Bizarre minor injuries

[BlackAmericanoNoSugar]

I have given myself the tiniest possible burn blister, head of a pin tiny. I cut myself a piece of bread to toast and didn't notice that there was a small blob of jam on the bread board. I toasted it, took it out of the toaster with tongs and then held it to steady it while I buttered and managed to put my finger on the tiny blob of jam that had been toasted to super hot. I yelped and DH thought I had cut myself or something serious.

Bed changing seems to be quite perilous. I'm still growing out a bruise under my big toenail from changing my bed last year.

I managed to hit myself on the head as a teenager ... with a rounders bat. I was aiming for the ball but my proprioception has never been that good. I didn't do any serious damage though. I've several times as child or adult tripped over a bit of curb and cut my head though!

Oh OK I forgot this. DH and I were about to DtD and in our haste to derobe, he managed to kick me in the finger. I had acrylics on at the time. He kicked it so hard my entire nail came off.

Burnt my hand on the fridge.
DCs remind me of this on a weekly basis.

I broke a rib from coughing but the triage lady said it's common. Fucking flu.

I slipped on a blueberry, fell AND managed to headbutt the concrete floor.

Visited our local garden centre and developed an itchy eye that evening. Removed my contacts but it got progressively worse over the next day and was sore and red.

Went to the opticians who said I had a foreign body in my eye and sent me to the eye injuries unit at hospital.

After having my eye numbed they removed a 1cm long plant spore from my eyeball with tweezers 🤢🤢 They thought it was likely that the suction from my contact lens had forced it into my eye 🤢

I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth. I happened to take a big breath in and sighed. Cue unimaginable pain. I had to get DC1 to help me to lay down as I couldn't move.
I happened to tell the osteopath I was seeing about my neck at the time, and he said I'd dislocated a rib (at the point where it joins the spine), but that it must have gone in again.
I still get pain in that rib every now and again.

I tore my cruciate ligament in my knee after sex!

I've literally just ripped my entire nail off.

How?

Turning the bathroom tap off with wet hands.

Hurt like fuck and there is blood all over the bathroom.

I've sprained my ankle 3 times falling down the last two stairs in my house.
I've lived here 25 years you would think I'd remember there's two more steps that bend round the corner 🤷‍♀️

@FergieFergus You win. I Fucking hate having my eyes swell up with hayfever and that's nowt compared to what you had, I feel for you.

Poured a bottle of nail varnish in my eye.

Roller skated over my own finger, breaking it.

I was a kid when the 2nd occured, but a grown woman when for the first.

Trapped my finger in a wooden Sun lounger and gave myself nerve damage and a numb hand for six months.

I was holding the apple I had been eating and the onion for our fajitas, I bit into the wrong one, and was suprised by the grossness of a suprise onion and opened my mouth too wide and dislocated my jaw.
It locked and I had to go to minor injuries.

I knew someone at school who jumped off a (low) chair and broke their ankle......

I picked up one of those large picture frames in Ikea then decided I didn't want it. Instead of placing it back like a normal person I let it slide down through my hands, the wee black metal peg things on the back sliced three of my fingers. Literally dripping blood in Ikea 😳

Almost unbelievably I did it again about a year later!

Some of these have properly made me howl

I pulled the Hettie round the corner whilst hoovering, the hoover pole flew at my face and split the skin on the bridge of my nose.

Accidentally mixed two types of cleaning products, went dizzy and fell face first into the bath and knocked myself out.

Completely my mouth whilst eating and shoved a fork up my nose.

Warming my feet in front of the firepit in autumn, a small piece of ash or something flew out and set fire to my tights (luckily I was quite drunk otherwise I would have panicked a lot more than I did!)

Fell down the stairs after trying to avoid the cat who was behaving strangely on the stairs, only to be surprised by the hamster who had apparently escaped (hence the strange cat behaviour) sitting on the step. Hamster survived the ordeal, I sprained my ankle.

I sliced my finger open by pulling the cello tape off the bottom of the lettuce. Never pulled it off from the middle of the tape since.

Hurt so bad and gave myself a really bad cut.

Shut my nipple in the car door

broke my foot falling off a chest I’d climbed onto to change a lightbulb

I tripped over the hoover and ripped off the toenail on my little toe last week. 🤢

I've got a scar on my chest from when I was a teenager. I went to visit my friend to see her new kitten, she answered the door holding the kitten and went to pass it over to me just as there was a huge crash of thunder and flash of lightning. The kitten sank its claws into me and one went really deep and has left a scar. And not even joking... the kitten was called 'Claud' 😆

DH and I went to a Hugh Jackman gig for our first anniversary. Just before Keala Settle came on stage I went to blow my nose but forgot I had stupidly long fake nails on. I accidentally stabbed the inside of my nose and spent her entire time on stage with a gushing nose bleed and trying to avoid getting it on my black and white striped trousers.

I did a high kick in a pencil skirt, which was so tight it pulled the standing leg up with it and sprained my foot when I landed on it.

Broke 2 bones in my foot when I tripped over my laundry basket!
No idea why I didn't see it!

Detached retina from being head butted by an over enthusiastic dog!