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Original poster

Unwanted gifts

63 replies

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 14/08/2022 12:31

4 times now my DSs partner has returned gifts I have lovingly chosen for her. Some of them quite expensive. She's just returned her birthday gift and acted as if I'd given her a gift wrapped turd.
What would you think if someone did this to you I am trying not to over react but I feel really upset. Most people would just say thanks then regift it or sell it on ebay if they didn't like the gift. The one she returned was something she showed me in a shop and said she loved.
I met up with them recently to discuss helping them buy a house which they were very excited about but there have been a lot of snide comments and rudeness from. Her in the past and I'm not sure I want to go ahead now.
I stay completely out of their lives I am not an interfering MIL. I have my own life.
I dont know what to do. I want to help my son but not this rude madam.

OP posts:

OriginalUsername2 · 14/08/2022 16:22

There’s something a bit off with her if she’s saying she likes something then returning it. You need to be direct with her.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 14/08/2022 16:24

Just buy her a nice book and don't worry at all if she returns it. Pick one you would like to read, and if she starts bitching, take it back.

Original poster

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 14/08/2022 19:19

Sorry didn't mean to drip feed I didn't think the age mattered it was about the rudeness. Life is hard for people now. I only have a house because I bought it in the 1980s I don't think I would be able to buy one today like most baby boomers. My son just wanted some help to get a leg up but it would affect my own finances quite considerably but you do the best for your kids but I'm not helping this woman to buy a house especially when she is so damned rude. She isn't my family.

OP posts:

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General shopping

Kite22 · 14/08/2022 21:51

My son just wanted some help to get a leg up

I think the best help you could give him is in the form of advice..... that if he wants to get on the property ladder, he might want to think about upping his earnings. You know, maybe by working full time like you are.

but it would affect my own finances quite considerably

So why would you even think about it ?

Ticksallboxes · 15/08/2022 00:35

Seriously...walk away financially but obviously be there emotionally.

She sounds completely toxic.

Sweetener12 · 15/08/2022 09:14

I offered to exchange it for something else and she said no. I tried not gifting once just sending a card and that was wrong too. She told my DS I'd insulted her.

I'm sorry, OP, but this looks like a situation where you can not win either way. I'd stop buying her gifts and would go with a gift card and a smartshow 3d video card for every occasion instead. Some people just want to be salty and there is only so much you can do about that. 💁

misskatamari · 15/08/2022 09:20

Wow, they’re both utterly taking the piss expecting you to help them with house costs, if they can’t even be arsed dragging themselves out of bed most days.

Gift wise, she’s rude! So rude! Gift voucher from now on, to keep the peace. Much as I would want to give naff all. Who behaves like that? Honestly! Cheeky mare!

Im sorry, I know it must be very hurtful, and I know you love your son and want to help him, but please focus on looking after your own finances. He’s not a 20yr old, struggling, he’s a fully grown man, and he needs to sort his own finances out. If you were swanning around with millions in the bank, have at it, but don’t dent your own savings, which you will need, to help these entitled so and so’s ❤️

Pussycat22 · 15/08/2022 09:30

She sounds nuts!!!!

Houseplantmad · 15/08/2022 09:47

OP you sound so lovely and a lovely MIL but you are right to step back and withdraw the financial support. You have worked hard, they have not, so why run yourself into the ground for people who won’t appreciate it. Save for a fabulous retirement and I would just send a card with a note saying you’ve made a donation to a charity to your DIL for her next birthday as she’s been so hard to buy for, then just send a card each year so she gets the message loud and clear.

Calphurnia88 · 15/08/2022 09:52

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 14/08/2022 19:19

Life is hard now... But most couples have at least one partner who is working full time. Unless there's more background to this, can they not increase their hours or find full time employment to help save for a house? Seems very cheeky to me that your 40-something year old son is expecting financial support from you when he's not getting out of bed until 2pm most days...

Re the gifts, if you don't want to go as far as not buying them (I would be tempted to say 'well since you returned all the last ones it seemed silly to keep buying them') I would do as other people have suggested and get a gift voucher.

Does she buy gifts for you out of interest?

Ragruggers · 15/08/2022 11:00

Do they live with you? Why do they work part time?Sheis horrible and sounds bad news I would tell them due to the rising cost of living you have decided that present giving will have to go and only children if you will receive presents.Just give a card.Donot give them any money save everything for your future.They need to grow up and fast,Stay strong if they complain ignore.

kikiterrific · 16/08/2022 19:27

We keep focusing on this women. But why is it OK for the son to also sponge of his hard-working mother?

Kite22 · 16/08/2022 23:23

I don't think anyone is saying it is okay for the son to sponge off his mother.

People will focus on answering what the OP asked about though - which is the retuning of gifts.
Those who have replied about the house deposit have asked why the pair of them aren't working full time.

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