Foreskin question...

[adhdforme]

Please forgive my ignorance on this topic, but when should a boys foreskin roll down so they can wash themselves? And more forward thinking - I'm worried he will become embarrassed as he gets older when it doesn't roll down for intercourse. He is 11 and I was in the bathroom with him chatting today while he has a bath and just casually asked him because I know it's not rolled down before when he was younger and it's worried me, but like anything health related if I show concern my husband rolls his eyes and says I'm making a big deal out of nothing. But my mind keeps going back to my husband's friends dad from high school (the boy obviously gossiped about his fast who had to be circumcised at the age of 40 due to issues similar to this. 😕

An ex bf had had an operation when he was 13 as his didn't retract properly. It was pretty traumatic at 13, especially when he woke up absolutely covered in blood (stitches had burst).

He said it was THE worst age to have it done and wished it had been done when he was younger or left until he was less self conscious.

@adhdforme I'm sorry you're married to stuff a horrible horrible man. Have you considered leaving him for your & DS sake??

I'm glad this thread has been reinstated, when I looked a few days ago it said it was taken down by MN

Not a weird question. 11 is late, I would assume that will need surgery. I would get to the GP ASAP, because of current waiting times.

Ps my son was circumcised aged 10, and it was quite sore the first day, but completely fine after that. My husband was really quite resistant beforehand, and he even accused me of "pushing for unnecessary surgery", but it was 100% worth it. It used to take the poor boy 2 whole minutes to get a wee out because it was so tight, and he kept on getting infections because he couldn't clean it. And now he doesn't spray the whole bathroom with wee either!

Yes some lovely mumsnet trolls reported me so this thread was deleted and I had my account blocked for a day. 😑Thanks for that. I'd call you all some special names but then I'd probably be blocked again 🙄

Makes me think they'd be too shy to talk to their daughters about thrush and breast cancer too. Wouldn't want to encourage them to touch their own breasts to make sure they're medically ok 🤦‍♀️

Anyways, I will try and approach the subject again with my husband as well as my sons doctor. And try to discuss it casually with my son as well so that he knows what's 'normal' and what's not and hope he can also express some interest in having it looked at as well.

He should be able to retract it by now. When he was younger did you ever try to retract it at bath time to clean? If not that is the problem mothers today are told by most doctors to leave it which in my opinion is wrong I had four boys and the first two I started genital retraction at about 6 months old every bath time by 4 years old they were fully retractable. The younger two when the policy changed and I did not retract ended up having to have medical intervention when they were in there teens. I regret listening to the new advice it would have saved them the embarrassment and pain.

No. I did as was told and didn't retract it to clean. Now angry with myself for not doing what I felt was the right thing to do.

Don't be angry with yourself. The guidance changed for good reason - pulling the foreskin more than it wants to go very often leads to scarring, which then leads to a genuinely non-retracting foreskin.

Some boys just naturally have a tight foreskin. Other times there's a condition called BXO which I think is just a skin condition (linked to eczema).

20 years ago we were told not to touch our babies' penises, it was made very clear.

You teach them from an early age to wash their foreskin, I find it odd that your questioning it now at 11

And not every kid has a dad

There is nothing wrong with gentle retraction you just take it till it starts to stretch then stop at bath time every day over a long period can take years before it is fully retractable. What FallOutPloy above is talking about is forced retraction which is definitely not the write thing to do it should never hurt the baby and I think most Mothers with common sense would know that or at the very lest not cause the baby pain don't you think.

Good for you OP being able to have open conversations with your DS.

To all those horrified you see your son naked at 11 would be disgusted in my house.

DH and both DS wander from bathroom to bedrooms naked. It's not an issue as to be honest I don't look at them really.

I don't sit in the bathroom with oldest DS but we don't hide away.

We are quite open as a family and I've had discussions with oldest DS about washing himself correctly and hygiene.

I'm as capable as discussing hygiene as my DH is. Not everyone has a father figure as someone said previously.

DH works away and my DS is more open with me more so because I'm around more. We've discussed sex (at an age appropriate level), sex texting, the law, paedophile, online safety and so on.

I would hate if he felt he couldn't ask questions or discuss his thoughts.

All these people on here who are outraged that she asked her son, surely you have never had boys or have boys who are still toddlers.

It's important that a boy is able to do this.
And if they can't in good time, the foreskin is likely too tight and can be sorted easily with a strong steroid.

If they aren't able to retract the skin by a certain age (I'm pretty sure it's around the age of 8-9) they are at risk of infection.

It's a perfectly reasonable thing to ask and good parenting.

And grow up 🙄

My Dad came to chat with me in the bath when I was about 10 to advise me about what to do with my foreskin. He was circumcised himself. I didn't really know what he was talking about, and it was so weird that he had done such a parental thing that I just said 'er..OK.'

But when I was 15, I began to realise that I had a problem and, remembering the bath chat, was able to go to him and say 'I think I might need to be circumcised...' which was good. Ge asked a couple of questions, then sorted out the operation for me (I think he just asked one of his surgeon mates at the hospital where he worked to fit me in, as I don't remember going to a GP at any point.)

Anyway, it was the right move. So keep talking to your son.

No harm checking it.

Make a GP appointment so it can be looked at.

If you had concerns when he was 4 you should have gone to the doctor then.

While you're at the GP office you can mention your concerns about ADHD too.

I sympathize with you wrt your awful H.

What he's doing is abusive.

Has development might just be delayed, detachment from the glans can occur up to 12 years of age.
See info below....

Care Advice for Foreskin CareWhat You Should Know About the Foreskin:

At birth, the foreskin is attached to the head of the penis (glans). It is attached by a layer of cells.
Over time, the foreskin will separate from the head of the penis. This is a natural process and occurs over 5 to 10 years. It slowly loosens up (retracts) a little at a time.
Normal erections during childhood cause most of the change by stretching the foreskin.
If your boy has a normal urine stream, any foreskin movement is normal.
There should be no rush to achieve full retraction. This always occurs on its own by puberty.
Here is some care advice that should help.

Before Age 1 Year - How to Clean:
During the first year of life, only clean the outside of the foreskin.
Don't make any attempts at retraction.
Don't put any cotton swabs into the opening.
After Age 1 Year - How to Clean:
As the foreskin becomes able to retract on its own, cleanse beneath it. This helps to prevent infections. Exception: your child's doctor has told you not to retract the foreskin until child is older.
Wash the exposed part of the glans gently with warm water. Then, dry it.
Do not use soap or leave soapy water under the foreskin. This can cause redness and swelling.
Wipe away any whitish material (smegma) that you find there.
It can be done once per week during bathing.
Foreskin Partial Retraction - How to:
Begin gentle partial retraction at 1 to 2 years of age.
Gently pull the skin on the shaft of the penis backward towards the stomach.
This will make the foreskin open up. You will be able to see part of the glans. The glans is the tip of the penis.
Be gentle. Retraction should never cause pain or crying.
Reposition the Foreskin:
After cleansing, always pull the foreskin forward to its normal position.
Avoid Forceful Retraction:
This can cause bleeding or tears of the tissue.
It also may cause the foreskin to become stuck behind the penis head.
Retraction is too hard if it causes any pain or crying.
Teach Child to Retract (Age 6):
By age 6, teach your son to retract his own foreskin.
Teach him to clean beneath it once a week during bathing.
This will help to prevent poor hygiene and infection.
Pain Following Recent Attempt at Retraction:
The attempt to retract the foreskin has probably caused a small cut or tear. Raw surfaces are painful.
Cover the raw area with a layer of antibiotic ointment (such as Polysporin).
If you don't have one, use petroleum jelly (such as Vaseline).
Once the raw surface is protected from the air, the pain should go away. The pain should slowly improve over a few hours.
Continue twice a day until healed. This takes about 1 or 2 days.
The No-Retraction Approach to the Foreskin:
Some doctors advise that a parent should never attempt to retract the foreskin. They also say never clean under the foreskin.
They teach that only the boy himself should ever retract his foreskin. This teaching should occur after puberty or about age 12.
They teach that the foreskin will naturally retract on its own during puberty. This is usually true.
The advice against parent retraction is more common in Europe.
It is a safe option. It prevents too much or forceful retraction.
But, the gentle partial retraction for cleansing (described in this guide) is also safe.
Ask your child's doctor for his or her thoughts.
Smegma - General Information:
Smegma is the small pieces of whitish material found under the foreskin.
Smegma is made up of dead skin cells. These cells are shed from the lining of the foreskin and the penis. It becomes trapped under the foreskin.
Smegma is normal and harmless. It is not a sign of an infection. It is produced in small amounts throughout life.
Smegma can build up under the foreskin. This happens if the foreskin is not pulled back and cleaned regularly.
Smegma also can occur before the foreskin becomes retractable. It looks like small white lumps. It lies under the foreskin that is still stuck to the penis head. It can't be removed at this stage.
If it lies beyond the level of foreskin retraction, it should be left alone. Wait until normal separation exposes it. Then, gently wipe it away.
Caution. During the first year of life, do not make any attempts at foreskin retraction. Leave the smegma alone.
Call Your Doctor If:
Pain lasts more than 24 hours
Foreskin looks infected
Other foreskin problems occur
You think your child needs to be seen

You're fine OP. My elder son came to me and said he thought he needed it doing (thank goodness) and I'll be asking my 11 year old if he can pull his back as I think it's the same issue.
I think with DS older one it was hurting. I'm glad he talked to me and asked and i took him privately and it was quick and was happy to be done