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Original poster

Age to leave child?

36 replies

BiscoffSundae · 03/08/2022 22:19

Dd 11 has asd and will be home ed from September, however I still have other younger children to take to school, is it acceptable for me to leave dd at home in the morning to take them? School is only 10 mins walk away, dd will just in her room she never opens the door and has a phone incase of emergencies. I’ve looked into leaving children home alone and there seems to be no rules on the age and that also applies to children with Sen the rules are the same as in no rules. (the reason why I ask is her school previously called ss on me for leaving her home alone once whilst I took my other kids to school but that was a year ago now and she is no longer at the school) so I just want to know if this is acceptable and that ss would not be interested in this? It’s would only be the mornings.

OP posts:
gogohmm · 03/08/2022 22:30

Asd is a spectrum so we can't tell you if it's ok. Even for neurotypical children not all are responsible at 11. I left my autistic dd occasionally but she attended mainstream school, I would not home educate her (she wanted to) because she was too defiant

Original poster
BiscoffSundae · 03/08/2022 23:12

I guess I’m more just wondering on the laws about it? There are “no laws” and only a problem if something happens the parent can be charged but nothing happened so not sure why they reported 🤔 who gets to decide the age then, the school or me ?! Surely she will get to an age where it’s ok and it’s up to the parent to decide that age or so I thought.

OP posts:
BogRollBOGOF · 04/08/2022 00:05

The law is about leaving children with a high level of risk. That varies from child to child.

I view it as children being comfortable and having the skills to be left: make a phone call, manage the locks, call for appropriate help, behave safely.

My DS11 has been happy to be left for limited periods where I'm very local for a year and been building up. He also has ASD but at a high level of function and tends to be risk averse and for him, being at home is preferable to being lugged out for additional transitions/ sensory input. He's now at the age where childcare isn't a thing. For him, I'm happy to be local and between meals. He's not happy to prepare food beyond instant snacks so that's a threshold.

NT DS(9) will have to walk the 300m to/ from school from September as DS1 is not ready to bus/ walk yet. DS2 has built his skills sensibly, it's a short/ safe route and getting DS1 to school is the higher logistical priority.

Different children mature at different rates

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

11 year olds Families General education SEN
Carrieonmywaywardsun · 04/08/2022 00:11

I would not leave an 11 year old at home alone, ND or NT.

knackeredagain · 04/08/2022 00:21

Is she 11 as in starting year 7 age? Most kids are allowed to walk to school themselves at that age, which is arguably more risky than staying home when you factor in traffic, strangers etc.
In terms of the ASD, it very much depends on your child. Would they be able to call for help? Are they aware of danger and able to assess risk, or are they likely to decide to cook sausages and wander off? If you gave them instructions like ‘don’t answer the door’, would they remember if the doorbell rang and so what they had been told? That kind of thing really.
I would have been happy to leave my ASD child at 11 but another child might not be safe. That’s why there’s no hard and fast rule.

Original poster
BiscoffSundae · 04/08/2022 00:32

Yes she would never attempt to cook and doesn’t answer the door she has a phone and knows the emergency numbers and also has mine. She would stay in her room on her iPad. She has finished year 6. She doesn’t like the walk and would prefer to stay at home, if she comes she insists we get the bus which can take much longer whereas I can walk there in 10 mins

OP posts:
Hollyhead · 04/08/2022 00:36

I’ve been leaving my 10.5 year old for 1-2 hours this holiday. We started last summer with shorter bursts and have built up. He’s been fine, and is very sensible.

Dinoteeth · 04/08/2022 00:59

There is no law because children don't suddenly grow up over night. Immature 10 yo into a responsible 11 yo.

I also think there is a difference between leaving an 11 yo for an hour or so in daytime/ early evening and leaving them all day or leaving them late at night.

So basically only you can decide in what's safe for your 11 yo and the time you are proposing to leave them.

But it's also difficult to get afterschool care for secondary aged kids so there must be an acceptance that 11 is OK to be home alone.

Howmanysleepsnow · 04/08/2022 01:06

At 11 most kids round here walk 30 minutes each way to school and I imagine 20 minutes in their own home with a phone is safer.
From y5 (so age 9-10) our school lets them walk home alone. With that in mind I don’t see a problem for an average, sensible 11yo but you mention DD has ASD. Only you know if that affects her ability to manage at home alone.

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 04/08/2022 07:44

I’m an ex secondary teacher and apart from a couple of ND students I wouldn’t have batted an eye lid at yr 7s been in the house by themselves for 30 mins. Can your daughter manage if electricity or fire alarm goes off or there is a knock on the door?

RightsHoardingRaptor · 04/08/2022 07:53

I have an 11 year old who I have been leaving alone for an hour to walk the dog for a few months now. I check on her on the dog camera and WhatsApp. She never opens the door, is happy to play on her phone. We live at the very end of a dead end with no passing walkers or cars and anyone down the road with no good reason is always plastered on the street WhatsApp so it doesn't feel too risky.

Original poster
BiscoffSundae · 04/08/2022 10:46

Yeh she would know what to do, no one ever knocks on our door this early (yes I know they might in the one time I leave her 🤷‍♀️ But It never happens otherwise) and if the door did knock she wouldn’t answer she would stay in her room. She’s happy to be left at home and obviously it’s only for 20 mins in total.

OP posts:
Igo · 04/08/2022 11:34

Dd is 11 and will be getting the bus home from school soon, we have started to leave her for short periods of time at home BUT she is very responsible and a lot more mature than some of her piers (still has daft moments)

she will be at home for around an hour nothing we can do about it I’ve just come to accept that’s what we are going to have to do! Secondary schools have no after school clubs and the local childminder isn’t taking anyone on.

in this situation I think your going to have to leave her, no one on here knows your child if you think she could manage try it, worst case she has to do the school run with you

Remmy123 · 04/08/2022 11:35

11 is absolutely fine.

11 year olds get on buses and trains to school etc..

just tell her what to do in an emergency etc and assume she has a phone

Original poster
BiscoffSundae · 04/08/2022 11:36

Thanks all I agree it’s fine I just don’t want her school reporting me again 😏 though she’s not there anymore that’s why I’m trying to work out if it’s their “business” anymore.

OP posts:
rainbowandglitter · 04/08/2022 11:39

Carrieonmywaywardsun · 04/08/2022 00:11

I would not leave an 11 year old at home alone, ND or NT.

11 year olds are at secondary school. You really wouldn't leave them at home alone for 20 minutes at that age?
Why not?

PuttingDownRoots · 04/08/2022 11:50

My DD is same age and she's been staying home for a couple of hours for a few months now while I take her sister to her sports clubs etc. I'm up to 30mins drive away. She knows the neighbours, can ring relatives if lonely and the emergency numbers.

Pixies74 · 04/08/2022 12:03

Carrieonmywaywardsun · 04/08/2022 00:11

I would not leave an 11 year old at home alone, ND or NT.

Why not? You do realise that year 7s get trains and buses to school by themselves every day...

Trivester · 04/08/2022 12:13

The simple answer is that it’s fine and legal to leave a dc until something goes wrong and then you’ll be crucified.

Practically, you need to think through the balance of possibilities. A dc with autism could be significantly safer left at home than a similarity aged NT dc, or significantly less. You’re the best judge of that.

I think for me it comes down to whether I’m making a choice between safety and what’s less hassle for me, or between appearances and what works for my dc.

alnawire · 04/08/2022 12:20

Remmy123 · 04/08/2022 11:35

11 is absolutely fine.

11 year olds get on buses and trains to school etc..

just tell her what to do in an emergency etc and assume she has a phone

Did you deliberately ignore the part about the child being autistic?

Original poster
BiscoffSundae · 04/08/2022 12:32

alnawire · 04/08/2022 12:20

Did you deliberately ignore the part about the child being autistic?

Show quote history

It’s irrelevant I’ve been told, I’ve looked into it and there are no separate rules 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
alnawire · 04/08/2022 12:39

t’s irrelevant I’ve been told, I’ve looked into it and there are no separate rules 🤷‍♀️

It's completely relevant. In fact it's the MOST relevant. It's not about the legality, the thing that should be considered is the ability and developmental stage of your child.

The comment you quoted was my reply to someone who was quite flippant about 11 year olds being fine and not considering possible developmental differences.

Original poster
BiscoffSundae · 04/08/2022 12:41

Ok well if there are separate rules then please point me in the direction of them but I’ve been told it doesn’t matter it’s still down to the child and doesn’t matter if they are ND or NT she’s going to get to an age where it is ok to be left alone so at some point I am going to need to make the decision that it’s ok.

OP posts:
alnawire · 04/08/2022 12:42

I wasn't saying there were separate rules.

I think you have made your decision anyway.

MajorCarolDanvers · 04/08/2022 12:43

The answer to this question always depends on the child. We don't know your child so only you can answer this question.

My own children are fine to leave at this age but neither has ASD so that knowledge is of no use to you at all.

You would be much better discussing this with family members who know your child well.