Can anyone tell me how they got the worst time in their life? I’m at my lowest ever and can only see darkness

[Treeeaj]

Just that really. Broken relationship. Blaming myself. Pregnant and feel exhausted and scared for the future. Anxiety is spiralling. I have had to cut hours at work. I am desperately alone.

Ive had bad times before but I am in darkness this time.

Is there a counselling charity that could help, a women's or parenting organisation or just a general counselling one? I've had next to no help from the NHS but I'm getting amazing support though a local charity

OP, I found that breaking down my day into little chunks is what helped me through some awful times. Sometimes it was even the length of time it would take to have a shower and get dressed and If achieved that I’d struggle onto the next small chunk of time.

I hope you feel better soon but please talk to your midwife as there is such a thing as prenatal depression and you could very well be suffering from this. But even if you’re not they should be made aware you are at risk of PND and they can tell your HV.

I've been there. Reading the bible and prayer helped me. There are lots of verses in the bible that I've found encouraging in times of desperation e.g. biblereasons.com/despair/. A quick search on Google will throw some more up. Of course it helps that I believe, but I think even if you don't, reading (or watching) something positive can be a source of encouragement and hope.

I ended up in hospital and looked like a skeleton. I don’t think I’d have got through it without my DS and Netflix.
And latterly, anti-depressants and a lot of time off work.
I was at the end point many times tbh.
Try and take things even just a minute at a time. I look back now and I can’t remember just how bad I felt when things were at their worst.
If you can, take joy in simple things like the sun on your face. Oh and I hope that this doesn’t sound trite or patronising but I’d remind myself that many people survived Auschitwz when all they had was hope.

OP, I've been where you are.
I've been awake at 3am contemplating whether it's all worth it.. really was my lowest point. Went downstairs to make a brew and there was a natural history thing on a podcast about early humans etc. I just liked background noise so that I didn't feel so alone.
But listening to it, I was struck by the weirdest thought ever - but it literally changed my outlook on life and still does!

Here goes..
Since the dawn of time, humans have been struggling - to find food, shelter, a mate, not be eaten by predators, fall off a cliff, get swept away in the river, die of disease, injury, or in childbirth. Obviously many more perished than survived, but we're an inventive species so we adapt and overcome.

And as I sat there, it dawned on me that even in order for me to be sitting there at 3am wondering if I could go on, I must in fact be the descendant of an unbroken chain of survivors! If any of them hadn't survived, the chain would have broken and I wouldn't exist! Weird thought I know, but it really grabbed me..

I opened the patio doors and said to nobody "not today world, do your worst by all means, but trust me today is my day and I'll choose what happens next, not you".

Literally jumped in the shower and felt better. Started making a list of things pissing me off and actions I could or couldn't take.
Decided I needed energy for this so prioritised self care first - you can't mow the grass if you've not sharpened the blade.
Kept it simple - sleep important, no crap foods and force some exercise to start retaining my body that it had more to do than just mope around.

And then just prioritised time into things I chose and stopped thinking / doing crap things with my time.
None of us are here for long, so may as well get in the mix and do your funky thang whatever the hell you choose that to be!!

Good luck, you're not alone.

I had a very low period a number of years ago when a partner left one evening without any warning. I was absolutely shell shocked and had got myself in a position where I had no friends and was quite isolated from family, with both my parents already passed even though I was only in my 20s. I called a helpline I was so low and the person said to me that they promised this time next year things would be better and I just had to put one foot in front of the other at the moment. I can honestly say that those words were true and have stayed with me 20 years later. I hope things work out for you.

Antidepressants. Sertraline is safe in pregnancy. Keeping busy.

I went through something similar, ex was off sleeping around, living the life of riley while I was alone, pregnant, scared for the future. It does get easier. Try to slowly get the house ready for the baby. Maybe join an NCT group?

You can PM me for a chat if you like. It honestly does get better.

I've been through some hard times, but by thinking/looking forward and knowing I wouldn't feel this way forever is how I got through the dark clouds.

I asked myself if I could imagine a time when it would be different. So perhaps when your baby is here and a lovely chubby toddler sleeping through and the light of your life.

I could imagine it, and so I made myself spending time imagining it every day. And then it happened. No rubbish about visualisation or anything like that, just time, self-distraction and replacing despair with hope.

Leant on my friends. Just kept putting one foot in front of the other and not looking too far ahead. Focussing on the present moment (The Power of Now philosophy)

My bad period was quite superficial in many ways - just money problems, anxieties and lots of stress, but I did find out something worth sharing. I spent most of the time thinking 'This is all so unfair, I just want one thing to go right for us! Just one bloody thing!' At the time I read a self-help book that I didn't find that good, but it had one really good piece of advice in it to accept:

Life isn't fair.

That sounds really negative, but actually absorbing the fact that Life Isn't Fair helped me feel much better and to cope much more. When it looked like one of our big problems was finally going to solved - but then there turned out to be a reason we couldn't accept the solution - rather than seeing it as another thing gone wrong I think understanding things aren't fair helped me take that setback on the chin, and not wallow in how unfair everything seemed.

By putting one foot in front of the other and telling myself anything was better than nothing. When the thought of an entire day ahead seemed overwhelming I split the day into chunks with small targets. E.g it's 9am, I am up, dressed, teeth brushed and have drunk tea. It's midday, I have walked to the corner shop and back and bought bread. I will eat some toast and I'm still alive. Next target will be 3pm, I will watch TV.

Might sound bonkers, but I managed to cling on using my baby steps self coaching method

And then yes, counselling and antidepressants too

Good luck chick, genuine love being sent to you

Georgette Heyer books. There are enough to keep you going for a couple of hours reading every day for a year. It's always sunny in Regency England. Reading is an escape, and they don't ask too much of you. They got me through my divorce.

I always think of GH as being a bit like going to a homeopath - you know it's not going to do any harm, and it might make you feel better.

Also, walks. Not the really long ones that people always recommend when you're miserable, but just about twenty mins - half an hour, more than once a day if you can make yourself. When everything feels too much, it's usually possible to tell yourself that you'll just walk for 15 mins then turn around and come back. Do-able is good.

I hope that things get better for you.

I don't know. I'm in a similar place ( different life events). But I wanted to acknowledge your post.

And say thank you to all the people replying xxxx

Reading about the Georgette Heyer books made me smile, escapism is a great tip. Although my own took the form of watching Escape to the Chateau reruns.

One day at a time. Reminding myself that nothing ever stays the same. Crying. Long baths. Opening my world view by helping people, even tiny things like giving away apples from our tree. Medication. Sleep. No pressure to feel and do and be better, getting through the day is enough.
Best of luck, I hope you can reach out to people in real life also for support. They might surprise you.

Medication initially. Some time off work until I was more able to work.

Medication, counselling. I read bits in books. One said that feelings are like rainstorms - they have a beginning, a middle and an end.
I plodded through. I came off the medication. The counselling wasn't mind-blowing but there were a few good pointers and sentences. For instance, one is always in a bit of a state when undecided. Once a decision is made you(one!) feels a bit easier. I made a decision to block out and eliminate someone's e-mails to me. It was a big step. I wrote out feelings in an exercise book and threw it away a few years later.
I look back and wonder how I could ever have become so low, but it really was low for a while, and then I recovered.
I wish you very well. As you see from this thread, you are not the only one, and there is some good practical advice.

Medication and time got me out of that black pit. Also hard work - tools like that can help you but you’ve got to push hard to feel better. Sleep, have a routine, wash every day and get exercise. It’s so hard, I know it’s so hard. Just put one foot in front of the other and do one thing a day that makes you feel good even if that one thing is making the bed or texting a friend.

Also when you see the light at the end of the tunnel - and you will, you truly will, even if it seems really far away keep moving forward. It takes all your energy but you can do it. You truly can. I thought I would never escape that pit I thought the light would never come back. I only saw darkness for a long time. But it did come back, it truly did. Nothing is permanent, even the worst days.

another one still working through mine. Dh died just over a year ago from a shock diagnosis of cancer. We married in hospital and he died 8 days later.

since then my mum has been diagnosed with oesophagal cancer, my sis in law has had thyroid cancer and my heart has been declared dodgy and I’m under Liverpool heart and chest hospital. Plus various issues with the kids and other things

i try and find a little bit of focus in the here and now, a flock of birds (jackdaws that fly over at the same time every evening, a lovely view, my garden, crochet, a good bit of
telly or. A trip out.

wishing you love and strength Op. whatever our reasons are for being in darkness one day it’s not a nice thing to be there

All the best and positivity op, basically for me taking events one hour and then one day at a time, then trying to do my best.

Sorry to hear you feel so low. There are lots of antidepressants that are safe to take in pregnancy so don’t be put off by that. The benefits outweigh the small risks in lots of cases. Does your midwife know you feel like this? There should be a perinatal mental health team who help women like you

I also have jackdaws! Love them :)
I can’t believe I forgot medication! Not long term, but got me through some of the worst bits.
would second talking to your midwife, I saw the perinatal MH team and they were brilliant, 💯 recommend .

Therapy one time and counselling the second time.