Birthday etiquette - Can I bring my husband with me to a child's party?

[trulyclueless]

My daughter has been invited to a party for a child whom we're not particularly close with, but I think it's a lovely gesture. It's being held at an attraction and the invite says one adult per child included, extra guests to be booked in advance. Would it be rude if I asked if my husband can come too and we'll happily pay for him? Not sure what the etiquette is with these things. Or should I just contact the attraction and book him in? Or will it look bizarre and is it mainly one parent and child at these things? Evidently I have zero clue about these things

Begin by reminding yourself that everyone feels nervous around new people and meeting someone they don’t know well. That’s okay, and it’s normal.

Decide beforehand what you need to talk and what you’ll wear so there isn’t added stress working that out. Check the route and parking.

When you arrive, hold your head up high, smile and say hello to a couple of people. If you’re not sure what to talk about, ask if they’ve been to the venue before, what they’ll do for their child’s birthday party, holidays planned, mutual friends you have.

You don’t need to become best friends with them immediately but it will boost yours and your child’s resilient to know that even when situations are hard and you’d rather not do them, they are possible and you can.

I wouldn’t. Extra guests will refer to siblings.

I was similar so I know how you feel, but I pushed myself to get to know other parents for the sake of my children, and this would be a good way to do this. It helps with their friendships in primary; here at least playdates are with children whose parents know each other.

Or send your DH.

You find your kid going to a party exciting for you personally?

@Sunnysideup no, but when they first started going I was excited for them and looked forward to seeing them having fun with their friends. Now they’re older I’m not particularly bothered and don’t have to stay. I was just making the point that some of us with older children and be massively cynical and forget that for those at an earlier stage it can be a big deal.

Op just ring and ask. It is not weird. I am a lone parent but I still invited everyone to bring their partner or spouse if they wanted to to my dc's party. People seemed to forget parties cut into precious family time together when people are working all week or some people get anxious. The couples all managed to talk to each other and single people. It's not long anyway at a party. I am very much live and let live.

Ignore @Sunnysideup , they are just trying to be a smart arse. We knew what you meant @Itsmemaggie

I can understand why you want to take DH, but as others have said it will be easier to get to know other parents if you don't take him. If this party actually specifies one adult per child on the invitation, I don't think there will be many other couples there.

If you are going to take him I would assume you contact the venue and book him in as a paying guest separately? That was certainly what we expected people to do for siblings they needed to bring at my ds last party- I didn't want the extra admin! If that's not clear from the invitation though it is worth checking with host.

Is this a child from school class where many of the other guests parents will also be class parents? If so I'd go alone and really try and make some small talk (and then retreat to looking at my phone with a coffee if it's not really working). If it's someone where you're not likely to meet many other parents there again then I wouldn't be as worried about trying to get to know them and would either take book/ look at phone or take / send DH. How well you know the birthday girls mother is probably less relevant as she'll be busy anyway. It's whether the other guests are people you want to get to know that is key.

Send your dh and you don’t have to go - win win.

Both would be weird.

Depends on the kind of attraction. I have seen some parties where really it is a big space and the kids aren't even all staying together - just running around playing in the space. For example, one was at a big water park and another at a theme park type place. In those settings, I think more parents (and even more siblings) is perfectly fine as there is space and it isn't like they are interfering with anyone or anything. Just pay for the extras and keep them away from the food!

If it is a small space or everyone is all together all the time, then I would limit extra people.

Honestly, sometimes in these situations, going by yourself is better. I have social anxiety and I do understand how terrifying it is, however when you go with someone you know you tend to just glue yourself to them and you never get to know people. And it reinforces the anxiety, so you’ll never feel less anxious about these situations. Guessing your child is v young, you’ll be invited to many of these things and imo, pushing past that anxiety is so much better than giving into it.

How old is your child? DS was invited to his first party at age 4 and both DP and I went. Most of the kids had both parents there as it was a Sunday afternoon party. A party at a venue, I don't see what the problem is with both parents going? As the invitation says tells them in advance that two adults will be attending and ask them how they would like you to pay for the additional adult. If it feels awkward with both parents being there, one of you can leave.

When your child starts school though, it is usually one adult only. I've never seen more than one parent at a P1 party and most drop and go after the first term.

Why can't your DH take her instead of you? Makes more sense, surely?

I'd take my husband and just pay for him. I wouldn't want to go by myself either

As others have said, it feels like the best solution here would be for DH to take DD to the party alone

I think Howard and Hilda were childless . . .

Both parents at a village hall party - absolutely fine. Quite common around here. At a theme park? Not sure. Feels a bit like you're trying to bolt-on some family fun to someone else's gig.

I would actually do it the other way around to you.

The children's parties which DH and I attend together are generally the ones where both of us know the hosts quite well (family friends etc.) and so we both want to see them.

If it's for a child whose parents we don't know well, then one parent only would tend to attend. It's much easier to chat to people and make friends if there's only one of you there, rather than a couple.

That said, for DC's last party, we had quite a few families where both parents attended and we didn't think anything of it.