When did you just accept your body isnt what it used to be and be confident.

[Chocolatiestchocolate]

Basically that.
I gained weight since having our last dc. 2 years ago.
I dont have the willpower to diet.
I try. I obsess. I starve myself because im so obsessed with the scales. I then get so miserable i eat crap. Go from i need to lose weight, to f-it i am who i am.
And so forth
Im a 14 to 16. 5ft 4. 13st! Lots of leg muscle tone.
A very mum tum which if i lost weight, when i have before the ' apron' part shows much more.

Ive just added loads to an online basket of clothes as I've been putting it off because im not happy with my size. But i have such limited clothes.
It's in the basket and i cant bring myself to press pay!
Because im thinking, oh i can lose weight then treat myself.
But the reality is i wont. It will get to winter and ill be living in the same few clothes. Because this is what i do.
I just want to feel confident in the size i am.
Dh is constantly telling me just to order stuff. That i dont look how i feel. That I've had 3 dcs. That he'd love me a size 6 or 26. He gets so frustrated when i put myself down because i cant see what he sees.

I just want to be confident in my image. Maybe a new style?
I live in leggings and baggy tops or plain white t shirts.

The first thing you've got to do is confess to yourself that you're not going to lose the weight. Don't let your brain con yourself into thinking you will - you won't. Maybe one day you'll feel something click and you'll lose the weight but I can promise you, you're not going to be worried about the clothes you allowed yourself to have when you were bigger then.

Next thing is to allow yourself to have nice and necessary things regardless of your size. You're putting it off because you don't think it's worth it. Ultimately, it's because YOU don't think YOU'RE worth investing in until you're physically smaller. You are worth having things you need and desire, however your body is at this moment in time.

Check out. Do it. You deserve nice and necessary things.

It helped me to say. I will lose the weight eventually when l am in a better frame of mind but now is not that time . Then l bought the size l needed and endeavoured to look well. Just press that button and enjoy your new clothes for now.

Yes there’s a balance.

You do have to accept that after having children your body does change shape, so you have to adapt your clothes. Buy some clothes to help you feel more positive about yourself now as you are.

I think don’t give up completely on losing the weight, but it might not be the right time.

Instead of very restrictive diets, which never work long term, try finding a healthy way of eating that you can live with everyday. Easier said than done I know!

look on Instagram for ideas for how to look good - I follow ‘fabfatand40plus’ for great style tips and being confident as a larger size :
instagram.com/fabfatand40plus?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

I’m hopefully not going to.

Not what you want to hear: but I was once obese and could not run for a bus. I was hot in summer and would get rashes from my chub rub. I couldn’t wear the fashions that I wanted to. I didn’t like pictures of myself.

i took up couch to 5k. I joined weight watchers and did well with their points system- applying ketogenic principles and eating lots of good fats and protein. I developed healthy habits, got down to a healthy weight and maintained it. I’d put on a couple of kilos on holidays, but because of my habits- they never stayed long and it never stressed me out.

I recently had my first baby and I put on 4 stone during my pregnancy. I have lost two already as it was mainly baby and fluid and too much third trimester snacking, and I have two more to go. People keep telling me that I don’t need to, and to give it time- but I love my body for carrying my DD so much that I want to nourish it with good food and ensure my heart is healthy through regular exercise.

Your post clearly shows you are unhappy. Don’t give up on yourself.

You deserve to take care of yourself. Just starting with making sure you drink 2 litres of water, reducing your portion size a little, finding an exercise class you like….it all helps.

You might not have the skin elasticity on your stomach prior to children and your breasts may hang lower but it's not unrealistic to aspire and work towards a healthy BMI.

I don't think punishing yourself with sad, uncomfortable and limited clothes is a good motivation. You could always donate or sell your clothes when you are bigger. Get a capsule wardrobe to see you through the next 3 months. Loads of sales on now. Life is too short to be so cruel and mean to ourselves... and actually you can like yourself and still work towards a healthier weight and fitter body.

Heck, you’re going to feel better in those clothes, and that might spur you on!

Buy the clothes!! 😘

Buy the clothes!!! I'm heavier than I used to be, or want to be. but I feel 100% better when I wear clothes that fit rather than ill fitting, too tight clothes that make me feel uncomfortable all day.
It's a vicious cycle so cut it off and buy clothes for the present you!

I think you also need to remember that the size labels are on the inside of clothes, so no one other than you can know what size you're wearing. I have multiple clothes in different sizes and it's nonsense. Wear clothes that fit, and you will feel confident.

I did last summer and it is fucking liberating! I'm a 16/18 depending on shop, I'm fit, toned and I don't give any fucks anymore.

A very mum tum which if i lost weight, when i have before the ' apron' part shows much more

I have this too - when I’m slimmer I look better in clothes but worse naked!

TBH I’ve accepted who I am at the moment, I’m a size 18 and I know I’m not healthy at this size but I’ve had a traumatic year and I’m being kind to myself. I’m on HRT and ADs to try and sort out some other issues so I just feel like the stress of worrying about diets etc is a step too far at the moment.

I’ve just started dating - I was going to wait until I’d lost some weight but then I thought no, I’d rather have someone who likes me now and will still like me if I lose the weight, rather than someone who only wants me if I’m slimmer, as it’s a cycle and I know I’ll end up back here at some point! My ex and I loved and fancied each other no matter how much we weighed, and I want that unconditional love and acceptance again.

I can honestly look at myself and think I look good these days, regardless of the extra weight, and I buy plenty of new clothes (albeit cheap and cheerful) as I deserve to look and feel good about myself.

Truthfully? It was when I looked through all of the photos of my husband and our daughter (she is 1) and realised that there weren't as many of me and her because I had deleted so many 'because I looked fat'. It made me feel so sad
My husband always tells me that I look beautiful, that I should be proud of the daughter that I carried and do you know what? He is bloody right! Now, I'm happy with my body (though trying to be slightly healthier) and accepting the way I look has just made me feel a lot happier mentally too

Used a personal trainer for a couple years and know that my body is the best it’s going to get.
If I ate more healthy and maybe ran I’d have a better body but I hate running and don’t want to get obsessed about food.

I’m not overweight but have put on a lot of weight, completely changing my body shape.
I felt the same, didn’t want to buy clothes in my new size. I recently caved in and got a gorgeous dress and feel so confident in it!

I have just found it recently... I didn't buy a full new wardrobe but did commut to invest in a few pairs of jeans in a size I never wanted to commit to.

Then I lost a stone. It started off deliberately. Went on the 16:8... so only allowed to eat between 9am & 5pm. In between those hours I made no changes. Ate exactly what I wanted to eat, sausage baps for lunch, biscuits for snack etc. No exercise. But did cut out any naughty treats in the evening etc.

The first 2 weeks were hard while my body asjusted to not being allowed anything other than water before 9am. I was so hungry and grumpy. And then I'd essentially eat lunch at 10am cos I wanted something proper.

The weight loss was so slow. I think I lost 4lbs in 4 weeks. (Pre kids I could drop that in a weekend). And then suddenly it just fell off. And now I'm a stone lighter and although I'm my heaviest pre kids weight (a weight I was miserable at at the time), I feel great. I still have the mum tum, my boobs are trashed, I have stretch marks... and I could still lose another stone. But I've had 3 kids. The eldest is 5, youngest is 1. Fuck it! The notion that we can look like we did before is utter bollacks, except for a very lucky few.

I don't tell you this to encourage you to lose weight because if you don't have the motivation you won't. I only tell you because you sound exactly like I did. I just couldn't be arsed. I was tired, food was the thing that made me feel better when the kids were draining me. I'd try and then one of the kids wouldn't sleep and I'd be eating a crumpet an inch thick in butter.

16:8 has honestly changed my life. Its just been a total lifestyle change because it has MASSIVELY reduced my appetite. I eat what I fancy, I just eat less. I still haven't started any exercise (like literally none). The best I do is try not to avoid going upstairs. I don't count calories. I don't eat salads. If you ever feel ready to try and make a change again then I cannot recommend it enough.

But if you don't then feck it. Buy the clothes. You will look and feel infinitely better in clothes that fit and work for the shape you are now. Then look at the tiny humans you grew and remind yourself that that is what this body can do!

While I lost my baby-weight, gaining 50% of my body weight in 4.5 months, mainly in the bump, I've been left with a saggy, crinkly overhang.

I hated it in the first year. It didn't look like the rest of me. It was numb and didn't even feel attached to me. I decided that I would buy a well cut, high waist bikini because I was not hiding my body for the rest of my life from the tender age of 30.

Nourish your body. Maintain it with exercise. Celebrate what it can do for you. Wear clothes that make you feel better regardless of the numbers in them.

If you had an old car that was not your first choice, it would still work its best if you maintain it well. Your body is amazing and deserves to be looked after.

I did the body coach Joe Wicks plan at home to lose baby weight, you clearly aren’t happy so do it for yourself.

When I saw my daughters get into their late teens and start stressing over their perfectly fine, beautiful and healthy bodies. It was so frustrating telling them that they both looked great, but knowing that they didn't believe it themselves, because it was exactly how I felt about myself. I worked on changing my mindset, and helping my daughters change theirs. The false images of perfection on social media have trashed many peoples self confidence and I'm glad that the backlash has begun.
Buy the clothes OP! Work with, enjoy and put the nice clothes on the body you have, and stop wishing your time away on the body you don't have.

Great mindset!

Look at the work of Kat Shaw Artist on facebook. She's very body-positive and woman-centred. Look regularly for a few days. She changes your outlook.
www.facebook.com/katshawartist
Etsy is a good place to see a gallery of her work, it's quicker than fb.
www.etsy.com/shop/KatShawArtist?ref=shop_sugg

I don’t think about how my body looks, I concentrate on my health. Health is important, wrinkly skin, saggy bits are not important.
I have several big operation scars, and only one boob now. I honestly don’t care anymore about how that looks.
But I exercise every day (not manically, could be just a dog walk), and I eat very healthily.
Value yourself, be grateful for what your body has achieved and will continue to achieve. And focus on staying healthy.

I have come to terms with menopausal body changes outwith my control, but I would never come to terms with having an unhealthy BMI - because I can control that and it affects more than how I look.

For me, exercise is key. If I am exercising my body I feel I need to look after it with healthy food and plenty of sleep. Exercise is good for my mental as much as my physical health and encourages me to value and care for my body. Not so I look good - so I feel good. It also helps me stay slim, which pays dividends in the menopausal years.

A bit of a balance - I am 44 and about 3-4 stone overweight (but I'm very tall so 'carry it' ok, whatever that means). I do want to lose weight and be healthier and I don't think I'll ever stop that, but at the same time I'm not going to let it stop me doing what I want and wearing what I feel good in. I do not want to waste time hiding myself or beating myself up. I'm all for self-improvement but it's easy to let your whole life pass you by while you're waiting to become the ideal you (that doesn't really exist). Enjoy what you have!

I agree with this 100% and similar to my philosophy and experience.

I eat really healthily and exercise because I want a strong healthy body. I live with chronic pain and health conditions so it's very important to me

I hear you. No matter what I do I can't get rid of the mum tum.

I've found exercise helps. I got some dumbbells and a kettlebell and do the free routines online. I try to walk everywhere. I swim a couple of nights a week. It's about trying to be healthy and fit, despite the mum tum for me.

Please see this link.

I am not overweight but do have menopause body, loose paunch around tummy, bat wings etc.

I also don't have the energy to work out like I used to in 20s, 30s, and even 40s.

But I saw the weight creeping up and myself becoming slower and looser.

It was the start of me getting old.
So I told myself I have to do something about this. Went on YouTube and found Fabulous 50s. It has changed my life and my body. I'm never going to be me in my 20s again but I do want to be healthy to ward off the ravishes of old age.

I am more toned, I have lost weight, but even that is something I try not to focus on because loosing weight will happen in its own time as you become more toned.

I clicked on the shopping basket last night and am waiting for the new
clothes, new size.

I am fed up of squeezing myself in to clothes that don't fit anymore.
They are packed and going to the clothes bank tomorrow.

As other posts-have said do drink your 2 litres of water a day. Just sips through out the day rather glugging down in one go.