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Original poster

How old was your child when you started leaving them home alone.

49 replies

WeedGardener · 04/08/2022 13:38

DH was delayed due to a train cancellation and I had an urgent meeting I needed to leave for. I knew he was on his way back (we’d built in plenty of time so while two trains were cancelled he had managed to get a third one). I had to leave when he was 20 minutes away.

I left my 10 year old DD (very mature and sensible) and my 6 year old DS (not very mature but does listen to his sister) at home watching a film. They get on remarkably well and I can count the arguments between them in the last 3 years on one hand. DD has a phone and called and chatted to DH as he was walking back from the station (the full 20 minutes they were alone). Our neighbour was in her front garden gardening and said she’d keep an eye out.

I was talking to my sister and mentioned the nightmare with trains and she said oh you must have missed your thing did it cause any trouble. I said I’d made it and left before DH was back and she went mad calling me irresponsible. She said the youngest has to be 16 before you can leave them.

What age do you think is reasonable?

OP posts:

BiddyPop · 04/08/2022 14:59

At 10 DD would ask to stay at home for the few minutes I would run to local shop and we started working on her walking home from school at that age too (we took it in stages, from conversations about it over dinner and what to do in various scenarios, to her walking to the corner and waiting for me to drive out from school and me then waiting around the next corner into the estate until she got off the road, up to her fully walking home alone from school - over the space of about 4 months).

She was coming home alone after school aged 11 2 afternoons a week at 4pm, and I got in at 6pm. And that increased to 5 afternoons a week in Y6, when she was 11.5.

But we still had someone in to keep her company in the evenings if we went out until she was 14 (and Covid put paid to it then) - at 16 she is happy to stay home alone until late evening but we are not yet contemplating overnights alone.

ginsparkles · 04/08/2022 15:06

I have just started to leave my DD alone for a short time, she's 10. I will now leave her alone while I go on a 20 minute dog walk. We both have our phones, and she knows the route I take.

Babdoc · 04/08/2022 15:15

The nanny left to train as a midwife when my DDs were 8 and 9, so they walked home alone from the village primary and got themselves a cold drink and a biscuit, then played or watched tv until I got home from work about 1 to 2 hours later.
They were both very sensible and intelligent. As I was widowed when they were babies, we were used to functioning as a single parent family and they were very independent from the start.
I had flu when DD1 was 4 years old, and she took herself across the road and 200 yards away to the village shop to buy milk on her own.
When they started uni, they laughingly said they had to teach their fellow freshers how to use a washing machine and cook!

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Squashedraddish · 04/08/2022 15:15

I have a 9 (almost 10) yo and a 6yo. I have left them to take the dog to the park across the road (I can see house). I keep in phone contact and it’s 20 min max. What you did was fine, neighbour was there, dad was on phone- I can’t see the problem.

amicissimma · 04/08/2022 15:34

I think what you did was fine.

I read how parents give children the message that they're not capable of coping alone for a few minutes from about 7 and am not surprised at all people on MN suffering from anxiety as adults.

ohblowmedown · 04/08/2022 15:35

I'd have done the same as you in those circumstances. I can't remember when I started leaving mine alone though!

HackettGreen · 04/08/2022 15:38

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the user's request.

Original poster

WeedGardener · 04/08/2022 17:45

My sister doesn’t have children and felt 16 is the minimum age to be left home without adult supervision. Which I felt was ridiculous.

My main worry was DS is too young, but he does listen to his sister and hero worships her so if she said no she is more likely to listen to her than us!

It won’t be a regular thing but I was surprised at my sisters strength of feeling!

OP posts:

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 04/08/2022 18:53

My colleague used to leave a 3yo, 5yo and 11yo home alone all day whilst she went to work. I would leave my 9yo for 20 mins

redskyatnight · 04/08/2022 19:01

Would leave a 9 year old for up to an hour, gradually building up to longer times.

So I'd happily have left the 10 year old, but 6 is too young.

RightOnTheEdge · 04/08/2022 19:06

I think it was fine OP.
Your sister is absolutely bonkers to say the youngest shouldn't be left alone until they are 16 😂

Disneygirl37 · 04/08/2022 19:08

My ds is 11 and I leave him for an hour or two if I need to work, walk the dog or go shopping. I've been doing this for around a year, I gradually built up the time though.
He has strict rules about what he can and can't do while I'm out.

Disneygirl37 · 04/08/2022 19:10

I think it's fine what you did, especially as your neighbour was there if there was a problem.
My ds knows which neighbours he can go to if he needs anything and he has a phone to call me.

Hollyhead · 04/08/2022 19:14

I’ve been leaving my oldest since he was about 8.5, only for 5 mins at first but he’s 10.5 now and I leave him for up to 1.5 hours. We’ll probably keep it at this level for another year when it will creep up to 2-3 hours etc.

Sprogonthetyne · 04/08/2022 19:16

I'd say a 6 year old is to young, and to much of a responsibility to leave a 10 year old. As you had a neighbour willing to keep an eye I would have sent the DC to play in the garden, in neighbours line of sight. If neighbour wasn't OK with that I'd either miss the appointment or take them with me.

Natsku · 04/08/2022 19:29

Your situation was fine, your DD was on the phone to her dad the whole time, you had a neighbour looking out, and your children get on and don't fight.

I had to leave DD home alone at 6 years old, her school finished before my work finished and after school care did not exist for her age group (fell into a weird gap, a year older and she could have gone to after school club) so she'd end up being home alone 30-60 minutes twice a week. From 7 years old is normal in my country, local paper had an article on it recently, giving advice from an expert on how to approach letting children stay home alone and how young is ok - under school age (under 6) is not ok, but from school age it is good to practice being home alone and can be a very positive experience for a child, so long as they are not scared to be alone. If your child is scared to stay home alone then they must not be left, no matter what age.

Felixsmama · 04/08/2022 19:32

I've left my 9 year old to go food shopping she hates it anyway took 1 hour . Very sensible knows what to do in an emergency and has a phone to call me. Came home and she was sat on the sofa eating a ham sandwich she was very pleased with herself and feeling very grown up

Fundays12 · 28/11/2022 20:09

I have a 6 year old and 10 (nearly 11 year old). No way would I leave my 10 year old in charge of the 6 year old. I would leave the 10 year old for a few minutes with his phone to call me. I would put the 6 year old to the neighbour though or not gone. 6 is just to young in my view.

HelenHywater · 28/11/2022 20:19

I left my 10 year old for the first time last week - for an hour while I went to a yoga class.

I only left her alone with my 14 yo ds a couple of months ago. I didn't leave them any younger and certainly not 6. It's too young for an older sibling to be in charge and responsible. I don't think a 10 year old is old enough to be in charge of any sibling tbh.

Msgrieves · 28/11/2022 20:23

Honestly can't remember, it was really gradual. Youngest was 5 when we moved here, so obviously I took him everywhere for a few years. I think what you did was fine, they could have obviously gone to neighbour if anything bizarre happened and eldest was talking dad.

I think youngest was about 7 for me just popping to the shop or my sisters (10,13 siblings). Youngest had to start getting 2 buses to school at 11 so it was important to build independence. I can't recall anything terrible happening, playing out didn't go so well, some absolute twatty kids round here.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 28/11/2022 20:27

I don't think I'd have left my 6yo. But they were being 'watched' so I think that was ok.

My 8yo gets left from 7.55 until 8.10 3 mornings a week now I'm back in the office. But his nan lives across the (extremely quiet) road

And we leave both 11yo and 8yo together if we need to go to the supermarket or call somewhere for about half an hour. But it doesn't happen often.

ticktickticktickBOOM · 28/11/2022 20:31

16! Blimey I got my own flat at 16

Mummystevo · 29/11/2022 18:25

I was babysitting at 12 year old, a long time ago but I still done it 😂

CeratopsofthePharoahs · 29/11/2022 18:56

Mine are 11 and 8. I can rely on the 11 year old to survive for a few hours by himself, he'd just play games on the computer. With the 8 year old I can leave him if I'm not going to be out very long, usually taking the older one somewhere or picking him up.
What I can't do is leave them both together for more than about two minutes because they are quite good at antagonising each other and if I'm not there to diffuse the situation then who knows.....
I think what you did was quite sensible, op. Your daughter knew she had adult help available.

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