Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Help! DS starts school in 1 week and says he isn't going

56 replies

rationalopposition · 10/08/2022 18:29

We went a walk past his school today and I said 'there's your school, won't it be exciting to start next week!' He was very matter of fact and replied that he isn't going Shock

I tried to remind him about his visit, which he quite enjoyed (I think Confused) and he very crossly said he'd been to school and wasn't going back.

What should I do?! I was going to get his uniform out this week and get him to try it on etc, but he had the looks of an almighty tantrum about him today.

OP posts:
WeAllHaveWings · 10/08/2022 19:08

LilacPoppy · 10/08/2022 19:04

@WeAllHaveWings why did you lie to him?

Did it all the time, tooth fairy, easter bunny, santa the lot. He's 18 now and was definitely traumatised by all the lies 🤣

Calmdown14 · 10/08/2022 19:08

I think the build up is worse for them. Makes it into a big deal.
He's just going here to play with some new friends.

If he kicks off on the day, it is nothing they haven't seen before and will be prepared to deal with it.
A quick 'look we have jigsaws, a hamster, paint' and something will get them in.

Just try and keep it together and cry with everyone else on the way out!

I'd also take him by yourself. I don't understand the whole family waving them off. I wouldn't want to go in school knowing everyone else I love is having a nice day out without me. A boring day where mum is working not so much to miss out on

gogohmm · 10/08/2022 19:09

Just get him dressed on the day and take him. Some parts of parenting is make them do things that are non negotiable

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General education
Purplepatsy · 10/08/2022 19:09

TheLionTheWitchAndTheChesterDraws · 10/08/2022 19:07

I thought you were being serious for a minute! 😂

Show quote history

She was being serious, just regretting it now and rudely calling people gullible.

2bazookas · 10/08/2022 19:09

Instead of making conversation with him/asking questions/inviting his opinion about uniform/big day/won't it be fun.... just let the topic drop.

Walk him past the school as often as you can ... while talking about something else. No mention of school.

On the first day of school, get him up dressed and fed and set off on that familiar walk. He's sure to recognise some other new p1's waiting to go in.

KnottyKnitting · 10/08/2022 19:10

My DD was very much like this just before she started school. She went into a flat spin when ever it was mentioned ( there was a little book to fill in with pictures to colour and draw and she just flipped whenever we brought it out!) So we put the book away and didn't mention it again until a few days before she started. The induction period was very gentle and she settled in absolutely fine.

Original poster
rationalopposition · 10/08/2022 19:10

No, he's going and that's that tbh Grin

We're going for a food shop tomorrow so I'll loiter by the pencil cases and see if he'd like one.

OP posts:
ancientgran · 10/08/2022 19:12

I might be out of line here but I love his style. I reckon he will go far.

TopBitchoftheWitches · 10/08/2022 19:12

You take your child to school. This is utterly ridiculous.

Threeboysandadog · 10/08/2022 19:14

Ds2 was the same. Every time I bought something for school he said “I won’t need that, I’m not going to school”. He went.

PritiPatelsMaker · 10/08/2022 19:18

We're going for a food shop tomorrow so I'll loiter by the pencil cases and see if he'd like one

Do 5yo need Pencil Cases? We were actively discouraged from providing them until they were a little older. Something about arming 30 4 & 5 yo not being a brilliant idea...Grin

Goldbar · 10/08/2022 19:20

I'd get him excited about choosing a new lunch box and pencil case, dress him in his uniform and deposit him at the school gates with an "Isn't this exciting? You'll get to use your new pencil case and have your lunch box at lunch-time. Mummy will be back to pick you up later and you can tell me all about it".

RelaxTheCacks · 10/08/2022 19:22

This is eternal, I had to be peeled off the door frame to get me into class but there was no debate at 5.

isthatwhatyoureallywanted · 10/08/2022 19:24

The Janet & Allan Ahlberg "Starting School" is excellent as it refers to the fact that you go back the next day... and the whole week and, indeed, the whole term. It made me laugh the first time I read it to DD before she started school as a friend's child refused to go back on day 2 as she'd been to school once and that was it as far as she was concerned

LilacPoppy · 10/08/2022 19:28

@WeAllHaveWings huge difference between lies that are fun and make believe and being abusive.

Favouritefruits · 10/08/2022 19:35

The best tip I can give you is to blame the Queen, ‘ the Queen says all children must go to school’ he can’t then be angry at you or anyone else in your family and can’t argue about having to go.

LadyEloise1 · 10/08/2022 19:42

hotdiggetydog · 10/08/2022 18:56

Think you need to respect his opinion here. Is a year out a workable compromise?

😂

WeAllHaveWings · 10/08/2022 19:47

LilacPoppy · 10/08/2022 19:28

@WeAllHaveWings huge difference between lies that are fun and make believe and being abusive.

just told ds I am abusive and he is 🤣🤣🤣🤣. Do you think he could be masking?

hotdiggetydog · 10/08/2022 21:01

Purplepatsy · 10/08/2022 19:09

She was being serious, just regretting it now and rudely calling people gullible.

Show quote history

Yes. I was seriously suggesting that she defer her son's schooling for a year. Rolls eyes

ancientgran · 10/08/2022 21:02

Favouritefruits · 10/08/2022 19:35

The best tip I can give you is to blame the Queen, ‘ the Queen says all children must go to school’ he can’t then be angry at you or anyone else in your family and can’t argue about having to go.

Local mums didn't approve of me home schooling as it meant they couldn't use this sort of line. They honestly thought I should send mine so they could lie to theirs.

EVHead · 10/08/2022 21:37

Does he have a wee pal to walk to school with? Once he sees his friends in their uniform too he’ll be all excited. 🙂

w0rkschmurk · 10/08/2022 21:41

Kids often say these sorts of things when they're feeling a bit scared or anxious. Having a casual chat with him about what he's thinking/feeling about school might help.

SenoritaNaturista · 10/08/2022 21:44

I liked what my Belgian relatives did, they took the child to a shop to “choose their own special pens/crayons and pencils” so the child had some control over the situation.

Goawayangryman · 10/08/2022 21:49

Eeh, sense of humour failures on here tonight...

No, your kid won't be forever damaged by a wee white lie. Actually it is the case that you can be prosecuted for non-attendance. (In England, and once of school age...suspect OP is in Scotland or NI)... You wouldn't get prison time but hey ho....

OP I'd completely forget mentioning it and then just get him up and out on the first day. All will be fine !

azimuth299 · 10/08/2022 22:32

I think different children respond to different things.

One of my two would like choosing a new backpack and water bottle, trying on uniform, watching YouTube videos and reading books about first days at school, having a special breakfast on the first day etc.

My other one I would make sure he knew exactly what was going to happen, but then I'd drop it entirely. On the first day dress him in his uniform, tell him that today was the day on the walk down and make as little fuss as possible. If I'd mentioned school in the run up he would have dug his heels in. I think you have the second type of child on your hands.

Swipe left for the next trending thread