Moving back to the UK

[Angelica999]

Hi everyone

We've been living in Australia for 12 years and it's been great. Recently both my husband and I have started to feel quite homesick, maybe due to the travel bans/lockdowns and have talked about moving back to the UK.

We have a 14 year old son who is really happy here and settled, he said he would think about moving too if we were keen too, but I have told him that unless we all agree we'll stay put. My dad is 80 and in good health, but at that age, you never know how long you have, my mum died when I was young so he's been on his own. I feel guilty about that most days.

For the first time in 3 years we are flying back to the UK on Thursday for a month and I know that my husband will be keen to look at areas to live in, we used to live in rural Chester and were very happy there also before moving. We would be open to places like Bath, York, Bristol and some areas of Cheshire. He works in tech so being able to commutable to a large city would be a bonus.

My questions are....

1. Has the UK nosedived in terms of quality of living in the past few years, I hear so much negativity about the economy, crime, schools, healthcare, etc.
2. If you love where you live please tell me, I prefer the countryside with market towns, great cafes/restaurants, good community, low crime (obvs) peace and quiet and space.
3. Is 14 a bad age to move a boy to another part of the world, even though he will be around more family? He's very confident and sociable so I'm hoping he would be okay.

So many questions! Thanks for getting this far!! 😩

I would not move a child of 14 who is so happy and settled unless it was absolutely unavoidable.

We have dc that age and are staying in the country we are in because moving them at that age doesn't seem a good idea.
We will revisit once they have left home.

What senior school exams do you have in Australia? He'd be moving part way through GCSE years here, even the brightest children would struggle to catch up with the syllabus.

I'd never come back to the UK now if I had the option to be elsewhere.

Agree with others. Don’t move your son if he is happy and settled. It would be a massive upheaval and culture change for him. The UK is not a good place to live now, no. Not on any level.

Hmmm. What kind of things does your son enjoy? Are they replicable in the UK? For example, if he's mad about AFL, surfing, surf lifesaving and beach volleyball, this might be harder to adjust than if he's really into soccer (football!), computer games and athletics.

What are your reasons for wanting to move back, except for your Dad?

I would also consider things like pensions/super.

How would your son adjust to going into GCSEs in the UK when the equivalent doesn't exist in Australia (and he's potentially a year 'behind' after starting later here?)

I'm in SA but would happily live in the UK again. A couple of major things that put me off are house prices - my normal, average size house (big by UK standards) on an average block (500sqm - big by UK standards) would be worth about $600k here. Convert that to GBP and I'd be buying a very ordinary, small, 2 bed flt in a block in a not very lovely part of town in much of the south of England.

I also earn more here that I would there - even when adjusting for cost of living - how do your jobs/salaries compare?

Finally, could you afford private health insurance there? There are so many worrying stories about the NHS. I feel much more secure in Aus with Medicare and affordable extras health cover.

I think going back for a month after 3 years will tell you a lot. For me, I find Aus a great place to live, and England (and Europe) a great place to holiday. Its never an easy decision!

If you are considering moving back you'd have to work out what school year your son would be in and make sure you're not moving him part way through a GCSE or A level course of study.

At my sons school (in one of the areas you have mentioned) they pick their GCSEs in year 8 and study the syllabus in years 9-11 (3 years) although in other schools they study them in years 10-11 (2 years).

I think 14 is probably a bit too late to be moving him academically and also because he sounds very settled.

Have you looked into whether your Dad could move out to Australia to join you? Alternative would perhaps be to wait until DS leaves school and can live independently.

I just moved back to the UK after 13 years and I think it's pretty good. People have good lives and bad lives everywhere. Inflation and democratic meltdown is far from a UK specific problem and people hold their own country to a much higher standard (partly because they see the problems every day). However, having worked for a global philanthropic foundation for 10 years, it's depressing how universal the various social problems are. That said, I think 14 is a difficult age to move and I'd be reluctant to move a settled child at that age. I'd probably either wait until he's 18 and has finished school completely, or at least until he's 16 so could start A-levels from scratch. Another issue would be home vs International fees for university.

If your son spends the month here looking at what’s on offer for his interests then that will help him, and you, decide. If you wait until he finishes his education and you still want to return to the UK, would you both be happy with your son living in Australia?
Education wouldn’t be a disaster regarding GCSEs. Schools probably aren’t as flexible as they used to be but he could split GCSE exams over a couple of years ( I’ve had students do this) then take A levels so he’d be going to Uni at 19, just as if he’d had a gap year.
All the areas you’ve said are nice, lots of rural areas surrounding cities like Bath, Bristol, York.

We are moving back to the uk after 6 1/2 years away - mostly it’s not through choice, DHs fixed term contract has finished and, thanks to brexit, getting another / getting employed elsewhere has been too difficult. DD is nearing the end of primary and we thought that hanging on for a year or two would make the move harder for her, whereas going at the start of secondary seems kinder.

In the uk, we have been surprised by how hard it has been to find housing - we have been accustomed to our large 4 bed house and our money just doesn’t stretch as far as it used to. Everything (cars, furniture etc) seems expensive (except for food, but we’re used to prices here which are sky high!). Also there are stupid traps like, in order to apply for a school place you need an address, so we have been paying rent on an empty house since June so we had an address to apply, otherwise we would have had a last minute rush to get her a place at school.

as someone else said, the hard thing is finding things that DD is interested in to do - her interests here aren’t really easy to replicate in the UK and as a result she is finding the move really hard.

And at the moment it’s just the hideous logistics of it all - we fly in 6 days, we have to sell everything that didn’t fit into our container and we are currently effectively camping in our lovely home. I’m throwing away perfectly good things that I can’t find a buyer for (because when did anyone last buy a second hand sofa?) and the ripping apart of our lives is breaking my heart! I’m struggling at the moment to see the positive in our situation, so I’m not the best person to ask, but I honestly wouldn’t put myself and my family through this by choice.

bloody brexit.

Sit it out for four years until your DS will be heading to university in Australia.

By that time the full fallout of Brexit will be apparent and the UK may well consist of just England and Wales.

The housing bubble may well have burst by then too.

We’ve just been back to the UK for an extended visit after being stuck abroad for a long time. I had low expectations but I don’t think it’s as “doom and gloom” as others are making out. Despite the cost of living crisis, prices are still low compared to a lot of countries. Just watch out for lower salary.

I think if you want to permanently return to the UK then this is probably your last chance to establish it as your ds’s home before he becomes an adult. Selfishly (and hypocritically given how far I live from my own parents), this would be a big factor in wanting to come back.

Things are unstable in the UK politically, the consequences of Brexit are starting to bite, the economy is in a bad place, so many things just don't work anymore, getting a passport, a driving licence, a gp appointment. I'd not move back in your shoes.

Could your dad move to Australia under the dependent adults visa?

I think you won't regret spending more time with your dad. I moved from the UK to Aus to spend more time with family. I don't rule out going back at some point but for now it's been a reasonable move.

The UK has a lot going for it, a bit tough at the moment sure but if you don't want to be stuck in Aus when your son is an adult, I would come back. Long distance family relationships are the worst.

On mumsnet you'll only get "UK is awful" comments. Cost of living is a big issue, though that will be felt everywhere. Jobs are easy to find, housing less so, your money won't stretch as far as in Australia. House prices are hugely affected by proximity to specific schools, you'll want to check likelihood of your DS getting a place as he won't necessarily be allocated the school you want if it didn't have space, especially as you aren't joining in year 7. As others suggest, I'd move your son before GCSE (now if he's just turned 14 and check for 2 year not 3 year GCSE schools) or between GCSE and A-level at 16. If you want to move back then better to move together than after uni when he might decide to stay on and you'd be separated.

Most IT jobs are hybrid remote; it's worth searching on the specific role and industry specialism. The area inside London - Cambridge - York - Manchester - Birmingham is most likely for office hubs. London is still the hub for financial services or Brighton/ Bristol IT has more film work. It really depends what he does exactly, but it may be a factor in picking location. Long commutes aren't fun even just a day or two each week, so you may want to consider being within reach of a useful mainline rail station. There are many nice towns, it all depends what you want to be near to balance commute, walks/ beach/ cycling, etc. With your son's age consider nightlife, some little towns have very little for teens to do and he's not far from wanting to go out.

NHS and crime - again depends where exactly you live. Some NHS trusts are much better than others, crime is much worse in some areas than others. Crime issues are still largely inner city theft, so unlikely to affect you much in market towns. Stats for areas are publicly available, so do some searches to see the differences and take it into account when you choose area.

Reading is the other big tech hub, also quite a few around the Bracknell area

I think school is going to be a big issue. Some schools start the GCSE syllabus in year 9 (rising 14), and most in year10 (rising15).

If your DS is going to be 15 in the next academic year then you need to be moving here before September. Schools aren't keen on in year applications once the GCSE syllabus has started.

I do wish people would stop this lazy nonsense of ‘Mumsnet is…/Mumsnet hates’. It’s a huge site with a wide range of views. To do so is just witless. Dumbs it down even more than is ready happening.

We moved back because my Mom was widowed and alone. She was still working part time and in her mid 70's. I had planned that I would be coming back to UK for long stretches to be with her and make sure she was fine, along with my sister doing the same as she lived abroad too.
Had there been a choice of a dependent adult visa we'd have moved her to us, but where we lived they don't have that. I'd move him to you if possible
We noticed she began deteriorating quite quickly, her annual visits to us stopped as insurance cost more than flights.
So here we are she's still active living in retirement apartments in her 80's. I'm working Dd is in final year A levels Older kids are here working and settled with partners so I assume we're here for good. I miss my old life and friends.

We came to the UK with a 12 year old and a fourteen year old, from New Zealand. Do not underestimate just how difficult the transition can be for a fourteen year old. It's very difficult for them to be uprooted from friends, their hobbies, and I have to say school is a hell of a lot more intense over here, with a ridiculous amount of subjects and exams for GCSE's. The school we ended up with, is an academy comprehensive, and it was huge and yet somehow crumbling and cramped, for our kids, compared to where they came from!

Our girls went from being the top of their year and coasting, to behind, and wondering what the hell just struck them?! Having said that, their teachers were supportive and enthusiastic, we got tutoring in their weaker areas, supported their hobbies and their building up a friendship group. But it's been a rough ride. Obviously, two years of pandemic did not help that.

We have a saffie family as friends, and their eldest boy has really struggled, and ended up going back to SA as soon as he was able. The youngest has also really struggled, particularly with bullying issues.

Your son will have a much better childhood is Australia, I wouldn't move back ...

Do not love a 14 yr old. It's the start of GCSEs and it will be really disruorive to his education.

The UK is now a sh*thole. You have rise tinted spectacles.

It's expensive, the negatively gets to me every time I go back to visit.

I would definitely not consider the UK unless it's absolutely essential.

I understand the 80 yr old parent. I also live abroad with an 80 yr old back in the UK.

They get old whether you are there or not sadly nothing you can do about that.

I think you're feeling guilty as we all do from time to time

Your child has a life I'm Australia now. I honestly wouldn't be bringing a teenager back to the UK.

*move ffs. Definitely love a 14 yr old.

🤣