everywhere.
Im not sure if I hate them, or love them or I’m bitter or jealous. Or maybe it’s part of the trauma, though I don’t feel like It’s affected me much as I’m a pretty strong woman.

How do I get over it?

Time. Unhelpful but true!

It's all very recent. For now, focus on healing, physically and mentally. No matter how strong a woman you are something like this is going to affect you.

I’m sorry to hear about your accident. It’s still really early days, recovery wise- both physical and psychological.

What were the things about biking that you loved? Maybe there are other things that would feed the same parts of you.

I am sorry to hear about your accident.

Maybe it is simply time to see the light and realise what a danger motorbikes are. I worked for a trauma service and if one thing really annoyed me it was people who had dreadful accidents on them, were blessed with months and months of free excellent NHS treatment and then left saying they couldn't wait to get back on their bike. Ridiculous.

That sounds so traumatic. What a thing to go through.

But thank goodness you survived and your kids still have their mother.

Time.

But also be thankful you are here. And remember many leave ICU with major issues too (my iwn brother has PTSD from 5 days in an ICU induced coma)

So, yes, be thankful.

Time.

You are grieving just now for the loss of your hobby, of your passion.
I suspect you are also grieving for the loss of your business and your arm (even if you can hope it will come back to normal) too.

You’ll feel angry, jealous, sad, and all sorts of other feelings even if you know that just now you can’t ride anyway.

I would advise to see a counsellor to talk it through. Having had to deal with seeing my life drastically reduced, that’s the one thing that has helped.

Thank you, people tell me that it’s early but I have always been one to look forward and not back. Its just very hard as the past, the accident, is stopping me looking forward.
The doctors said there is help out there for me, for the trauma, maybe I should take them up on it.
I have cried twice since the accident, both times has been over bikes. That’s ridiculous. I should be thankful I’m alive but I feel like I’ve messed it all up. I was gliding through life , everything was good, and bam. It’s all upside down.

Have you thought about seeing a therapist to help you process?

That’s trauma for you @Bikeybikeface .

You need to give yourself time. Time to heal physically but also emotionally. I suspect there will be many other things that will hit you at some point. Death, (potential) disability, the huge change in your life etc etc…

And that’s why professionals have suggested support/counselling. Take that offer on.

That sounds really awful. It was only three months ago, and you will need more time. Try to focus on resting, taking your mind off things and if you have time and enjoy it, watching TV or reading.
It's natural that you find the sight of bikes upsetting and it's totally ok to cry. It will get better. Why not take up the GP's offer of help?
Hope you feel better soon.

Thanks everyone, I guess everyone who keeps telling me “time” have got it right. I really hope you are right. Maybe when the cold weather comes and the bikers disappear, it’ll give me the space I need to recover.
Thank you. It’s just nice to actually get it off my chest.

I think there is something particularly brutal about the split-second nature of accidents that makes them very hard to process, especially if you were in a good place in your life before.

I've had a couple of things happen to me that have been hard to come to terms with, and I agree that it takes time. For me, it feels like a process of integrating and accepting the event into my life journey, rather than raging against it, if that makes sense? I don't think you can completely short cut it, unfortunately, but I definitely think you should take up the option on therapy, it might help you process it quick/better. Good luck.

Only time helps ease it.

Concentrate upon your rehab, getting fit and strong and as recovered as you can physically - in terms of mentally, that can take longer. To just be out there, maybe riding pillion on a trike would give you at least the feeling again if your DH is prepared to consider riding?

I stopped after breaking my neck, figuring that walking out of the hospital with just a numb percussion side of my hand and forearm, together with the inability to lift my leg to do up my laces without falling over for about ten years, was probably a sign not to push my luck.

The sports that give me the nearest sensations are swimming (it's the cool water and solitude), horse riding and trail running (not good enough to do fell running, but the more windswept and isolated the place to run, the better). If any of those appeal, along with other sports, they can be more accessible with a disability.

At the moment, I'd imagine that you are near on confined to the house, which is going to make it harder, especially with it being so stuffy and stupid hot right now, as you're in pain, hurting in your body and heart, financially worried and having to adapt to the physical limitations of your injuries. Depression is also common with head injuries and time in ITU.

All I can say is that you won't always feel this pain this intensely. Use the concentration, the focus you used on the bike, the physical strength of riding it, all to give yourself the best physical recovery and, as your body heals, you can look towards finding things that also heal your soul.

Just because you’re strong doesn’t mean you can’t be angry/jealous/annoyed at what happened, feeling those things doesn’t make you weak. Maybe you’re upset because you feel like you’ve been robbed? Or it’s all unjust.

Time will heal it all but I appreciate it must be so horrible for you at the moment!

It is time… but it’s also how you process now and move forward without it becoming baggage

The important thing is that you are still here and you're family aren't grieving for you. It will take time to come to terms with. I wish my best friend had been as lucky as you. Sadly he isn't here any more as he didn't survive his accident. If he had I know he would have felt the same as you though as he loved his bikes.

I have cried twice since the accident, both times has been over bikes. That’s ridiculous. I should be thankful I’m alive but I feel like I’ve messed it all up. I was gliding through life , everything was good, and bam. It’s all upside down

first, there is no ‘should’. Don’t beat yourself up on not responding how you think you ‘should’. Part of the healing process is to listen to your feelings and emotions. How you feel is how you feel and at this early stage let yourself feel however you do, don’t bottle it up or pretend to be feeling differently.

you do need to focus as much as you can on getting better; but when you’re ready then take the time to grieve for the life you thought you’d have.

whilst very different, to an extent I get it. I was diagnosed with cancer at the end of last year. Didn’t see it coming. We were just about to embark on a major life shift that won’t be possible any more. I have so much to be thankful for, in no small part that the treatment is working. But I’m also starting to process how much my life has changed. We had a lovely weeks holiday last week but it’s taken it out of me and I’ve spent all day in bed. Im shattered and back on painkillers and it’s a reminder that life changed.

best of luck with your recovery, both physical and emotional. And whilst it has to be your choice, there’s a reason why you’re being offered support to process what’s gone on. 💐

Your thread title is incorrect, it should (IMO) read:
I’m so sad, I can’t come to terms with my accident haven't yet come to terms with my accident because it was a major trauma and healing takes time.

Youa re rushing and you are dismissing your emotions. Get support to deal with this trauma. It is possible to heal.

I really feel for you and can relate. I used to run regularly but then badly fractured my leg 2 years ago and have a leg full of metal. I can no longer run. I get real pangs about it as running was my happy place. I can't bear to see social media posts of people running!

But...it does get better. You have to find something else that gives you the same sense of freedom and being outdoors.

It's such early days for you though.

If you do decide you want to ride again, it will be possible. It's too early to make the decision now, but I ride and I can't use my left arm. Look into the National Association of Bikers with a Disability (NABD) and they can help with adaptations. Don't do anything about it now, but take time, take up the offer of counselling, and see how you feel in future.

Firstly, I'm so sorry to hear about your accident and what happened to you.

I think you loved something and it has now changed. Not gone necessarily but definitely changed and spoilt.

That needs honour paying to it. You wouldn't see off a beloved friend without grief and looking back. I'd think about it, be gutted and shocked and wonder how I'd now fill that hole.

I sing and play guitar, if I lost a hand say or my voice went forever, thinking of the pleasure I get from it every day would crucify me.

So I think some time saying goodbye to your old life is in order.

You sound like a top lass, so the new life to come will be easy I reckon xx good luck

I'm so sorry OP I rely do understand. I had to give up biking recently at 60 as my eyesight just isn't good enough. Biking is my life too and it feels part of me has died. It was my identity. I've been trying to find another meaningful hobby but everything feels staid and boring. Wondering if we are brave enough for sky diving and wing walking?

Time and possible councilling.

I felt so angry when I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and my life changed forever. Time helped, as did truly remembering that others are far worse off.

Sorry this happened.

Allow yourself to be mad for a bit, and then think about what to replace it with - you will feel better about it in time.

My best friend was a biker one day his brakes didn’t work and he ended up under a lorry and spend 4 months in intensive care and then 4 months on a ward. The start of the 4 months on the ward he was talking about his bike and if he recovered he was going to carry on. At the end of that 4 months so 8 months he turned to me and said ‘actually I’ve met a lot of bikers in here, some made it and some didn’t, I’m going to love living and live’ he starting hiking even with a stomach bag and all sorts and hasn’t ridden a bike since.

please don’t take this wrong, I’m sorry for your accident and it’s awful but you have to come to terms with the trauma and counselling would be a very good place to start