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Original poster

Age to leave child?

36 replies

BiscoffSundae · 03/08/2022 22:19

Dd 11 has asd and will be home ed from September, however I still have other younger children to take to school, is it acceptable for me to leave dd at home in the morning to take them? School is only 10 mins walk away, dd will just in her room she never opens the door and has a phone incase of emergencies. I’ve looked into leaving children home alone and there seems to be no rules on the age and that also applies to children with Sen the rules are the same as in no rules. (the reason why I ask is her school previously called ss on me for leaving her home alone once whilst I took my other kids to school but that was a year ago now and she is no longer at the school) so I just want to know if this is acceptable and that ss would not be interested in this? It’s would only be the mornings.

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 04/08/2022 12:46

My ASD/ADHD 11 yo is absolutely not able to be left alone. I recently had to pop to our local shop which is literally two mins away and he didn't want to come so I thought he'd be ok for 10 mins or so. I got to the top of my drive and realised I'd left my purse so went back inside only to find he'd climbed up and taken matches out of the cupboard to strike. I didn't realise he even knew they were there. The consequences could have been horrific.

Only you know your child. I most certainly could and did trust my NT elder child at the same age for short periods. She was entirely sensible. DS really isn't. I feel for you as I know how difficult this is. There are also no laws just guidelines.

MajorCarolDanvers · 04/08/2022 12:47

Your posts do seem to be more about your concerns about getting reported or breaking the law.

The important thing is do you think your child is capable of being safe and happy whilst being left alone? Only you can answer this.

Original poster
BiscoffSundae · 04/08/2022 12:47

MajorCarolDanvers · 04/08/2022 12:43

The answer to this question always depends on the child. We don't know your child so only you can answer this question.

My own children are fine to leave at this age but neither has ASD so that knowledge is of no use to you at all.

You would be much better discussing this with family members who know your child well.

They think it’s ok but they make comments like “don’t let the school know” that’s why I’m posting I’m ok with it and yes I’ve made my decision it’s more If the school have a right to get involved here now that she has left.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

11 year olds Families General education SEN
Original poster
BiscoffSundae · 04/08/2022 12:47

MajorCarolDanvers · 04/08/2022 12:47

Your posts do seem to be more about your concerns about getting reported or breaking the law.

The important thing is do you think your child is capable of being safe and happy whilst being left alone? Only you can answer this.

Yes it is I’m happy for dd to be left alone I’m trying to find out the legal side of things not sure what’s wrong with that?

OP posts:
rainbowandglitter · 04/08/2022 12:48

Op it's not about rules. There are no separate rules. You need to do a risk assessment based on your child. You need to take account of her ASD as part of this.

Dinoteeth · 04/08/2022 13:00

There is no law, because it is such a grey area and every child is different, houses are different, areas are different.

You believe she is safe to be left for x lenght of time at y time of day. That's all that matters.

Should something go wrong, would you happily stand up in court and defend your decision? That is often my rule of thumb you have to encourage and nuture independence as much as anything.

MintJulia · 04/08/2022 13:00

At that age, I find the best thing to do is consult the child.

Are they happy to be left for 20 mins, an hour, four hours? What would they do in an emergency? Who would they call? Where would they go if they had to leave the house (a fire etc), a neighbour, same side of road, other side of road, who would be in and so on.

I talk through scenarios with my DC. What to do if there is a leak, a burglary, a fire, someone frightens them etc.

My ds tells me what he is comfortable with - at 14, happy to be home for 8 hours on his own occasionally, not overnight, not more than one day at a time. Always listen to what they say.

Show your daughter you trust her. At 11 she will start to build confidence and independence.

Original poster
BiscoffSundae · 04/08/2022 15:07

Yeh she’s happy to be at home and would certainly prefer it, she has a neighbour she could knock at if she needed to but that would be unlikely, she has a phone, seeing another thread where a poster has left a 10 year old and 6 year old home alone for the same amount of time has convinced me it’s ok and if anyone has anything to say about it I will deal with that as I’m happy with my decision. Thanks all

OP posts:
Dinoteeth · 04/08/2022 15:54

I must admit I think a 10yo and 6yo are a tiny bit young.
10yo on their own maybe for a very short time.

But I don't think I'd trust a 10yo to care for a 6yo. But that's based on my 11 & 5 yos I'd come back and one of them would be in pieces.

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 04/08/2022 16:04

BiscoffSundae · 04/08/2022 10:46

Yeh she would know what to do, no one ever knocks on our door this early (yes I know they might in the one time I leave her 🤷‍♀️ But It never happens otherwise) and if the door did knock she wouldn’t answer she would stay in her room. She’s happy to be left at home and obviously it’s only for 20 mins in total.

Child protection is everyone’s business.

I will ask again, does she know what to do if the electricity goes off, the smoke alarm, the police knock on the door or you don’t return?

Original poster
BiscoffSundae · 04/08/2022 19:57

Yes she does.

seeing the other thread was pretty eye opening Dinoteeth Surprised so many would happily leave a 6 year old makes me feel over protective now!

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