I’m so sad, I can’t come to terms with my accident.

[Bikeybikeface]

In May I had an accident doing a hobby I loved. I was on a motorbike, taking part in a track day and the accident was bad. I was in ITC for 5 days, hospital for 10 and I’ve been left with a paralysed left arm due to nerve damage (though I hope it will recover).
I miss my bike so so much, I’d waited all my life to have it and I loved it. I can’t look at bikers now as I feel so jealous and like I’ve fucked it all up. We missed our holiday, first in 5years and I’ve had to pack up my business. My OH has sold his bike and all our biking things, my bike (damaged badly) is just sitting in the garage.

Even if my arm recovers enough to ride, I can’t put my family through it again. My parents are in their 70s and my kids in comp, and my poor OH of course. How can I not let it bother me? The weather is nice at the moment so they are everywhere.
Im not sure if I hate them, or love them or I’m bitter or jealous. Or maybe it’s part of the trauma, though I don’t feel like It’s affected me much as I’m a pretty strong woman.

How do I get over it?

Maybe get some counselling? Might be worth a try. It is probably available on the NHS in your circumstances even if the waiting list is long.

If you can, make some plans so you have something to look forward to. And whoever said look for stuff that is doable but gives you a similar buzz. A work colleague was in a similar position following an accident and bought an adapted fast car with his compensation money.

And give it time. Sending you best wishes. 🌷

You poor thing. I'm not surprised you feel,so sad. I would. My hobbies mean so much to me. I've had nerve damage which means I can't do them at the same intensity as I used ( getting older doesn't help either). I am usually a really positive person but Im incredibly pissed off about it. I have relatives and close friends who deal with far more serious issues. I know im lucky in so many ways but im a bit bitter and angry too 😂😇😇😂

I'd say embrace all your emotions. Be bitter and angry and be grateful too.

Time will help. Hopefully your injuries will improve too.

What about an electric bike instead 👀👀

It’s completely normal when something you love has now become a trigger for bad memories.

When you next see someone on a bike and feel sad or annoyed, try to tune into that. Ask yourself why you feel that way? It’s absolutely fine to be jealous / sad / annoyed.

What would you feel if they too had been through an accident, would you feel less annoyed and more in admiration they continue to ride?

Time is the biggest healer and it’s annoying waiting, but I can guarantee there will be a day when you see a bike and don’t have strong negative feelings. It will come as a shock and almost catch you off guard.

I am so sorry to hear this. My own hobbies are very important to me too so I can only try to understand how you feel. There is a huge grief when something like this happens and your feelings are understandable and it must be very hard when you see a bike for that part of your life that you have lost. Take it easy on yourself and know what you are feeling is normal....fucking horrible but normal.

Thanks everyone, you make a lot of sense and I knew you’d get it. I thought I was/am being ridiculous. It is like I’ve been robbed, not just the physical bike but also the easiness of riding. I’d never be able to ride a bike carefree again, bikers never think it’ll happen to them.

I low sided my bike at a high speed (as I leaned over taking a corner, my wheels lost grip) which should have meant I would have just slid out, but I was hit by another biker, tossed into the air and then hit again. I can’t remember any of it is mostly a blessing but some part of me wishes I could so I’d have more of a closure.

I am so sorry to hear you are struggling. I had an awful horse riding accident a couple of years ago, and am physically changed as a result. I will never be able to ride again, but even more than that, it has meant that there are lots of things I can no longer do with my children that I used to. Like you, things were going great, everything was good, and then bam. Everything has changed.

I feel that I can perhaps empathise with you. But moving on? I'm not so sure. Time does make things feel better. But not a day goes past without me wishing I had not got on that horse at that point.

I think accidents like this really are a physical trauma but also a very emotional and mental trauma. I was very lucky that things were not worse, just like you. But it is still a lot to process I think. Hopes dashed, and the process of creating a new and different life hard to adapt to. Other people definitely have worse outcomes and worse things to work through, but that does not make your accident and processing of it any easier for you. Take your time and be kind to yourself.

I think suggestions for counselling from other people are probably spot on and the best way forward. And something that I wish I was brave enough to consider actually. This is the most I have ever shared about my accident and the impact, so thank you (but sorry I have somewhat made it about me).

I hope at least this thread and the posts already above mine have helped you to realise that you are not alone. And it will be OK. Just a different kind of OK than you expected.

I'm sorry to hear about your accident and injuries. Motorbikes are extremely dangerous and honestly I think they should be banned.

I have lost 2 family members to motorbiking. One had 3 horrific accidents and it was the third that killed him aged 50, 5 years after the second accident after which he swore to his wife, parents and children he would never touch a bike again. My husband lost his best friend aged 25, leaving behind a pregnant wife.

Of all the people I know that motorbike, over half have either life changing injuries or been killed on their motorbike. Medical services call motorbike riders walking organ donors or donorcyclers for a reason.

Please please please do not put your loved ones through getting back on a bike.

Could asking people who were present at the time give you an idea? It might also help the bikers involved, as there can be a huge amount of guilt involved.

Part of the joy is getting your knee down whilst relying upon an area of tyre no bigger than the palm of your hand (bet some bikers here can tell just how long I've been around bikes from that phrase) - it's the precarious nature that does it for racers, the knowing you're taking it right to the edge. And sometimes, that just doesn't quite work out, the fundamental laws of physics get involved and you fly too close to the sun.

But technically, even though it doesn't feel like it right now, it did work out for you. You're still here. You're still able to think and talk and reason and rage against the universe.

And one day, this singed Lady Icarus will find a way to fly again.

Do people really think that preaching about how dangerous motorbikes are is going to help?

This hit home OP - early this year, my dad was you. I cannot recommend a trauma psychologist enough, ours was instrumental in helping dad move forward.

For perspective, I know I will never recover from seeing my dad in trauma resus theatre, fresh from the air ambulance, his clothes and shoes flung around the room and two bins full of medical waste. They fought hard to save his life, and the greatest thanks you can give those amazing people is to enjoy the gift they gave to you.

Sorry I forgot to say, the person who worked with my dad works by zoom as well so do message me if you want her details

I was left with life changing injuries after a car accident a few years ago and lost my job and had to give up hobbies etc as a result. I would agree that time does help but it may not be enough on it's own. I benefited a lot from seeing psychologist. Fortunately I was able to see someone privately fairly quickly - it wasn't my fault so it was included in the insurance claim - as the NHS wait would have been very long. I don't think I will ever be completely "over it" but it doesn't consume my life any more and I've found different ways to enjoy life.
Feeling grateful that you are still alive or more badly injured doesn't stop you feeling sad/angry etc about what you've lost - your feelings are real and completely normal and things will improve but don't be shy about seeling professional help.

Quite!

You don't know you will never go on a motorbike again. Maybe you won't do track days, but a slower bike for sunny days, would that be a good compromise?

I had a bad accident last year horse riding, it could have been a lot worse, like paralysis or dead worse. But it wasn't thankfully, I have a long recovery and I am still recovering, but I am back riding. It's slower though, I'm riding safe riding school horses only and so far walking only. But I like being able to still do it and my husband has got over it now. 😂

If you keep seeing the crash in your head and it's scaring you, a good technique for me is watch the crash happen in your head, then rewind it very quickly then focus strongly on a positive happy memory of motorbiking. Think of the good memory beforehand so you know which one to focus on. It might not help, but it helped for me.

It's really early days. Accept your grief. Try to remember that, at some future point, it won't hurt quite so much. One day at a time

You could try to recreate some of the pleasure that a motorbike gave you eg cycling

Or, deliberately focus on new skills and different interests. I recently played table tennis for the first time in years. Couldn't believe how much I enjoyed it

12 years ago I had a split second accident that has left me with a non functional arm. I did some counselling to help me get over the thing of becoming disabled (not easy), but also my feelings about other people having much worse accidents and walking away with no lasting injuries and also about the change in things I could do. It really helped to be able to talk to someone who wasn't feeling like they had to be positive (or that I had to be positive for), and who I could talk to about the difficult feelings

Thank you, that post gave me a lot to think about. I hope your dad is ok and that the memories have faded for you.

I'm so sorry OP. I am just like you. Only my downfall was horse riding, which is just as dangerous. The trauma ward I've just spent two weeks in was full of horse riders and motorcyclists.

My accident was in June, and I was seriously injured. I have residual nerve damage in my left leg, a DVT clot in the same leg, and a huge pulmonary embolism in each lung. I had cPTSD even before this, now successfully treated, but goodness knows how this might come back to affect me at a later stage.

I'm struggling with my restricted mobility in this heat, not least, the DVT socks I have to wear for weeks are hot, tight and uncomfortable. I'm daily grateful to be alive, and not to have been permanently paralysed. But we too have lost a rare travel opportunity, my poor family got the fright of their lives when told about the clots, and as well as the appalling pain of my injury I had to deal with staring my own mortality in the face.

I've been wanting to post on the tack room board about coming to terms with this, but haven't been able to bring myself to so far. I will never ride again, I've promised my child as much, but I'm grieving the loss of my much loved hobby and have been bursting into tears whenever a horse clops by on our lane.

Sending you my total sympathy and empathy OP. I know exactly how you're feeling.

I get it too OP. And from that description of what happened, I’m kind of furious at the universe on your behalf.. I’ve seen people just stand up and walk away from a lowside. You SHOULD have been just fine. Just a bit pissed off about the paintwork.

id also strongly recommend trauma counselling. You have been through a lot. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

Posted too soon.. I meant to add I both bike and horseride. And most of my mates are either one or the other. So, yeah, one or the other was bound to get me sooner or later.

i had a bad horse crash. And decided THAT was my warning. I’ve found mountain biking, surf/paddleboarding or trail running the closest thrills to my lost loves.

This is how I felt when I ruptured my Achilles

i am actually still quite traumatised because it happened so unexpectedly AND I am terrified of physical activity now, I have really lost my confidence and it’s made me really lazy and unadventurous

Yours was so so much worse! Can you get counselling?

Feeling grateful that you are still alive or more badly injured doesn't stop you feeling sad/angry etc about what you've lost - your feelings are real and completely normal and things will improve but don't be shy about seeling professional help.

i fully agree @MrsAvocet .
And in some ways being grateful of being alive or not too badly injured makes dealing with the sadness/anger/grief even harder in my experience.

If you have the means, I would go private and see a psychotherapist/psychologist SPECIALISED in trauma/accidents. Just my own experience, but having someone who is knowledgeable in my own condition/disability means I have been to progress and cal with things when working with someone with no experience was a bit if a waste of time….

@MarieIVanArkleStinks It’s so hard isn’t it. I’m sorry you are going through a very similar thing. Hugs to you 🫂

I'm sorry OP. As others have said, time and counselling will help.

If you look at the cycle of loss and grief, you will be going through a similar cycle - because it's like you are grieving your previous life and abilities (if that makes sense).

Anger is a normal response to trauma and loss, and there is some argument that you have to work through the cycle and the feelings that come with that before you come to acceptance eventually. There isn't a timeframe, but sometimes people get stuck on one part, and that's where counselling can help.

Go easy on yourself and it's ok to let it bother you (iyswim - don't feel guilty about what is a normal response to trauma and loss), you might just need some support to work through it.

And you might find that your family also need to access some support too eventually - because at the moment, they will be relieved that you are alive and well, but they may also have a delayed trauma response later on.

@Bikeybikeface that's very kind, and to you. Wishing you the speediest possible healing.