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Original poster

How old was your child when you started leaving them home alone.

49 replies

WeedGardener · 04/08/2022 13:38

DH was delayed due to a train cancellation and I had an urgent meeting I needed to leave for. I knew he was on his way back (we’d built in plenty of time so while two trains were cancelled he had managed to get a third one). I had to leave when he was 20 minutes away.

I left my 10 year old DD (very mature and sensible) and my 6 year old DS (not very mature but does listen to his sister) at home watching a film. They get on remarkably well and I can count the arguments between them in the last 3 years on one hand. DD has a phone and called and chatted to DH as he was walking back from the station (the full 20 minutes they were alone). Our neighbour was in her front garden gardening and said she’d keep an eye out.

I was talking to my sister and mentioned the nightmare with trains and she said oh you must have missed your thing did it cause any trouble. I said I’d made it and left before DH was back and she went mad calling me irresponsible. She said the youngest has to be 16 before you can leave them.

What age do you think is reasonable?

OP posts:
PutinIsAWarCriminal · 04/08/2022 13:55

There is a step mum thread on this subject, and opinions are very divided.
For me its would they be able to cope if something went wrong?
The earliest we left our dc was when eldest was 12yo responsible for their younger 10yo, but even then only for an hour max. The 12 yo would regularly be left alone.
For context we had a historical family tragedy, where 2 little boys died in a house fire they accidentally started, which makes us cautious.

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 04/08/2022 13:56

Meant to add by the way, your circumstances were absolutely fine, in that you had a neighbour looking out and dad was in telephone contact.

Cffee · 04/08/2022 13:57

No not the 6 year old.
10 year old maybe for that short time, but not in charge of a 6 year old. 10 year olds can seem as sensible as they like, they're still 10 and might panic and forget what to do in an emergency

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

10 year olds 6 year olds Families
PuttingDownRoots · 04/08/2022 14:01

I would not personally have left the 6yo.. 10yo yes. But 6yos can do daft things and 10yos are not responsible enough to stop them.

I've told my 9yo she can stay home with her sister when she's in Yr6 minimum.

Quitelikeit · 04/08/2022 14:01

I honestly think what you did was absolutely fine.

I would have done exactly the same thing

HorribleHerstory · 04/08/2022 14:02

What you did sounds fine to me.
I started leaving oldest DC on their own from around 8 for short periods, eg nipping to shop, taking the dog across the road for a wee, it got longer over time so by 10 they were ok for an hour or two, working up to year 7 age where of course they needed to be left all day.

To look after younger DC I didn’t ask that until 10-11 plus, and depended on the current sibling dynamic and age gaps. But I paid the oldest for babysitting siblings from 13 and they were then babysitting officially as paid work for other families by 14, which they still do.

HorribleHerstory · 04/08/2022 14:06

Reading what you wrote back, your sister thinks the youngest needs to be 16 before you can leave them at home in the house for twenty minutes?

as in, oldest is 20, youngest 16 before they can be left in their own home unsupervised?

does your sister have children?

NeighbourCutMyTree · 04/08/2022 14:06

12 years old.

leccybill · 04/08/2022 14:13

Mine is 12. She's super sensible (more than me, proper Saffy). She lets herself in from school for an hour before we get home. We leave her for 2 hours sometimes to go to the pub.
The dog is there too, mind.
We only started doing this since she's started high school, they grow up a lot that first year.

AintNobodyHereButUsChickens · 04/08/2022 14:13

Earlier this year when she was still 10 and had covid but I still needed to do shopping and take DS to nursery.

MrsKeats · 04/08/2022 14:15

I wouldn't have done this. I'm with your sister here.

Decidualcast · 04/08/2022 14:17

My DS is 11. I’ve only recently started leaving him at home alone for up to 1.5 hours. He has a phone and there are strict rules in place.

Isaidnoalready · 04/08/2022 14:18

About 12 ds1 has special needs but can manage happily home alone as long as he doesn't cook anything more than toast

Ds2 has worse needs and I can't see a time when I can leave him alone

RedWingBoots · 04/08/2022 14:19

OP your sister is ridiculous.

Your neighbour - who I presume is an adult - was there for 20 minutes.

Cotswoldmama · 04/08/2022 14:21

My 9 year old I would trust for a few hours, he's very sensible and walks home from school by himself. But I have a 6 year old I wouldn't trust and I wouldn't trust them together!

Notcoping90 · 04/08/2022 14:22

It depends on the DCs. I leave my DSs aged 7 and 8 for around 10/15 minutes, but are very sensible and get along brilliantly. DD is 5, has never been left and the way she is she probably won't be left alone until she's 25! I think what you did was fine.

Gr33ngr33ngr4ss · 04/08/2022 14:22

There's no legal age for leaving them. Your sister is wrong.

Figgygal · 04/08/2022 14:24

Ive started leaving my 10 year old no way would i leave my almost 6 year old with them

threescompany1984 · 04/08/2022 14:29

I think you were 100% right in your decision. You know your children.
I believe kids are not given enough responsibility these days. What could have possibly gone wrong?? I would love to hear genuine answers on this.

Think about it. She had a phone. Neighbour outside. Watching a film. With her dad on the other end of the line. You used your common sense and sounds like you have raised great kids that are responsible and mature. Well done!!!
Dont let others judge you as they are truly being ridiculous!!
I have left my kids since 10 years minding 7 year old sister. Only short periods of time (20/30 mins) but teaches them responsibility. They get on so well and never any hassle! Hi

BiscoffSundae · 04/08/2022 14:32

I wouldn’t have left the 10 year old with the 6 year old, 10 year old fine 6 year old no I wouldn’t have left them.

MajorCarolDanvers · 04/08/2022 14:38

My eldest is 14 and I am comfortable to leave him for 3-4 hours and my 10 year old for up to 30 minutes alone (longer if with the 14 year old).

It really does depend on the child though, they are all different and depends on how sensible they are, whether they know what to do if something goes wrong, if siblings - do they fight.

Drywhitefruitycidergin · 04/08/2022 14:41

10 when I started leaving her.
I haven't and wouldn't leave her 7 year old sister with her because 7 year old is difficult at times & it's not fair to burden dd1 with that.
However from what you've said about yours it seems fine for them & that's why there isn't a strict rule because it allows parents to make good decisions for their circumstances.

superram · 04/08/2022 14:46

We left ours at 12 and 9 in the day. Just gone 10 and 13 and we left them in the evening until 11 last week. We were about 15 minutes away, they had phones and we have great neighbours. I would have done the same.

Bluetrews25 · 04/08/2022 14:54

My DCs had to get themselves to and from high school, so if they were sensible enough for an hour on the bus solo they were sensible enough to be home alone for an hour or two which has far less likelihood of mishap IMHO. We built it up from top year primary.
Interesting if you cannot leave them alone until 16, then they are suddenly overnight old enough to be left at home alone for an hour, marry and have sex?!

LilacSky95 · 04/08/2022 14:58

My 12 year old can be trusted to be left for an hour or so, but I'd never leave him responsible for any of his younger siblings (8,6 and 3).

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