Foreskin question...

[adhdforme]

Please forgive my ignorance on this topic, but when should a boys foreskin roll down so they can wash themselves? And more forward thinking - I'm worried he will become embarrassed as he gets older when it doesn't roll down for intercourse. He is 11 and I was in the bathroom with him chatting today while he has a bath and just casually asked him because I know it's not rolled down before when he was younger and it's worried me, but like anything health related if I show concern my husband rolls his eyes and says I'm making a big deal out of nothing. But my mind keeps going back to my husband's friends dad from high school (the boy obviously gossiped about his fast who had to be circumcised at the age of 40 due to issues similar to this. 😕

Kids with ASD/ ADHD are often a little behind their peers with emotional development. Hence one might be required to sit on the loo guarding against demons or buzzing about on the landing folding laundry nearby etc

My husband had issues with a tight foreskin. His mum took him to a doctor when he was young who said it was fine and just to leave it. He ended up having a circumcision in his early twenties and really struggled because of it.

I have taken my youngest to the doctors because I am worried he has the same thing - they said to wait until he is 5/6 and if it doesn’t move much by then to take him back to be seen.

Nowhere in my post did I say it should be left to mums. In fact, I specifically said we encourage boys to talk to both their parents.

However, a mum and a dad are both equally capable of talking to a son or a daughter about their bodies, puberty and general personal health. To state otherwise is to suggest that a parent's own personal embarassment or discomfort should come before the health and needs of the child.

To be fair, surely that's at least partly because your sons have never had an issue? My DH was circumcised at about 6 years old due to a medical issue - I'm sure that MIL had never really considered it until there was a problem.

Why do you have to have a penis to talk about a penis and a vagina to talk about a vagina? Ridiculous comment.

Of course either parent should
Talk to their son about it! Not to do so would be neglectful, and give the impression that bodies are shameful, which is likely to lead to further issues.

DHs foreskin doesn't roll down, but when flaccid he can fill the foreskin with water to wash the glans. The GP offered him a circumcision in his 20s but as it wasn't causing sexual distinction he declined. He has teared the foreskin occasionally though, but not painfully.

DS doesn't appear to have the same issue but the GP recommended we pull it back frequently from a young age to stretch it because we raised the issue DH has. It seems to have worked.

Why can't the boys chat to their dads that have a penis? Why's this left to the mum?

You sound like you don’t have an ounce of sense. So boys should speak to their dads and girls should speak to their mums only? Why?

My ex was also given the roll it back in the bath advice when he went to his GP in his twenties with the same issue. He said it did help a bit. (Though in his case it wasn't a complete cure). It seems a good first step before more radical solutions.

People think your strange for having an open discussion with your minor son about his body that concerns you?

How is this trolling?

If your worried Op, take him to the GP. Last thing you want is for it to become infected.

I wish my husband had parent who were this open about things. He had to have a quite traumatic circumcision in his 20’s because he absolutely could not talk about anything like this to his parents.

Hi OP, I totally get your concern.
When my DS was 7, he had surgery and needed to have a catheter fitted. It was a nurse who informed us of the trouble she had with fitting it due to the tightness of his fore skin. Her advice was to remind him to retract his foreskin whenever he was in the bath to prevent problems later on

Thank you for this. And yes this is why. He just prefers someone to be in with him. He has anxiety and if we disappear from the room downstairs he'll often call out for us to make sure we're still home and not been abducted or some nonsense.

As for the posters querying why my husband doesn't talk to him about it, it's because my husband does not have an issue with his foreskin, so it's not on his mind and thinks I'm making a big deal out of nothing. For what it's worth he's also very critical of me and it was only recently I found out I have ADHD. He thinks it's complete non-sense and that I just need to grow up and take responsibility for my life. 🤦🏼‍♀️ I am sure that my son also has ADHD and potentially ASD, but he has already learned very well to mask his symptoms when necessary. I also want to get him checked out for it but my husband refuses to accept that my son may have these issues and yells and me and it causes great arguments between us and he says I just like to make big deals out of nothing. I thought I mentioned in my original post that my husband thinks I'm overreacting and does not discuss these things with him. So I do. Because I care and because I'm concerned and want to do everything on my power to avoid my son embarrassment and heartache and feeling like a failure and being overly critical on himself in the future because I know what that's like due to having undiagnosed ADHD for 40 years.

I don't think it a weird question at all - mostly because I have a 12yo with the same issue. We have been advised that medically it isn't considered an issue until at least 15. Also that he should gently stretch it in the bath to help it separate. It is something that I discuss with him as appropriate, and he has occasionally asked me (or his Dad) to look at in the bath. I don't want him to feel embarrassed about his body, we are reasonably relaxed about nakedness in the house, talk about puberty and periods etc. openly with all the kids.

OP from research I've done, usually the next step would be steroid creams, but I doubt they would be willing to treat at this age. I would ask for a consult if you are very concerned though.

Ask the GP.

It should be retracting by now, yes. And you’re right not to ignore it.

You'd be surprised at the number of children who admit, in the classroom and away from their parents, that they don't bother washing their lower bodies and feet because, in their words, "the water drips down there anyway". It's why we still include at least a couple of lessons on personal hygiene in Y3, Y4, Y5 and Y6.

Equally, there are a significant number of them who also admit to just wetting their hair rather than washing it.

Children can be very lazy when it comes to personal hygiene. Some don't mind getting and remaining filthy.

Why are people so cruel on Mumsnet at times? Bundling on someone for no reason.

My son always had a tight foreskin (or so I thought!) and I always thought it was going to need to be circumcised. But as he got older and into puberty it clearly stopped being a problem as he's never mentioned it again and he's got a girlfriend (he's 20 now!)

It actually concerns me how anyone can find this weird. A mother should be able to talk about these things with their children, especially if there's a cause for concern.

My son was just circumcised (age 15)
He was able to come to me and tell me it was now a problem - after telling me pre lockdown it was tight and being prescribed a cream which didn't work
I think it's fine to talk (during bath or otherwise ) and I'm bloody proud my son asked me to help

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

My son who is 6 is getting circumcised next week due to very tight foreskin. We have tried the steroid creams for years and no success and now due to thickening the consultant said it is required. My husband had the same issue but never knew what was wrong and found sex painful and it got to the stage he avoided sex and avoided getting in to relationships because of it. Only went to a gp in his mid 20s and got diagnosed with phimosis. I wished his parents had talked to him as a child about it as he had a rough time because of it. Only speaking to his brothers a long time after it turns out they all have had some type of issue with theirs but not as severe as my husbands.

Fair play to you OP for raising this issue with your son. Your doing the right thing and next step is to bring him to your GP

My son is 10 and the same problem. He is being referred as it keeps getting infected because of it. I want to avoid circumcision but the doctor seemed to think it will probably have to happen. So baffled why people think this is a weird question!

I know a young Man with ASD that spent almost many years with chronic BO , turned out it was from from a very tight foreskin and he even struggled utinating . He found it impossible to clean and with puberty that just got worse and worse and every erection was hideously painful for him. He had no friends, was suicidal and it was only when he attempted suicide after failing his first year at university that the whole sorry story came out. Apparently his parents were not the sort that discussed things like that and he thought it was normal. He didn't realise other people didn't smell, and that they didn't feel pain. He had a referral very quickly and In his words, is like he's only just realised that life shouldn't hurt. He is a totally different guy now and so much happier. But all that pain could have been avoided.

I will always, ALWAYS talk openly with my kids about perfectly normal bodily functions. And yes I've told my teenage boys to wash properly, glans and all. Nobody like the smell of a cheesy unwashed groin.

I always talked to my dad about everything, ds chose to talk to me about personal matters. Doesn't matter ,does it as long as the child is comfortable to who they're speaking to?

The responses here! OP you sound like a wonderful mum and it’s fantastic you two have a relationship where you can talk about this. To everyone balking at a mum sitting with her son while he’s in a bath at that age needs to have a good look at themselves. For gods sake.

do have your son checked now as I agree it is unusual at this age for foreskin not to have retracted.