Would you go on a hen do (night out only) if you weren’t invited to the wedding?

[Galvanisa]

Bride is having a small wedding- immediate family both sides (mum, dad, siblings) and then about 5-6 close friends acting as groomsmen/bridesmaids. Wedding is in groom’s home country so there is no evening do option that work colleagues or newer friends can be invited to.

Her bridesmaids still want to give her a hen do, but bride is worried about turn out as many of her extended social circle aren’t invited. Her reasoning is “if i invite x then I need to invite y, and then my parents will think it’s fine to want to invite a and b” and then it’s no longer a small wedding.

Bride has agreed to a hen, but has ordered that any hen night out…

• must be a night out, not a weekend away to not put pressure on people
• a dinner or activity at the start for those who may not feel up to a big night out for whatever reason, so they can leave after
• in the most convenient city for the bulk of invitees (where most of them live- the bride would actually be travelling to them)
• accessible, no hidden costs, no pressure on people to spend money or chip in for things

Invitees are childless women in twenties who like clubbing and going out and traditional hen do activities. But there is concern about people being affronted about not being invited to the wedding, and then refusing to come.

How would you feel about this?

I wouldn't be bothered, sounds like the bride is trying to consider everyone.
I don't get this thing about people being annoyed at not being invited to a wedding. It's up to the bride and groom who they invite and most weddings have limited numbers.

Yes probably. When I got married 30 years ago it was quite normal to invite work colleagues etc on your hen night who weren’t invited to the wedding.

I think it sounds great, and that the bride is being very thoughtful.

the wedding sounds good too! And perfectly reasonable not to invite anyone else, but do a fun hen night

I’d be happy to go on the hen night, given the description. It’s just a night out, not a ridiculously expensive mini break like some are.

She sounds reasonable to me - as does her plans

...I'm presuming this is a reverse

I'd be fine with that.

Nope, a bridesmaid. Bride is worried.

I'd go if I thought it would be a good time, but if I didn't fancy it for any reason I'd just say 'nah, sorry', and wouldn't really worry about her being peeved.

Yes, absolutely.

I wouldn't. A lot of talk about a wedding I'm not going to and hen activities never appealed.

must be a night out, not a weekend away to not put pressure on people

Well obviously. You're hardly going to ask people to go to Barcelona for a hen weekend and then not invite them to the wedding.

yeah i would go
its a small wedding and abroad so a lack of a wedding invite wouldnt be an issue for me

This is a totally different scenario to the bride having 100 guests to the wedding but still inviting people not invited to the wedding, to the hen

In this scenario I think it sounds fine, as long as one additional caveat added - the people attending the wedding won’t be wanging on about it all evening so there becomes a “them and us” feel

But be prepared for lots of comments that MNers are offended somehow cos that’s just MN and weddings!

You would be surprised!!!

The bride is being very reasonable, I would definitely go.

Yes I've been on similar, knew the bride for a short time but had spent quite a lot of time with her in that time (a group of us were at mother and baby groups together). We went out for dinner, baby group mums, some of her family and closer friends. Baby group mums weren't invited to the wedding but it was nice to be thought of and included.

Possibly the most thoughtful bride seen so far on MN?

I had a really small wedding and invited work friends, wider relatives, newer friends, etc to a hen party in a more convenient location for everyone. We had a great time, and as far as I know no one was offended not to be asked to the actual wedding. In fact, I suspect some secretly preferred the night out/no expensive hotels/party atmos/taxi home convenience of it to trekking to the other end of the country.

I think it’s very refreshing to hear of a bride actually considering her friends and organising something not madly expensive and time consuming.

I wouldn’t go, no. I think their wedding plans sound nice and I’d get them a gift if they’re a friend but I just wouldn’t be arsed about a hen do.

Hmmm. I wouldn’t be offended at being invited along but I probably wouldn’t want to go unless it was a group of people I would go out with anyway. The problem with hen nights out is it can be a really random mix of people and I don’t find it especially relaxing to make small talk with a friend of the bride who I may have nothing in common with. I feel less inclined to make the effort when I’m not invited to the wedding.

I think if you choose a small wedding that’s totally fair enough, and no one should be offended, but you forego the bigger hen do. Why are you so keen to throw her one if she’s reluctant? Why not do something just the bride and bridesmaids?

If I knew the context (wedding with just a handful of people) then I’d actually be MORE likely to show up for the bride at her hen do than I usually would (I tend to sit the hen do out with most of my friends… not my scene). I think she’s being very thoughtful, and I would be excited to celebrate with her in this way.

It used to be fairly standard that people went to things like work colleagues hen dos without any expectation of being invited to the wedding. I would totally go to this, but do take pp's point on board that the conversation shouldn't centre around an event that most invitees aren't going to attend!

If ppl don't want to go, they'll decline! No biggie.

A night out with friends and not having to sit through the wedding. That would actually suit me. 😬

High 5 to that bride