Can you find out if someone works at a school and request they don't work with your child??

[User6362727476]

Please no reposts

hear my out please.

Ds is nearly 12 and starting secondary in September 8 miles away.

I am in my early thirties and despite living locally, I have never met my bio dad. He's never been interested. He has kids with wife locally. I got in contact a few years ago and he said that he had to speak to his wife then got back to me weeks later saying that she doesn't want me to meet you as it will upset their kids - who were late teens at the time. Unless he was just using that as an excuse.

it's not her fault, it's his but equally she sounds like a nightmare too. I have an older half sister by him too, I am in contact with her and she did have some contact with him throughout her childhood and said his wife eventually stopped her from seeing him too.

anyway, I am concerned that his wife works at the school. I'm not sure exactly, but something I read on a Facebook group for parents has made me think shit, she might have a job there.

pretty sure she isn't a teacher, perhaps a teaching assistant or kitchen staff. But DS has a disability so naturally he's going to be working closely with some of the TA's.

I am starting to panic thinking shit I should have sent him to the other school in the area.

but how was I meant to to know this??

primaru schools tend to have a staff list on their website, secondary schools do not.

of course, DS wouldn't know who she is but j categorically would not want her working with him. It doesn't sit right with me.

she may not put the link together. I took my mums name as a baby, DS also has my surname. It's quite an unusual surname. And also when I messaged him a few years ago (and got rejected) I mentioned my sons first name so it would be obvious.

would anyone else not want this to happen either?

I am not being extreme am I?

would a school mind if I emailed them to confirm if someone works there or not? And if she does say he cannot work with her.

I believe I would feel differently if my son didn't have sen. It's just if she's a Ta, there's possibility of close contact.

I just feel so upset at the thought of this.

Some schools may meet your request

I had a friend several years ago who's DH had an affair with a woman who happened to be a TA in the school her children attended. She met with the head and stated she did not want this woman working with her children as it was a difficult situation and she did not want her children being emotionally impacted (oldest was aware).
School were supportive and TA was never placed in classes her children were in.

How can she suggest a safegaurding issue over a person she's never met, may have the same name as the person she's never met and even if it is the right person only has her father that she disent knows word for it that the woman didnt want her children to be aware of dad's past. How can you suggest she attempts to ruin someone's career?

That's a completely different situation

Op, I get that you're feeling stressed about your life being shared in a way that you can't control.

In your shoes I wouldn't go all guns blazing but I've been in a vaguely similar situation and I found it helped to arrange an appointment and calmly talk through the situation so they can be aware. You can't dictate this person has nothing to do with your child because that may not be possible depending on her role, but in my experience, if they know of a potential conflict of interest they do their best to mitigate it, and talking to staff might help you feel a bit less bulldozered if you see what I mean. Remaining calm and reasonable about what is possible here but I understand the anxiety this will have caused.

If she is good with my child, quite honestly she could have dragged my husband and I’d forgive her.

just see how it goes op

but dont mark yourself out as utterly unhinged before your child has even started

Dragged should read shagged

Bollox

any teacher that would have “safeguarding” measures imposed would not be teaching

If you contact a school demanding someone has no contact with a child it triggers safegaurding concerns they investigate while it's happening the staff member shouldn't work and the rumours start. That's totally unfair to drag the poor woman through the coals because of who she set up home with. The op dosent even know if she was in fact the one to object in the first place....who knows she may not know how many children he had before they met and he could be ducking it.

Exactly - the PP with her nonsense about safeguarding measure being put in place to protect a pupil against a teacher is total BS

This situation couldn't possibly raise safeguarding concerns about the staff member. Op's concerns that she may gossip about her son will be treated for the nonsense it is (sorry, op).

I quite understand how anxious you feel, but I'm afraid I think that it's very unlikely that the school would be able to promise anything.

I would love to agree with those who've said that she won't talk to her husband. Of course school staff are told not to take information like this out of school, but I know perfectly well (sadly) that some TAs do and have. It's almost impossible to know that it's happened when it comes to a spouse though, so they can't be pulled up on it.

Do you know anyone else who works at the school or who has a child there who'd know if this person is there? There's no point contacting the school if it turns out that the FB information isn't accurate.