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Original poster

Babies in your late 30s.

29 replies

Dippydonky · 30/07/2022 22:02

Hi everyone,

For anyone who chose to have/not to have a child in your late 30s, what helped you decide?

I’m trying very hard to not just succumb to hormones and age related panic for a life changing decision!

OP posts:
MamaH2023 · 30/07/2022 22:04

Im not late 30s but felt like I left it later than all my friends and family. I had my DD at 32. I just met the right person. But I always said if I hadn't met him I would have got a sperm donor by 35 I reckon! I knew once I was in my 30s I'd happily do it alone. Glad I don't have to now, but definitely would have if the right person didn't come along!

AliceS1994 · 30/07/2022 22:05

I know I'll get roasted for this, but my children are my biggest blessing. If you think you can be a good parent then do it.

yikesanotherbooboo · 30/07/2022 22:08

It is much more tiring having a baby at 39 rather than 29 but it's not at all unusual.I had DC3 aged 39 and at least 1/3 of the parents in their class at school were older than me.

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Bordesleyhills · 30/07/2022 22:09

37 and will be 40 when given birth. Met husband at 35, married at 36, 1st at 37 now just 40 ... 2nd on way. Had a career , got a house etc

IrisM22 · 30/07/2022 22:10

I had my first at 36 and am 33 weeks pregnant with my second at 39. Wouldn't change a thing, there is nothing more amazing in the world than cuddling your babies:)

Hairday · 30/07/2022 22:12

Yes, it's a big decision. For me it was like, what was the alternative? In the sense of, was there something else I wanted to do with my life. There wasn't, particularly. My best friend decided no, I decided yes to kids. Her life now has a lot more money, glamour, career success and leisure time than mine does! Those are all quite shallow things though, although lovely shallow things

YourUserNameMustBeAtLeast3Characters · 30/07/2022 22:20

Do you have DC already?

I wanted children desperately, I was only later because that’s when I met DH.

Only negative impact was I was worried about having enough time to have a second DC. Instead I ended up with a too-small age gap (too small because the DC argue constantly, but that could be personalities too).

My friend had been married nearly 20 years and was 39 when she had her first and only. She just decided they’d regret not giving it a try, and they’d had plenty of time to do other fun things. He was always going to be an only child, and I think they’ve got a good balance in their lives. (No fighting siblings…)

easyday · 30/07/2022 22:21

I didn't meet my husband until I was 39. Had my first at 41 then another at 43.
I'd rather have had them a decade earlier but that's life. I'm 60 now sitting here with my 17 and just turned 19 year old, a widow, and not how I planned it but I wouldn't have this life without my kids.

Jellybean23 · 30/07/2022 22:22

I had my first at nearly 36, the second two years later. I never wanted children, then just decided that maybe it would be nice to be someone's mum. Had no problems conceiving and no health issues with the pregnancies. I've never been maternal but the minute I clapped eyes on our first baby, I was hooked.

Both babies were awful sleepers and I breastfed both. I'm quite a busy person, not one to sit around doing little so I think that helped with the avalanche of work. Being older, we had no mortgage and I was able to be a SAHM.

Supersee · 30/07/2022 22:22

Hairday · 30/07/2022 22:12

Yes, it's a big decision. For me it was like, what was the alternative? In the sense of, was there something else I wanted to do with my life. There wasn't, particularly. My best friend decided no, I decided yes to kids. Her life now has a lot more money, glamour, career success and leisure time than mine does! Those are all quite shallow things though, although lovely shallow things

Shallow to you maybe. Not to her, or others.

Original poster
Dippydonky · 31/07/2022 17:45

@easyday I’m sorry to read about your husband passing. But I’m glad you found him and had your children.

@YourUserNameMustBeAtLeast3Characters Wow that’s a long username! Nope, no DC as yet. Honestly, I’ve just been busy and not paused to think (career, travel etc.. I blinked and I’m 38!). I think I’d be a ‘one and done’ type (esp. considering my age). Similar to your friend I’ve been with DP a long long time, about 13 years (not 20 but a big enough chunk to know he’s a keeper.. most days anyway!) From my experience siblings, no matter the gap fight; 10 years between my Dad and his sister and they do, 4 years between me and my sister and we did as kids, work with someone who has twins - they fight…. Maybe it’s sorting out the ‘pecking order’ or something!

@Jellybean23 we’ve very nearly paid off our mortgage so financially not having kids until later is probably easier, however I really really enjoy my job (DP doesn’t so he would pick up more childcare than I would… although he did also say he wanted all the maternity/shared parental leave, I’ve said no!)

@Hairday I could definitely fill my life up if I didn’t have kids! How shallow I’d be would depend on perspective.. I have my shallow moments, but who doesn’t! I also have my deep moments but wouldn’t say I’m a deep person, I’m more like someone who has depth BUT most definitely has some shallow ‘suitable for paddling in’ waters too. I’d hope children would add a new selection of depths to me - from what I can see not everything about having kids is deep and meaningful (or at least I hope not! If I have a child I’ve every intention of dressing them in cute little baby outfits!!)

OP posts:
Hairday · 31/07/2022 22:35

Eh, I shouldn't have used the word shallow! I didn't mean silly or appearance focussed. Hard to explain it.

SunflowerSmith · 31/07/2022 22:55

I had mine at 38 and 40, I was adamant I didn't want kids and asked to be sterilised in my 20's then got to 34 and my Mom had breast cancer and a brain tumour which made me realise how much family meant to me and although I was still terrified of kids I found I was more scared of not having kids.

Right up until dd was born I was really worried I wouldn't take to her but from day one I adored her.

I'm 47 now and my girls have given me a new lease of life, it's so much fun being with them and because I had them later in life I don't feel like I made any sacrifices, I'd done all my wild nights out and was happily married and financially secure.

Yes they're life changing but in a good way, they've given me a purpose, without them every day would be the same, get up, work, watch TV, go to bed and repeat.

Having said all that one of my best friends decided not to have kids and she's loving her life too, I'm sure she wouldn't want my life but I wouldn't swap either.

AlwaysLatte · 31/07/2022 22:58

I had my first at 36 and second at 39, due to events that were out of my control (first partner died) and I would say go for it!

PrezelwithMarmite · 31/07/2022 23:02

I had my eldest in my early 20s.
Thought i was done as i ended up being a single parent. Met dh early 30s we ttc for 1, needed treatment ( i knew i had issues and had previously been told i wouldn't conceive without help so not unexpected) had dc2 at 34. Then out of the blue i conceived dc3 gave birth at 36. I did find it harder being that bit older. And in fact still do. But id never change it.

Reallyreallyborednow · 31/07/2022 23:07

It is much more tiring having a baby at 39 rather than 29 but it's not at all unusual.I had DC3 aged 39 and at least 1/3 of the parents in their class at school were older than me

i don’t think it is more tiring. There’s no way to compare though- how do you know you find it more tiring because of your age, rather than because it’s DC3 and you’ve already had a decade of being knackered with kids

i had my first in my 30’s and was fine. Yes lack of sleep etc but I don’t think age made any difference. You’re hardly decrepit at that age!

Hallamus · 31/07/2022 23:12

Had my first at 29, took this long to get pregnant again so am having second at 36 and have not ruled out a third at 37-9. So it has just worked out that way. So far it's not much worse at 36 than 29 but I am much better off now and living a less stressful life which maybe compensates for being a bit older (and heavier, never got all the baby weight off in all these years Sad)

Before 29 I was in less good health physically and mentally and would have found it much harder back then I think.

BlackeyedSusan · 01/08/2022 00:18

Menopause and puberty in one house...

BlackeyedSusan · 01/08/2022 00:20

Actually in one flat, in lockdown, with kid self isolating for several 14 day periods....

2boysand1princess · 01/08/2022 00:45

I had babies in my late twenties and a baby (total surprise) at 39! Baby wasn’t planned, but very very welcomed. I won’t lie though, the pregnancy was more tiring and so is looking after a newborn at that age. She is 2 years old now, and I find it a lot harder than I did with older DC. With the the older 2 it was much easier and time flew by. Still wouldn’t change a thing really as the big age gap means my older DC really are more involved and enjoy their baby sister a lot more.

SortingOffice · 01/08/2022 01:02

DH and I were together 20 years before DC. It was a choice, I wasn't remotely broody but it was now or never. Had 1 at 38 and 2nd at 40.
Best decision I ever made. It felt like a whole new life began. Of course if we'd decided not to have DC we might have been content and could not have known the joy we had missed.
They are now 24 and 26. Can
Just be aware that your DC will be at uni when you are in your 60s.

brokengoalposts · 01/08/2022 01:15

I had mine at 34 and 38, the youngest is 17 soon, I am 55. They're fabulous and I wouldn't be without them, along with dh they're the people I like to be with the most in the world. That said, I have friends and an older sister who have never had children, they have full and rewarding lives too, just different.

user1477391263 · 01/08/2022 01:21

If you really enjoy your career, you will get back into it after having a baby. It's the women who hate and resent their jobs who wind up quitting altogether.

I had one at 32 and one at 40---it was actually much easier the second time round.

AliceMcK · 01/08/2022 01:23

36, 38 & just before my 42nd birthday, all planned and all the best decisions I ever made.

mamabear715 · 01/08/2022 01:50

I had my eldest at 19 (normal in the mid-seventies!) and several more until my 'baby' (he's 21 now!) at age 45.
Wouldn't change a thing!