Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Would you allow this for your teenage DD?

38 replies

Londono · 02/08/2022 17:59

DD, 17, is an only child and some friends of ours are coming to join us for a long weekend in our rented holiday villa. I've said she can invite a friend for the weekend to fly out but none of them are available for various reasons. Apart from a male friend of hers who she admits to fancying and the feeling seems mutual. I've met him in passing at various things over the last couple of years - village fete/parties kind of thing and he seems like a nice lad.

This is making me feel a bit weird though but I'm not sure why. Am I being old-fashioned? I can't quite put my finger on it, I almost feel like it would be better if they were an established relationship.

OP posts:
Blacknailvarnish · 02/08/2022 18:01

I’d allow it depending on the sleeping arrangements.

Original poster
Londono · 02/08/2022 18:01

There is enough space for them to have separate rooms.

OP posts:
Topgub · 02/08/2022 18:02

If you'd allow a boyfriend I dont see why not a potential one.

Blacknailvarnish · 02/08/2022 18:02

Yes then I’d definitely allow it. I wouldn’t have an issue. I’d perhaps have a word with her first regarding expectations etc

RubyandPearl · 02/08/2022 18:04

I don't think it's a bad idea necessarily but I'd share your apprehension especially if he isn't aware of her feelings towards him. Imagine if he finds out and doesn't take it well?! Good luck x

Original poster
Londono · 02/08/2022 18:04

Yes, I'd definitely have some rules about it and I'm sure she'd readily agree if I say yes!

OP posts:
Original poster
Londono · 02/08/2022 18:05

@RubyandPearl The impression I'm getting is that he'd take it very well! But he used to date a friend on the periphery of her group so there has been that complication up to now too.

OP posts:
RubyandPearl · 02/08/2022 18:06

Im sorry I've just read your post again! Totally OK in theory if the feeling definitely is mutual

XSnoe · 02/08/2022 18:08

She's 17, over the age of consent and will be an adult in less than a year. I think I'd allow it, but perhaps talk to her about not wanting any drama ruining the holiday.

Sandysandwich · 02/08/2022 18:11

Yes I'd allow it, it sounds like it would be fun

uncomfortablydumb53 · 02/08/2022 18:13

I'd allow this Particularly as there are separate bedrooms
Nice for DD to have him there

Original poster
Londono · 02/08/2022 18:14

@Sandysandwich It is a lovely area and they could explore together so I'm sure they'd have fun.

OP posts:
ThrallsWife · 02/08/2022 18:20

They're over the age of consent. Having rules of separate bedrooms etc won't matter - if they are going to have sex, they will, be it while you're asleep or behind a bush somewhere.

So then the question is, are you happy to have this person come over. If he's nice enough, go for it. And leave a few condoms around - make it clear you don't want things to happen, but would prefer it if they were safe.

Sandysandwich · 02/08/2022 18:20

Londono · 02/08/2022 18:14

@Sandysandwich It is a lovely area and they could explore together so I'm sure they'd have fun.

Also, I was in your daughters situation when I was 16, it was camping in dorset so not as glamorous but I took my 'friend who was a boy' we had a brilliant time, there was mutual attraction so it was lightly flirty but very PG as we were with family.
It also gave my parents and siblings time to get to know him as a person before he was my boyfriend and they all got on really well.
We got together a few months after the holiday and my family all really liked him.

Original poster
Londono · 02/08/2022 18:49

Are you married now, @Sandysandwich 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Londono · 02/08/2022 18:50

@ThrallsWife Absolutely - teenagers have been finding ways to be alone since even I was young!

OP posts:
feelthefear83 · 02/08/2022 18:54

I also think there's another concern which in a way could be more of an issue- the fact that she admits to fancying him, but, like all of us (especially at that age) things might change and she could very easily get the ick whilst on holiday with you all. It's probably worth her thinking about that side of things too, eg how would she manage things.

Jobsharenightmare · 02/08/2022 18:54

I wouldn't want the focus of her or my family holiday to be on the will they won't they get together stage of relationship so I'd say no. It will be a completely different vibe the two of them flirting, all that sexual tension between them even if all in private. I'm definitely old fashioned though!

Sandysandwich · 02/08/2022 18:58

Londono · 02/08/2022 18:49

Are you married now, @Sandysandwich 😂

😁 not married, but we are still together and have children (none of which were concieved on family holidays)

Original poster
Londono · 02/08/2022 18:59

I thought I'd achieved that rare thing, @feelthefear83 @Jobsharenightmare and found a unanimous response to a thread. Now you've both given me food for thought.

OP posts:
Original poster
Londono · 02/08/2022 19:00

@Sandysandwich I was joking but congratulations! I hope you still go camping every year together.

OP posts:
dworky · 02/08/2022 19:05

At 17, yes.

NuffSaidSam · 02/08/2022 19:08

At 17, yes. Unless you've got a really good tangible reason to say no. But it can't be 'ahhh my little girl is growing up and I don't like it'.

Fantina · 02/08/2022 19:15

I can understand why it feels odd - like you are pushing them together when they don’t know what they are to each other yet.

gogohmm · 02/08/2022 19:24

It's fine, at 17 we have to learn to let go