When did you have 'the talk'

[sweeetpotato]

Not so much about sex, but more about periods, changing bodies, puberty etc...

I have an almost 9 year old (starting year 4 in Sept), and I'm wondering if it might be wise to have an age appropriate chat before going back to school.

I know although it's not that common it can happen as early as 9/10 so I want to make sure she is aware but also not worry her and freak her out!

She won't be worried or freaked out if you are calm, clear and factual, and make it clear she can come to you with any questions at any time. At 9 I definitely wouldn't leave it any later

Never had the 'talk' just answered questions in an age appropriate way and embellished as necessary when older.

I suppose i mean just making sure she is fully aware of what will happen to her body, I doubt many children will just ask outright if they don't know about it.

I wouldn't want her to hear things from other kids and be worried and uninformed.

I would have the talk now if you can. My dd started at 8

On an ongoing basis, bits of info here and there, since DD was old enough to understand the words around age 3. She knows about sex, contraception, periods, tampons, sexual predators, body changes etc. Also age 9. She doesn’t see why her mates get so giggly at the mention of sex, to her it’s just a fact of life and mostly irrelevant until she’s older.

Making it into The Talk is a bit Victorian in my view…

There are some ok animated videos on youtube if you wanna show her sperm hunting for eggs.

I wouldn't make it an official "chat" - just tell her bits and pieces as you go along.
She'll notice in year 4 anyway - if only because a lot of girls start developing breasts and they move away from vests to crop tops.

Age 9. Early developer. My mum bought her the book that Emily Andre wrote on puberty etc! Turns out she LOVES the book, particularly the pages that describe doing the deed 🤦‍♀️. Anyhow it’s an age appropriate book.

I think I will buy her a book that explains everything properly about periods. So when we've had a chat I can give it her to look at when she wants to so she can fully understand it. She's a great reader, at year 6 level, so I know she would take it all in well that way.

A lot of schools cover this for RSE in year 4 - so you can get a head start now or wait until they cover it and do it in line with her school learning, answering questions then.
I would probably have the puberty chat earlier - I knew about periods when I was about 6 or 7, I think because I asked my mum what a tampon is - as in a saw one in the bathroom and was like ‘what’s this?’ I don’t think my mum had to really think about when to have ‘the chat’ because I was always asking awkward questions like ‘when do girls get boobs?’, ‘when do you get hair on your fanny?’ ‘Why do boys have willies?’ …. I was strangely fascinated by it all 😂 so I learned it all gradually. It was good to know it in advance and by the time it was something to actually deal with, like getting my period, it really wasn’t a big deal. So I definitely plan on telling my kids about things like periods early.

To be fair my eldest asked so many questions I never had to sit down and have the talk. The youngest though (who actually started at 8) didn't ask much so there was a bit of a talk. Depends on the child

I've never got this "the talk" idea. I think it makes the whole thing into, a thing, and it's not a thing... it's just part of life. My daughter is 6 and she's seen me in the loo messing with a pad and asked about it and I've told her all about periods. I've shown her my pads (clean) and told her all about the lining of the womb etc. etc. It just comes up often and my overall aim is to make it normal and talked about and to completely eradicate any need for "the talk" around anything, ever.

That's fair enough but it sounds like it still happens organically as part of a discussion? Like when you're having a chat with OH that turns into something else and you go 'shall we go upstairs and have a proper discussion?'

I don't think this is "the talk", this is just a normal follow on from an already happening convo.

I have an 8 year old going into year 4 and have been wondering the same thing especially since I started my periods in year 6!

Can anyone recommend a good book?

I think people are focusing too much on the phrase 'the talk'.

Just because other people have had these organic natural flowing conversations doesn't mean it happens that way for everyone.

I've never hidden anything from her but in turn it's never come up naturally either.

I'm not planing on sitting her down and having a serious discussion. Just a casual chat to see what she is aware of and make sure she knows and understands the basics.

I was just wondering if other people agreed this was an appropriate time.

I'm going to have a look on Amazon later, will post the link if find anything that looks good!

I have a 9 year old boy who has never shown much interest or asked anything about babies I was waiting for questions but as the haven’t come up naturally I think I need to start a conversation with him myself - any advice with boys?

I would start with body changes, body hair, how to keep clean once puberty starts etc.

Maybe ask him if school have covered anything like this, or about relationships, and see what he says.

I've no doubt my daughter knows more than I am aware of through school or friends but I just want to make sure she's fully aware and properly informed.

'It just comes up often and my overall aim is to make it normal and talked about and to completely eradicate any need for "the talk" around anything, ever.'

I think that's a great approach

Yes I think she is plenty old enough. My 9 year old knows about sex, puberty, periods. He asks a lot of questions and I have tried to answer him honestly in an age appropriate manner. He wasn't at all freaked out about anything and I would rather he heard it from me than at school.

We had a book in the house called "Our New Baby" - it was on the shelves with all the other books from them being very tiny - 2 maybe. They would take out books and ask me to read to them and sometimes it was this particular book. So they grew up knowing all about the facts of life, periods, erections the whole shebang - but beautifully presented in a loving family context.

My Mum had a bit of trouble when they asked her to read it! She got over it.

I think 9 is very late for children to be learning about periods. My GS knew all about it when he was 5 as he would talk about it. This is as it should be.

Mine was like that but then a few things started to come up. References to periods on the radio or to puberty made him ask some very basic questions. Then the school told us they were covering it in summer term of year 4 so we started to drip feed bits about body changes to just open up discussion which worked well.

Then once school covered it he got more curious. I was walking him to a friend's house and he asked how sperm gets into a woman so I ended up explaining sex to him on the walk. I was not exactly prepared but answered factually until he declared it all disgusting and changed the subject.

I did feel the need to inform the mum whose house he was going to what we'd been talking about on the way there. Sure enough he did inform his two mates that day 😂. She's a teacher at the school though and was delighted as it meant she didn't have to tell him.

Books are good to tigger questions, keep it casual so it’s a few different chats so she feels she can bring it up when she wants to.

9/10 is not young for puberty these days, so normally the school starts covering periods and other basics from 8. I am surprised your’s hasn’t. Maybe ask what their plans are.

Ds(18) knew most of the basics, including monthly cycles and periods, by the time he was 7ish, but we got a book and went through it just incase I had missed anything.

I never read the book in advance and the one thing that pathetically stumped me was a labelled drawing of a womans bits and he asked what the clitoris was for and it had no helpful child friendly description - honestly cant remember what I said 🤣.

We’ve had the chat already a few times but I’m going to get the Sophie Elkan book for her.

So they grew up knowing all about the facts of life, periods, erections the whole shebang - but beautifully presented in a loving family context.

My Mum had a bit of trouble when they asked her to read it! She got over it.

That made me laugh* @Mischance *😆 I'm picturing my mother sitting reading ''... and Daddy gets an erection'' in her Queen's voice on and a face like she's sucked a lemon.
(my mother was never big on sharing info. when i was growing up).

We too have a lovely book knocking about for casual reading. Four DDs. It's been a good strategy and promotes questions in an easy gentle way.