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Original poster

Second hand gifts for DD

51 replies

JulyDreams · 01/08/2022 20:23

I’ve recently had a newborn. Even before and after the birth, MIL has been buying second hand only gifts and items for my DD. This includes clothes. I don’t know if I’m right to be upset? Everything has been from charity shops or second hand.

We pretty much don’t get anything unless it’s from a charity shop with no tab on. Or if we do it would be the cheapest option out of a branded item or under £5.

Never ever bought it up with her as I don’t want to upset her but I really hoped she could buy her GD something nice. It’s disheartening when I try to make the effort for her birthdays and Christmas to actually buy her a present I think she would love from a shop.

Am I being totally stupid? Sad other grandchildren have had items bought for them.

OP posts:
Eek3under3 · 01/08/2022 20:50

We had this, but it was mainly stuff from charity shops that was way too big. DTs are just 2 and last year we were given piles of stuff from 18m- age 4 from PILs. Most of it has gone back to the charity shop. I buy second hand things but for me, they are also precious rainbow babies and I want to spend (my) money buying them new things!

CoverYourselfInChocolateGlory · 01/08/2022 20:54

Some people prefer second hand as it has less impact on the environment. Particularly with gifts for babies who don't know the difference. Unless she is dismissive in other ways and if the gifts are thoughtful, I think YABU.

Hotenoughtoburnasausage · 01/08/2022 20:55

The one and only item mil got ds was a rocking horse she retrieved from a skip. Literally..
It was rotten and went straight back in.
I love a good charity shop bargain but she went too far.
Yanbu to be peeved op.

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whosaidtha · 01/08/2022 20:58

It's a bit ungrateful. She's obviously putting time into hunting out stuff in charity shops. I almost exclusively buy second hand or from cheap supermarkets. Babies grow out of stuff so fast it's mostly good condition still.

Original poster
JulyDreams · 01/08/2022 21:00

Eek3under3 · 01/08/2022 20:50

We had this, but it was mainly stuff from charity shops that was way too big. DTs are just 2 and last year we were given piles of stuff from 18m- age 4 from PILs. Most of it has gone back to the charity shop. I buy second hand things but for me, they are also precious rainbow babies and I want to spend (my) money buying them new things!

Same with us- always stuff too big! I don't blame you for wanting to buy your own things, just adds to it being more special and I don't think some people understand that.

OP posts:
Anotherdayanotherdisappointment · 01/08/2022 21:00

YABU

-Baby stuff is used for such a short time, 2nd hand will still be good condition
-Environmental impact. Its good that she cares about your dc's future
-If you wanted something in particular you should have asked

Original poster
JulyDreams · 01/08/2022 21:00

whosaidtha · 01/08/2022 20:58

It's a bit ungrateful. She's obviously putting time into hunting out stuff in charity shops. I almost exclusively buy second hand or from cheap supermarkets. Babies grow out of stuff so fast it's mostly good condition still.

That's what I thought but I'm being given stuff for 18-24 months old and she's only 4 weeks old!

OP posts:
Original poster
JulyDreams · 01/08/2022 21:00

Also we have no where to store it @whosaidtha

OP posts:
Original poster
JulyDreams · 01/08/2022 21:01

Why do I keep getting the YABU? I posted this on chat unless it's been moved to AIBU?

OP posts:
redskyatnight · 01/08/2022 21:02

There is nothing wrong with 2nd hand/charity shop items, particularly for a baby who will not care and just be sick down the front of it.

However also say you wish she would buy "something nice" - if she's buying you stuff that's in poor condition or total tat, that's a bit different.

rocketfromthecrypt · 01/08/2022 21:02

There's nothing wrong (and a lot right, from an environmental point of view) with second hand. Your baby will wear stuff for a few weeks before growing out of it, it's so wasteful to get all new.

Original poster
JulyDreams · 01/08/2022 21:02

Anotherdayanotherdisappointment · 01/08/2022 21:00

YABU

-Baby stuff is used for such a short time, 2nd hand will still be good condition
-Environmental impact. Its good that she cares about your dc's future
-If you wanted something in particular you should have asked

Totally agree but we have everything for newborn, and no where to store the 18-24 month old stuff we are being given and the multiple bumper chairs we are being given by her that we already have. The thing is she doesn't ask us what we want just buys it compulsively and we are too scared to say no.

She's not thinking it DC future but more about her pocket knowing her.

OP posts:
Original poster
JulyDreams · 01/08/2022 21:03

redskyatnight · 01/08/2022 21:02

There is nothing wrong with 2nd hand/charity shop items, particularly for a baby who will not care and just be sick down the front of it.

However also say you wish she would buy "something nice" - if she's buying you stuff that's in poor condition or total tat, that's a bit different.

A lot of it is and has been worn but I can't tell her.

OP posts:
redskyatnight · 01/08/2022 21:03

JulyDreams · 01/08/2022 21:00

That's what I thought but I'm being given stuff for 18-24 months old and she's only 4 weeks old!

Show quote history

In a year or so's time you will be grateful. You tend to get loads of stuff when your baby is small, but it will have dried up in a year or more's time. Very good practice to buy stuff ahead of time when you see it.

Blueeyedgirl21 · 01/08/2022 21:06

@Eek3under3 what is with mil’s and the 13 sizes too big. I get buying a newborn 3-6 or 6-9 for the next season - although I have a dinky 8 week old that just now has started wearing her 0-3 month stuff and it’s a bit big, she has a ton of 3-6 month summer stuff people bought ‘because buying tiny is pointless they grow out of it too fast’ that she probably won’t ever wear 🙈 - but MIL has bought age 3 leggings, age 4-5 t shirts, quite a few 12-18 month things… I don’t get the thinking behind it ? Well I do, she likes the look of them and just wants to buy them for her own pleasure I think, and thinks it will be useful so I don’t have to buy dd bigger clothes , but honestly I can’t store this stuff in dd’s small room and it will end up in the loft where I’ll forget it’s there. I’ve asked her to keep it at her house and she seemed put out and asked if I didn’t like it ?! its lovely but dd is literally 9 pounds in weight right now she doesn’t need a wardrobe full of M&S age 3 summer dresses ???

OP I love Vinted and good chazza shop bargains, also dd has quite a few hand me down bits, we have got dd some jojo maman stuff in our local one and recently some teeny little vans crib shoes ! Cute ! But I’d not give it as a gift. Maybe say thanks but she has enough clothes and toys now. It is probably that Mil just sees things and buys them; without considering if they’re actually useful or not

CucumberCool · 01/08/2022 21:09

The stuff for my little is almost exclusively second hand, and so it should be imo.

Babies grow out of nearly everything within 6 months and it's really not worth getting brand new stuff. Definitely better (obviously) for the environment & pocket.

In general humanity definitely needs to have more of an open attitude to sharing and second hand goods.

Try to be grateful for the thoughtfulness of it..

Blueeyedgirl21 · 01/08/2022 21:09

@redskyatnight I sort of disagree. It has to be the right season of stuff, and how do you know what size your child will be when the clothes are appropriate for the weather etc. baby gros, vests and socks yes useful. But no point giving knitted dresses and tights when the baby will be in them in summer time. It’s just a waste

Original poster
JulyDreams · 01/08/2022 21:10

Just wish we had the place to store it @redskyatnight !

OP posts:
FictionalCharacter · 01/08/2022 21:18

If she’s just buying heaps of oversized old tat, that isn’t thoughtful buying. Especially as you have nowhere to store it even if you did want it. When you say other gc have had items bought for them, do you mean new things or that she buys loads of secondhand stuff for all her gc?

vickylou78 · 01/08/2022 21:22

I think it's really useful to buy in advance, baby's grow super quick so they'll soon be in 12-24 month stuff and you wouldn't need to buy much if you e been given lots. She probably thinks she's helping to save you money. It's sweet really.
My daughter's had lots of second hand (good condition) clothes and it's saved me an absolute fortune over the years!
But if second hand doesn't sit right with you maybe you need to have an honest talk with her about it to nip it in the bud!

WombaMaPonga · 01/08/2022 21:23

If they bought the other GC new things I'd be hurt too. Mine bought things that had very clearly been worn and were faded. I'm all for a bargain but come on, treat them equally
If she's buying all of the GC second hand then I'd let it go

ConstanceAlways · 01/08/2022 21:24

Just a warning....be very clear upfront about Christmas presents. Bargain hunters tend to buy piles of stuff and you will be drowning in crap non-age appropriate clothes AND toys come December.

00100001 · 01/08/2022 21:25

JulyDreams · 01/08/2022 21:10

Just wish we had the place to store it @redskyatnight !

There's always somewhere to store it.

I'll bet there's a whole bunch of stuff you could get rid of to make room, or shove it in a suitcase on top of a wardrobe or whatever.

00100001 · 01/08/2022 21:26

We would just store the next size up in plastic boxes at the bottom of the wardrobe.

Very handy when growth spurts occurred, it when we ran out of t-shirts or whatever, just borrowed one from the next size up.

BertieBotts · 01/08/2022 21:29

I don't mind second hand at all, but it's a bit weird if she's buying new stuff for the other GC and second hand for your DD? That almost seems like making some kind of point.

You don't have to store stuff if it's making you stressed. I've passed on things MiL has got us.