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Original poster

URGENT HELP

62 replies

Bjarnum · 08/08/2022 17:50

My youngest daughter has been locked out of the flat she shares with her boyfriend. They have had issues with their relationship. The flat is his but her belongings are there and also her furniture. She cannot get in to get clothes for work and cannot get any time off. Her rabbits are locked into the garden too and she cannot reach them - and even if she could there is nowhere to take them. We live over 100 miles away and have no means of getting there. He won't answer calls and is not in. Any advice please?

OP posts:
Divebar2021 · 08/08/2022 18:53

Are the rabbits in the house or garden? If the latter could she climb into the garden via a neighbours property and remove them. She would need to find a rescue space for them unless she knows someone who would have them
temporarily? She should let her line manager know and hopefully get some leave to take the pressure off getting in the house. I’d also contact the police - response might be variable depending where she is. If she’s been the victim of any domestic abuse she should let them know - increases the likelihood of assistance.

Original poster
Bjarnum · 08/08/2022 18:58

Lots of useful advice. We have already said we will pay for a hotel. And that she should come home. But this is her dream job - but through an agency- and they have already given her time off for various dramas and she fears this will be a step too far. Her DP is nasty but not violent. Will pass the Facebook thing on

OP posts:
HappyHamsters · 08/08/2022 19:04

Hopefully she wont need any more time off because this will be the last drama. Has she been able to sort anything out yet, poor girl.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 08/08/2022 19:07

I would ring the police.

Original poster
Bjarnum · 08/08/2022 19:07

Obviously I am furious at the way he is treating DD, but I also have some sympathy for him feeling he cannot tell his family and friends he is gay. And TBF they are pretty bigoted and it is very likely they will totally reject him. Ironically our DD would be supportive if he would only be up front with her. I suspect he is terrified she will out him

OP posts:
Lineala · 08/08/2022 19:07

Ask the police to attend to enable her to retrieve her belongings. Some forces will help, some won't. If not can you speak pleasantly over the phone to the boyfriend to make arrangements for her to retrieve her things?

Original poster
Bjarnum · 08/08/2022 19:19

HappyHamsters · 08/08/2022 19:04

Hopefully she wont need any more time off because this will be the last drama. Has she been able to sort anything out yet, poor girl.

You sound lovely! Thank you. So far no further news. I have passed everything on from the collective wisdom here. I want her home. But the reality is that she would struggle here. We live in the sticks with poor transport connections and few job opportunities, and she doesn't drive. We have had our doubts about this relationship for years and could see where it was heading. but it all fell on deaf ears. She is a lovely girl, sweet and generous. But a dreadful tendency to see what she wants to see rather than reality!

OP posts:
Inthesameboatatmo · 08/08/2022 19:24

She needs to call the police to accompany her to get her belongings

Original poster
Bjarnum · 08/08/2022 19:24

Lineala · 08/08/2022 19:07

Ask the police to attend to enable her to retrieve her belongings. Some forces will help, some won't. If not can you speak pleasantly over the phone to the boyfriend to make arrangements for her to retrieve her things?

This is a good idea - will ask her to text his number

OP posts:
HappyHamsters · 08/08/2022 19:25

She does need to have a plan really, I knownits all a but up in the air and messy at the moment, where does she live, can she rent a room or house share. Is their relationship over now do you think. Would he benefit from some counselling or would he contact a helpline, he sounds a bit a messed up.

Original poster
Bjarnum · 08/08/2022 19:28

So glad I posted in here - you have all been marvellous. Thank you so much. I know she got all the advice, but her phone has now died so will have to wait to see how this pans out until she can charge it or call from another phone. Thank you all again

OP posts:
WinnysPinny · 08/08/2022 19:34

She can get time of work. No one is so important they cannot take a days leave

Original poster
Bjarnum · 08/08/2022 19:41

HappyHamsters · 08/08/2022 19:25

She does need to have a plan really, I knownits all a but up in the air and messy at the moment, where does she live, can she rent a room or house share. Is their relationship over now do you think. Would he benefit from some counselling or would he contact a helpline, he sounds a bit a messed up.

Exactly - but he is in denial. Initially he explained the gay websites as being "curious" - and drunk. However, he is not tech savvy and since then has signed a subscription to various sites. We are hoping she can access a room in a shared house till issues can be sorted. She will be able at least to sell the furniture she owns. I think to save the relationship they both have to accept he is gay and then go on to the plan to remain friends and live separate lives. It may be that to maintain the illusion of "normality" to family and friends both will agree to them being housemates. At least until she can move out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bjarnum · 08/08/2022 19:45

It's not that she is important - more that there have been a series of issues, some medical (she has endometriosis ) and some emotional due to the drama with her DP. She has no protection under employment law and feels that this may be the last straw

OP posts:
Jimmyneutronsforehead · 08/08/2022 19:50

This is a domestic abuse situation. It's not physical, yet, but it's still abuse.

And any workplace worth their salt should have a procedure for domestic abuse situations.

If she pays towards the rent in any capacity and has been there over 30 days this may well be an illegal eviction on the boyfriends part.

She should contact women's aid, and shelter when she has time.

But even if she were to get back in today, she needs to leave that relationship.

HappyHamsters · 08/08/2022 20:04

I think she needs to leave this relstionship, not because of his sexuality but because of his drug addiction. That is of much more concern.

Original poster
Bjarnum · 08/08/2022 20:07

Jimmyneutronsforehead Thank you

OP posts:
Minecraftatemychild · 08/08/2022 20:08

Re the locksmith, I’ve got locked out twice and both times the locksmith let me in without asking for ID. It’s always puzzled me to be honest!! Hope she gets someone who can get her in. Personally I’d keep what I told the locksmiths very simple: “I’m locked out of my home, my boyfriend is away and not answering his phone, can you get me in and then I’ll show you my passport or whatever?” If for example her passport is in there.

Wotaloadofshit · 08/08/2022 20:14

Bjarnum · 08/08/2022 18:27

I can't! No car till Thursday - and we live too far away for her to commute from here so she'd lose her job

Then you rent a car, you drive the 2 hours to your daughter and you wait with her until she can get in later when he returns. You then bring her back to yours and support her everyday you can to help her move on.

Sorry if I missed it but why can't she get in, surely she had her keys with her when she went out and if he is also out he couldn't have left the key in the lock or anything otherwise he wouldn't be able to get in

Rainallnight · 08/08/2022 20:19

OP please don’t encourage her to live with him as housemates for his benefit. He sounds awful. She should put clear blue water between them.

Original poster
Bjarnum · 08/08/2022 20:24

Wotaloadofshit · 08/08/2022 20:14

Then you rent a car, you drive the 2 hours to your daughter and you wait with her until she can get in later when he returns. You then bring her back to yours and support her everyday you can to help her move on.

Sorry if I missed it but why can't she get in, surely she had her keys with her when she went out and if he is also out he couldn't have left the key in the lock or anything otherwise he wouldn't be able to get in

Show quote history

I can no longer contact her. He broke the key in the lock then left.

OP posts:
dehloh · 08/08/2022 20:32

What is she doing?

Original poster
Bjarnum · 08/08/2022 20:33

All car rentals near me closed till tomorrow

OP posts:
Original poster
Bjarnum · 08/08/2022 20:35

dehloh · 08/08/2022 20:32

What is she doing?

No idea. Forwarded all the advice. Offered to pay for hotel. Offered to collect her. Her phone now dead

OP posts:
HappyHamsters · 08/08/2022 20:45

You can call her local.police station or 111 yourself as you are concerned about her and she is out of contact now

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