Bizarre minor injuries

[BlackAmericanoNoSugar]

I have given myself the tiniest possible burn blister, head of a pin tiny. I cut myself a piece of bread to toast and didn't notice that there was a small blob of jam on the bread board. I toasted it, took it out of the toaster with tongs and then held it to steady it while I buttered and managed to put my finger on the tiny blob of jam that had been toasted to super hot. I yelped and DH thought I had cut myself or something serious.

i wasn’t the victim here but I still laugh about it with my best friend. A group of us went on a girls weekend for my birthday. While we were getting ready to go out, we decided to have a few glasses of champagne. My best friend is the type of person where if something’s going to go wrong and someone’s going to get injured, it’s her it happens to. So she hid in the bathroom to avoid being hit by the cork… you can see where this is going… I popped the cork and it ricocheted straight off the mirror, hit the wall across from the bathroom and fired off into the bathroom, we suddenly heard an “owwww” and she walked out of the bathroom holding her face. The cork had hit her in the mouth and given her her a fat lip. She looked like she’d had Botox that’d gone wrong for the rest of the evening.

Was using a new peeler on a swede , peeled my finger , had to go to minor injuries at the hospital to get the bleeding to stop.
My friend broke her toe last month , in bed whilst asleep.

How was your jaw unlocked (if you can bare to tell)?

I've knocked myself out on my own car door.

Three times.

Walking across an empty car park I tripped over the 1/2 inch high remains of a post(it had been sprayed bright yellow to stand out but I still did not see it!). Cut my elbow open but somehow did not damage my coat.

Mind you I was following the family tradition of finding everything available to bump into, fall over, trip on or fall down, dm once broke her foot falling down some steps into a bar in Dublin while sober😂

Very nearly broke my big toe by dropping a plate on it. Plate fell out the cupboard and I automatically stuck my foot out so it wouldn’t smash, except it was falling straight down and the rim smacked into the knuckle. Actually broke the same toe a few years later, I’m diabetic and collapsed with low blood sugar in my bathroom. The door was ajar and as I went down my toe got caught underneath it. It was the pain from the toe that brought me round again.

Bruised my cheek by closing a cupboard door on it.

Another one, gave myself a black eye when I dropped my keys, bent down to pick them up forgetting the car door was open...

I sneezed and slipped a disc in my back. The most old-person injury ever.

So many.
Gave myself a black eye and swollen nose by dropping a cam of hairspray on my face. It was the middle of the night and I had indigestion. Didn't put my specs on and grabbed at the bottle of gaviscon, not noticing the hairspray precariously balanced on the same shelf.

Walked into a doorframe and broke my toe.

Walked into a wall at the zoo (nocturnal house).

Fallen upstairs countless times.

Fallen downstairs ditto.

Fell over into a Holly Bush after climbing over a stile.

Nearly fell down a ravine as missed my footing on a path.

Stabbed myself in the nipple with my thumbnail trying to take off my bra.

Smashed up my knees slipping in concrete.

I could go on..
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Dropped a knife and it cut the top of my foot (had ballet pumps on), ran upstairs to get a plaster and stood on a nail with the other foot! This was the same day I cut my forehead with a saw. Diy and I do not mix!

Punched myself in the face. My arm had gone to sleep and I reached up to turn my alarm off. It was a stretch and then I relaxed. My hand fell back at speed...

I was waiting(flip flops,it's summer)in a queue for a cash machine when the man in front of me suddenly stepped back and crunched my big toe with his work boots. The pain was horrendous and it ended up infected with gunk oozing out. Off to the drs for antibiotics which cleared it but left the top third of my nail, diagonally,not joined to my toe. About two weeks later I dropped a large frozen gammon on the other big toe. Same thing,infection, antibiotics and the top third of that toenail isn't joined to the toe either. At least they match.

I gave myself a major bad back flare up about a month ago by putting on underpants.

Previously picking up shampoo in the shower has done it and once I dared to put lotion on my right foot and couldn't get to work for 3 months.

DH once split his lip by spilling wine on the bed, decided to dry it with my hairdryer, decided the diffuser wasn't helping so wrenched it off and smacked himself in the face. I wet myself laughing but luckily didn't put my back out.

I got up from being sat cross legged on the floor. My leg was numb with pins and needles so I sat back on the floor and managed to break a bone in my knee with my sheer weight. I wasn't able to lower myself to the ground with my numb leg so I just kind of tumbled on myself.

I'm not that heavy, either..

In the first 2 weeks after passing my driving test, my right foot went swollen and ridiculously bruised/purple as it was not used to the repetitive motion of the pedals and being pointed up for long periods 😂

These are brilliant. I used to work in A&E. Some of you are what we call frequent flyers. 😂

I was walking in town a few years ago with a friend and our children and I tripped over the tape plastic thing that holds a bale of briquettes together, flew down onto two knees was in agony but mortified as town packed. I wanted to cry and hide but just got up as if nothing happened. Also have cut myself a few times with those foil tablet packaging.

Me as a teen, my little brother was flicking me with a tea towel in my face. I was eating at the time and putting my hand up as a defense. Next thing, his face dropped and looked absolutely white. When defending my face, I had stabbed the fork (in my hand!) right on the bridge of my nose and it was bleeding! Luckily it wasn't my eye, but he never flicked me again!

Just thought of another one . Whilst suffering with a bout of flu , dragged myself to the kitchen for a glass of water . Came over dizzy , fainted and fell to the floor . Must have hit my forehead on something as I went down as now have a permanent ( little ) dent in my head .
Thankfully the glass didn't break as that could have been much worse.

I've fainted whilst sat on the toilet before when unwell.

We were parked at a NT garden, and the car park was covered with large gravel. I went back to the car to get a jacket, turned round to slam the door, and my foot went out from under me. Sprained and cracked my ankle. (The hospital said it was a sprain, then reviewed my x rays and called me back the next day to plaster it)

2 cat-related injuries.

First cat. Woke me up in the wee hours wanting to be let out. As I headed downstairs, she did the cat thing of stopping dead on the stairs. So I stepped over her to avoid that step..... and also managed to avoid the next step so fell down the stairs and wrenched my knee. In fairness, those stairs were weird - much lower steps than normal so we were always falling up or down them. I was on crutches for a few weeks and everybody at work refused to believe that (A) I was sober and (B) it was really due to stepping over a cat.

Next cat. She was sulking on the stairs (again with the stairs) so I stuck my head through the banister and, in my best Harry Hill, went "Why so sad little cat?". She didn't think much of my impersonation so went like a martial arts movie and did a blurred swipety-swipes with her front paws leaving me with scrawl marks across my nose and cheeks.

At work. I was sitting at a bank of test computers with a colleague. It was dull work testing system start ups and my colleague was complaining how bored she was. I cheerfully declaimed "What? With aaaaaalll these lovely computers?" but gestured with my arms a bit too much, clouted one of the screens and pulled it down onto my head. I had a lovely lump on my forehead for my troubles. Cheered up my colleague no end mind you.

At home. I shared a flat with someone who had a bit of a hoarder tendency. We had just moved from our grotty old flat and I was delighted that we could abandon his "Treasure Trove" of ancient and long-dead computers he'd "saved" from the skip at his place of work. I made him swear he wouldn't go back for any of it as we had told our old landlord that he could bin the lot. I went off to bed and, while I slept, my flatmate got a bit twitchy about all his stuff being lost forever so made one last trip on a rescue mission.

I found about it the following morning when I got up for work and walked into the living room in the dark and went "CLANG!" as my foot connected with a large metal bracket used to mounting speakers or a screen on the wall. They were helpfully just lying there on the floor as sure where else would you leave them? How I didn't break a toe is anyone's guess but the nail of my small toe went black and fell off. He never did use those brackets the whole time we lived there.

@GreenBlueYellow
I am not too sure what they did, as they gave me a lot of painkillers, but the doctor put her thumbs in my mouth and I think sort of pushed my teeth down?
My friend stayed with me and said it looked like she was trying to pull my jaw off

I cut my nipple while having a shower. I caught it on an all inclusive hotel wristband.

Tripped over the flattest part of the pavement I could find and injured my head

Pulled something in my shoulder (it's dodgy for unrelated reasons) taking off my bra