Found vape products in teens bedroom - help me navigate this

[TeenVapeAngst]

For disclosure - i didnt go looking, i respect their privacy but had been given permission to pop in to their room to gather laundry from floor (sigh) while they are away for a couple of days, and this is where i found the stuff. I don't usually do their laundry, but it's just one of those occasions where they have a tight turn around and hadn't got around to it.

My teen is almost 18 so I count myself lucky we've got this far and honestly feel this is a recent thing in their life.

They have a close friend who vapes and I am hoping this is more of a fitting in choice than anything but who knows?

Anyway, I'm honestly heartbroken over the vaping. Please don't bring me down for this - but I'm against this, for my own reasons and teen knows this and I thought respected this.

Also, if I'm thinking correctly then they've used money I've given them for lunches for this stuff and therefore skipped food in favour of vapes which just makes me worry even more. How much does this stuff cost? I've no idea?

I did ask the other night if they'd been vaping in their room and then seemed shocked that I'd asked but it was just a random moment when I just thought a) husky voice - odd, and b) vapey aroma in room. 🤨 they just brushed it off with a remark of being in company of friends who vape so of course theyd pick up thd smell on their clothes!

It's all piecing together now.

Until now we've had no issues of concern so have navigated the teen years fairly well. It's just now that I'm worried and I just don't know how to handle this.

They'll be back at college in the next couple of weeks.

Any advice?

Just a quick update for anyone interested in not belittling me and my concerns ...

Just checking pockets before putting the wash on and found a vape packaging box for a 2% nicotine vape and also a packet of rizzla papers . So nicotine IS a concern here.

This is the teen who has been vehemently against smoking and vaping, and complaining about being "hot boxed" when waiting in line for the bus home from 6th form.

So clearly I do need to have a conversation here.

Yes, I know its their body/their choice etc and I'm really hoping this is a phase - smoking and let's face it, the reality of becoming addicted to smoking, will seriously impact their career choice where they will need to be at the ultimate peak of their fitness. I won't say here what that career choice is.

Least of all to mention they are using my money to buy this crapola - money that is given to them to cover their lunches. So this IS a concern. Its the deceit - whereas a grown up conversation could have taken place, why it hasn't I don't know ......

To those who will reply to this update, I kindly guide you to my first paragraph - be kind please. Whilst this might not be a big thing to you, it is to me.

Thank you.

If he's vaping then Rizzla papers could be related to marijuana.

I see papers & think "spliffs" not hand rolled tobacco.

Either way smoking straight weed & vaping is not known to be cancer causing

Tread carefully OP, if you react strongly about an 18yr old with vape & papers, he may not feel he can come to you if he ever has an actual serious issue.

@GeriSignfeld thankyou for replying.

I hadn't thought of weed!

Tbh I wouldn't know what it looks like - what to look for?

@GeriSignfeld and do you use a lighter with a disposable vape?

Oh god!

Weed you would surely smell.

You do not need a lighter for vapes.

My dd is 14 op I have the same issues. I have had the chat but I know she will do it with her mates behind my back. It's not easy.

I am a teacher and yes the toilets are full withe even several y7's smoking. I don't know the answer.

You don't know what weed looks like? Google it!

The fact you don't know what weed looks like or what papers are for leads me to think you may be quite innocent.

This isn't a good place to come from when trying to communicate recreational drug culture with teens. They will more likely think you're out of the loop, old fashioned & roll their eyes.

If you're hell bent on bringing this up with him, I would confide in a trusted family friend, uncle, dad type figure who can chat with him.

I was able to give up 20+ years of chronic marijuana & cigarette smoking using vapes, so to be clear am a big advocate of them. Nicotine & and of itself isn't going to kill you. Cigarettes will.

Why are you so adamant they are spending their lunch money on this?
Do you child not have access to any other money?
Job? Allowance? Birthday and Christmas money? How do they socialise?

What size are the rizal?

Vape is pretty harmless in itself - certainly any vape you can buy in this country. Nicotine in itself - at the doses in both vape and tobacco - is also not really harmful although very addictive. It's the other elements of smokable tobacco products which damage health, so I can see how the rizlas might cause concern.

You don't like it/approve and that's fine. But beyond mentioning that, I don't think there's much you can productively do/say to a near-adult to get the outcome you want, unless they are particularly responsive to your guidance. I'd recommend being more relaxed about it

Does not do

No, vapes are battery operated.

There is no fire or smoke. It's vapour, not smoke.

This is partly why there are not the same carcinogens with vaping like there is with smoking.

The fact you don't know that vaping doesn't involve a lighter makes me think you should try to educate yourself, maybe talk to some colleagues who vape & find out about it all works before attempting to chat with your son.

Otherwise if you come off as clueless, daggy & cringeworthy nothing of what you say or think will likely have any kind of effect.

Many teenagers experiment & push boundaries. At 18 he is finding his place in the world & trying new experiences.

Some of these things you may or may not agree with.

As long as you don't overreact & they feel they can come to you with anything, that's what's important.

You sound like a good caring mum

@TeenVapeAngst at a checkup with Dr, he asked my husband did he smoke/vape? He does both, dr said stop smoking carry on vaping. Wouldn't worry too much think cig's do far more damage.

@GeriSignfeld thankyou for taking time to reply. You are really helping me figure this all out.

I'm having a few light bulb moments- I'm hoping I'm wrong but ......

Picky eater, but binges on sweets - loads of empty sweet wrappers and cake boxes in room which I've just cleared out. Bizarrely found one of those mini dog poop bag key ring pouches - not "ours", it's empty and doesn't smell of anything ......

I do know a bit about drug awareness as attended the parent chats at school etc but in terms of personal experience - zilch.

It's not looking good is it?

They are home in about an hour or so- I have had permission to go in room and gather clothes, clear floor and hoover etc so I've done that.

I'll keep quiet for now and observe and perhaps visit Talk to Frank for some advice. If I'm wrong then this could go badly, equally so if I'm right - and yes, I'd do care

This. Mine was smoking weed at 16 and I couldn’t say a thing because I could roll an immaculate joint at the same age.

My 17 yo vapes, smokes weed and cigarettes, hides bottles of vodka and finished off our wine the other night without asking. They have younger friends - 15 to 16 - who do similar. I don't like it anymore than you do though my teen hasn't entirely hidden it, though won't give details usually.

We limited their pocket money but they then borrowed off friends and have stolen off us till we got wise.

This had been going on for a while. They know our views but I can see these habits abound with their peers.

Ours has a diagnosis of depression and anxiety for which they take meds - I point out they shouldn't also be self medicating. What I particularly don't like is them indulging alone, rather than just when with friends. I see that as a form of self harm and try to intercede with something more wholesome if I see their mood dipping, which can help.

They now have a job so I can't stop them buying things, and it's been good for their mental health to he in work which to me is more important overall.

I think OP you need to realise you can only guide and suggest - even if you can stop it now, there will come a day when you can't. My teen overdid it recently (alcohol, was with friends) and couldn't go to work the next day due to having a hangover and talked quite sensibly about how they wouldn't do that again (loses pay too as is only paid for hours worked).

Better to try to accept it to a degree if you want them to talk about it with you. Also the stress of trying to stop something you can't is significant and will mess with your head. (As I know all too well).

Remember many teens do these things and the vast majority don't either drop dead or become addicts. I misused alcohol quite a bit for some years and I didn't!

Yup this. This is a you problem. Stop banging on about "respect" and stop rifling through their bloody things so you can moan to MN. Bigger fish and all that.

What a drama over an adult who can make their own choices.
I very much doubt many parents behave like this, OP needs to step
back and stop the panic.

I'm sorry you feel hurt by the comments. The rizlas are more worrying than the vape. Even so, I really think you need to try to come at this from a less judgemental angle, it won't help if he's turned to this as a crutch for something else that's going on. Your response could potentially change your position from enemy to confidante, (even if it's not your natural response you go with). When you're feeling vulnerable, you're more likely to respond to kindness than anger/disappointment.

I think it's a good idea to read up on Frank. It's normal to experiment at that age but the most important thing you can aim for is to keep the channels of communication open. It's not easy. Good luck