Does anyone else get pushed down the food chain at home or am I just a mug?

[Rockbird]

Just about sick of it now. Bought ingredients for pizzas tonight including a massive bag of mozzarella. Two daughters and one husband have made theirs, went to make mine, no cheese left. It happens with EVERYTHING. I buy yogurts I like, make sure everyone else has what they want, guess what? Books I've had since I was a child are wrecked and lost, everyone dumps their toys/clothes/crap in my bedroom. Kids are 14 and 10 and husband is 50 FFS. Totally the last straw tonight. Am thoroughly pissed off with it all. I just don't matter at all.

Been there OP. Combination of me putting myself last and selfish (then) DH and kids.

DC still need reminding eg 'there's three yoghurts so one each'. If they gobble them all up no probs, I won't buy any treat food for a while, or only stuff that I like. Helps that I can buy what I like when they're out the way at their dads!

How absolutely selfish to leave you with no dinner.

I put things that aren't you be touched in the salad drawer too !

This I’d send them out to get more

I would have taken thier pizzas and cut some from each

In lockdown I started hiding my personal chocolate and sweet stash in my sewing drawers and they've not yet been located by either teens or DH

Bag all their shit up in black bags and dump it in a garage/shed.

Years ago my very buzy friend had issues so she bagged their shit up and dumped it in the garage.....however she had a separate small bag for important shit that they needed and valued and THAT went into the boot of her car.

She kept telling them for days and days that she had NO IDEA where their things were.

They were demented trying to find their stuff.

After a sufficient time the stuff reappeared but all she would keep repeating was "best you mind your stuff and not leave a mess everywhere".

It worked....they were a bit traumatised by it all😁.

Her older sister told her that tip and I have used it to a lesser extent.

Someone keeps throwing shoes around instead of putting them in the box for that purpose?......they go mysteriously missing.

So effective.

Fight fire with 😁

Chocolate that finds its way into the salad drawer is always there when I want a piece.
It does sound as if you have three teenagers living with you OP.

Sort your bloke out first. He's the real pig here

This isn't normal. Sounds as if your husband made the pizzas with the kids - why the hell did he not make sure there was some left for you?

@Rockbird

I could have written this.

I got bought a big slab of brownie on Friday evening from a deli. So did everyone else in the house.

Already shared half of mine with dh

Got up this morning and the box is empty and still in the side board. I'm so pissed off.

Yesterday I bought myself some mozzarella balls in pesto and other little bits alongside a fresh loaf of artisan bread to go with it.

Told everyone it was mine.

Got to it for tea last night and I had three balls left and half a loaf.

I lost my shit because for some reason everyone wants what I have

Out of respect I don't eat what others in the house have bought for themselves and yet nobody gives a shit about me

I think it's just been a week of it because my nearly teen has been taking her really rude attitude out on me all week and speaking to me like shit so I've told her I am giving her no more mo et to go out with friends this week and she's having nothing from me until she can be polite for more than five minutes.

She insists on coming with us to the supermarket then spends the whole time with a face like a slapped arse and an attitude so I've also told her I'm not taking her again this week with me because she totally ruins the mood

I agree that the kids are learning from what’s being modelled. Their father is showing them very clearly that you matter least. That it’s fine to leave you no good, take your stuff etc. It’s not on at all.

If you’d been doing the pizza making with them, you’d have asked them to think about everyone and make sure they left enough cheese for another pizza. He didn’t do that, which is ridiculous. Even more so when they all know you bought all the stuff and organised it so they could have pizza.

You need to have a very clear conversation with your husband and set out very clear boundaries. And really, explicitly start teaching your children to be considerate of others - particularly those who do do much for them.

The onus was definitely on your dh to prompt the dc to share properly. I think tonight make them all some tinned tomato soup with plain white bread, and get yourself a lovely m and s meal with all the trimmings, then for pudding serve them all a plain digestive pudding, and serve yourself a lovely decadent dessert with a nice glass of wine. If any one whinges just smile.

Digestive biscuit*

You are getting a bit of a pile-on here,@Rockbird ... but would it be too far from the truth to say that you may have a 'Dear Husband Problem'? He was there, and yet did not step in when your daughters took the extra cheese. And they must have learnt from someone that your needs don't matter...

And hell would freeze over before I resorted to hiding food in my own house.

That's glossing over the problem of living with people being selfish, not dealing with it.

Not necessarily- I don’t eat treats regularly but want to take them out when I feel like them. If I left them in the normal places 1) it’s unfair telling the kids they’re just for me and 2) I’d be saying I want you to leave a few for the next few weeks-I may not feel like them or I may eat them all!! OP they are being ridiculous and you do have to tell them but I do think some of the people on this thread are being slightly ott

Thanks all. Lots to read and think about. I absolutely own it, I've always thought we were fairly strict with them but clearly not. And DH has always had a tendency to be a bit self centred.

The girls didn't mention it again but were very attentive last night, lots of cuddles and tea making. We're going out for lunch today and DH is paying...

This is awful, and I would be really hurt by this,.it's also the sort of thing that my DH would do and I'm trying to change that.

My kids are only 2 & 4 and are very fair, always making sure there is one for everyone, not eating the last biscuit etc, and this is the way things were in my house growing up - I would never have taken more than my fair share. DH did not come from that sort of home, he has 3 brothers and when it comes to food they were all greedy and selfish - there is a story about one of them coming home before the rest and eating all of the dinner their mum had prepared for the whole family! And still now at family gatherings they will tell the kids and their wives to go get their food before they do otherwise it will all get taken - so they know they do it, I don't understand why they can't just take their fair share!! A few weeks ago my DH bought a slab of cake home from somewhere, and cut it into 3 to share with the kids without even asking me if I wanted any,.I was so pissed off! I keep pointing out when he does things like this, and he doesn't always do it, but it's horrible to feel like bottom of the pile! Especially when we spend so much time thinking of the rest of the family and putting them first, it's just a real kick in the teeth isn't it.

Good to hear. You need to push with this, though, and stop the selfish behaviour and disrespect.

Let me guess OP. You are also the only person in your household who knows:

When friends/grandparents/nieces etc birthdays are
What time various extra curricular clubs/activities start
Term dates
The nuances of uniform requirements

Because you were me. My dc are much the same age as yours, and and also took me for granted. I'm also the mug veggie mum who cooks meat for the family. My "moment" was when DD ate an entire box of cherry tomatoes and all the fallafels for lunch before I'd sat down to that meal - that was my veggie food! I really lost my temper on that, and told her quite how thoughtless and selfish she was !

After 3 days of me just putting diy sandwhich stuff out every meal time the dc are a bit more engaged in planning and cooking meals. I now no longer cook meat. If the dc/dh want it, they cook it. I only buy it if they put it on the shopping list.

Both dc will be changing school in September. I have put DH as primary contact.

Yep, that's me. I went away with work for a week for the first time a few weeks ago and my phone didn't stop ringing. Needless to say I'd left everything set for them but it didn't help.