Someone wants to view my house and I don’t want them to. How do I phrase it with estate agent?

[Myhousemy]

I’m selling my house and have an open day on Saturday.

I do not want one of the viewers, Mr Smith (not real name) to view my house but how do I tell the estate agent this without getting in to too much detail? Reasons I do not want Mr Smith viewing my house:

He viewed it several weeks ago. Estate agent said he was going to make an offer but was carefully thinking about what to offer as he felt certain work needed to be done. No offer was made so I think he’s a time waster.

Mr Smith has a dd in the same class as my dd and when he viewed my house he brought his dd with him. My dd was upset at the thought of this girl in her class going in her room, seeing all her things etc. It’s obvious my dd lives here as there are school photos on the walls etc

I am confident my house will sell as we have lots of viewers lined up and house is in good area etc We have spent a lot of money on new kitchen/bathroom etc so I guess there is an element of annoyance at Mr Smith saying he “needs to work out how much to knock off asking price for renovations” - estate agents words.

should I just tell estate agent to cancel Mr Smith and if they ask just not give a reason?

Also people saying 'Mr Smith has mentioned renovations and altering his offer based on that' of course he has, its not cheeky. OP house isnt selling like hotcakes so regardless of if she loves the house or not it likely needs some work in others eye.

Also these things to an extent are personal, I HATE modern style/decor and love older styling but Im aware most other dont. I would expect many who came to view the house I live in would have visions of ripping out wall to open plan and wacking up awful flocked velvet feature walls etc... I wouldnt take it personally that they dont like my carefully curated 'vintage' look.

I also when viewing a super modern house would instantly think how much is it going to cost to rebuild all the blood walls in this awful open plan downstairs and will that cost effect me making an offer. Im not buying something at the top end of my budget if its going to cost £20k to return it to its original condition before the sellers got all DIY on it but I might make a lower offer factoring in the costs of making it right.

you benefit as a parent by including and respecting your child... sorry everything is just material possetions to you that will end up very lonely for you.

@6079SmithW - are you so clinical about everything? Do you ever not just get a feel for a house regardless of whether it’s 3sqm smaller than another?

My parents were a bit like you are coming across. They made all the decisions, we were never allowed input on where we lived or went to school or went on holiday. I live far away now.

You can do what you like but it can be a bit daft to be too fussy about who buys your house.

My first little flat had a buyer at ask price but having started the sale he lost his job and told me he could not complete.
After a while I started selling to someone else at a very reduced price and the first buyer came back and wanted to buy my flat again as he had landed a new job.
Being a decent fool I told him that I was already selling to someone else, so effectively did myself out of a tidy bit of capital gain. A sale is a sale at the end of the day.

@Plumtreebob
Some decisions I make with my head, some with my heart and some with a mixture of both. For me being "clinical" about a decision just means less anxiety. Perhaps I don't trust my own judgement? I certainly wouldn't trust the judgement of a child when committing £'000s and 20 years of repayments 😐

Once I had narrowed the potential houses down to three I ended up going with the house I liked the 'feel' of the most, but there have been lots of unforeseen problems because of the neglect of the previous owners. I'm glad my DC didn't choose the house because I wouldn't want them to feel responsible for the additional work and expense that has been incurred.

Regarding things like schools, holidays, restaurants etc. my DC always have their opinion and I do take it into consideration. My DC also have pocket money which they use freely and their own clothing budget to choose their own clothes, shoes and so on, so I don't think that I am over controlling or risking pushing them away. I make the final decision though because I am the adult. I make the decision and I am responsible for the consequences for decision.

I assume you would have wanted your parents to be more collaborative?

My parents where fantastic, until they draged us to a depressing but 'big' shit hole and our lives became a living nightmare.

Like Plumtree I moved at 16 (I chose to be homeless than live there it became that dangerous) and never went back, I dont hate my family but can not and will not go near that place and it has never been a 'home'.

All the other great selfless parenting choice they made where IRRADICATED by that one bad misguided choice - the stess, depression and eventual alcoholism that followed then effected their previously great parenting too.

We might aswell have lived in a warzone for how horrific it was but like you my mam looked at spreadsheets and map locations and future planned developments in the areas and how many bedrooms etc... rather than HOW it would effect US living there.

3 years of horrific bullying (so bad we where hospitalised several times and several people went to trial one charged with attemped murder) because of a choice we had no say in.

And even then we at least got taken to see the houses with our parents.

Yes this is one of the biggest decisions that effects your child of COURSE they should get a say (AND you should listen to it), they have to live there and it will effect their schooling, friendships and social interactions.

I get not asking a small child, under 5 they arent going to have any useful input but older children deserve to have some say in their life and if you deny and disrespect that theres a good chance you'll lose them.

You wouldn’t have benefitted, but your teenager might have. 🤷🏻‍♀️

You’re being disingenuous by implying that a child/teenager would make the decision about which house to buy. That’s just silly,

But families where everyone likes each other, tend to involve each other in significant life decisions.

Or, at least that’s certainly how it works for us.

I can’t even imagine not taking our DC on a viewing of a house we were seriously considering buying.

But clearly your situation works well for you, if not your children.

@6079SmithW - I am not saying let them choose, but you wouldn’t even take them to viewings? I would want my child to have an input on something as fundamental as where they lived, especially a teenager. They also have a different perspective and come up with things you won’t think of.

@mam0918 - that sounds dreadful, I am sorry you went through that, I was 18 when I left and luckily had somewhere to go but I can’t imagine what you went through. I am currently toying with the idea of moving somewhere new and am tying myself in knots about how the decision will effect my child’s future opportunities.

Sometimes I do think children are unduly cossetted but in this particular situation I can understand why the poster's daughter felt uncomfortable about a girl at her school visiting her bedroom. It is completely different seeing photos on the internet to people actually entering your home. We don't know the background to this situation - perhaps the visiting girl is not very pleasant. I think it is unfair to refer to refer to the OP's daughter's feelings as "silliness".

The man sounds a bit of a nightmare anyway. I can't imagine why prospective purchasers think it wise to criticise a house they are viewing. I feel sure it alienates the vendor. If there are obvious structural issues or issues that come to light following a survey, most buyers would expect some sort of price reduction but to imply that a seller's taste is not to their liking is, I feel, counter-productive.

@mam0918 I, also, am so sorry to hear your story. However I can’t help but think it has coloured your viewpoint slightly?

@RenegadeMatron @Plumtreebob My own DC are not teenagers yet. We were moving so that we were in a better catchment area for secondary school choices as DD will start Y7 in September. Having said that I don’t think that I will feel significantly different in a couple of years.

I genuinely do listen to my DC opinions, and we openly discussed why we were moving, what we thought we would miss and gain and so on. I also showed them some Rightmove photos. I think that was enough participation. @RenegadeMatron while you think I am being disingenuous implying that the teenager would make the decision, I wonder if it’s any less disingenuous to a teenager if you are taking them to a viewing but actually you’re going to make the decision anyway?
And I do understand how disruptive moving can be, it happened to me a lot as a child. I have just done everything I can to make sure that the impact on my DC is minimised (because I like them very much). 😁

Good that you know who is wandering around your home and that you are alert to encroachments on your DD's bedroom space and home life. When selling my home the EA told me I could not know the identities of the viewers due to data protection laws. You don't intend to sell to Mr Smith so it is waste of his time and the agent's - who you are paying btw - to have him back.

I always thought that anybody could turn up on open days (clearly I have no idea)

I put an offer in after 1 viewing for my first flat, then my small house and then for my current house. I did have a second look around later on to do a bit of measuring etc.
OP it's your home and you can choose who comes in or not. Good luck with the sale.