Anyone else who cannot ABIDE small talk ...?

[HoollyWugger]

Full disclosure, could be peri-menopause.

I'm on holiday - idyllic little fishing village, and feel that DP and I have nothing to talk about (maybe a separate issue?) because I cannot be bothered with the inane chit-chat of "Oh look another boat in today", "I think it's not as hot today", etc. My life outside of this holiday consists of work and SEN DS - neither of which I want to particularly spend my days discussing while lying on a sunlounger for the first time in three years.

It doesn't bother me particularly, but it's clearly bothering DP who is looking at me with sad puppy eyes, saying that he's worried about me, that I'm not my usual self etc.

My take on it is that I've worked and paid for this holiday - I'm not here to be entertainment; it's my holiday to just decompress and get headspace - both things I've explained to him. I literally spend the majority of the first two days sleeping - clearly my body needs recharging! And I don't have the headspace or inclination for meaningless bibble-babble.

Two single beds arent helping matters

me! I hate it too

You sound like you loathe him. It's not small talk, its normal everyday communication between a couple. Calling it meaningless bibble-babble (as if everything you choose to say is profound and important) and talking about his sad puppy dog eyes...it's not funny. It's fucking horrible.

What SEN does your child have?

I've only recently realised how much I hate small talk with people I know. I can do it professionally but I get BORED. I'm pretty sure I'm neurodiverse... its on the questionairre I've been asked to fill out

I do like chatting with my husband though. It tends to be whatever my current interest is or about the kdis though!

So bring up an interesting discussion topic

You sound utterly burnt out. Can you agree some alone time apart each morning and then maybe you can re-engage with chatting later in the day?

it does sound like it’s not him it’s you. But it is understandable. It’s not at all unreasonable for your husband to want to chat. But also not unreasonable for you to need some time alone.

I agree.

I thought you meant small talk with strangers

Yes and my partner is the worst for encouraging it then you’re stuck in situations having to chat or people. I’m a bit anti social probably but I find talking exhausting if it’s for any longer than short bursts when meeting a friend etc so I hate getting landed with people having to force small talk. I’m a teacher of young kids and I see them coming in the local supermarket quite often. It’s especially annoying when it’s someone I taught a few years ago that I’m expected to make a big fuss over how tall they’ve got etc so a ‘hi’ in the passing doesn’t suffice. I had a baby and bumped into them then too 🤦🏼‍♀️ I will duck and dive the aisles now and pretend I haven’t seen them 😂

Agree with this, sounds like you thoroughly dislike your husband, I don’t imagine his life is a bowl of cherries either I assume he has a job and also parents your children and has worked and paid for your holiday as well, you sound incredibly self centred.

I couldnt agree more with this, you sound like you hate the poor bloke.

How selfish. It's his holiday too and he just wants to interact with you.
I get you are tired, burnt out etc but it's not all about you?
Also I agree with pp that you sound very condescending, isn't it both your money that paid for the holiday and if you see his conversation as inane bibble babble then why on earth did you marry him?

and single beds can be pushed together!!!

Oh god I'm crap at it. I was minding my own business doing the front garden the other day when a really elderly man stopped for a chat. Obviously I did chat back to him but my heart sank when he started.

I get it, it is the constant need to say something which often takes the form of running commentary & stating the obvious. Just been in the moment and observing quietly is not an option.

But as you are tired and want to chill it is especially annoying. It is just another continual demand for your attention and headspace.

I sympathise

I think she's trying to say even though they have single beds he still talks to her.

Just plain nasty really.

You sound exhausted. Can you encourage him to go off and do things while you crash out? Then at least he can come back to tell you about the whales he spotted on the boat trip out of the harbour etc. Menopause rage is a real thing, too. Get some rest and then you can reconnect when you are feeling more like yourself again.

DP, so no, he doesn't particular parent my SEN child (needs etc are SEMH and CPV - if you know, you know!), tends to live a batchelor life. He hasn't paid anything towards my half of the holiday and it's 50/50 split on meals etc. I just cannot summon up interest in irrelevant conversations. Tbh I'm feeling that way towards conversations I overhear other people having - a reaction of "why the fuck does that matter?"/"who cares?!" to most things.

But I hear what you're saying - and it's not unexpected. Maybe our time is up. I should have come on my own. Maybe my own mental health is more shot to pieces than I realise.

Can you change it up start guessing the career or secret life of the people walking by, creating stories about the crew on the ship - crazy fun things so it’s not inane small talk

I genuinely can't raise the interest to do even that.

I completely understand

you need quiet

I live alone and since my dad died, spend a lot of time with mum. I don't know how he coped. He just learned to block it out, I guess.

once recently, we were walking to the shops and I said "please can you stop talking, I need quiet". She thought it meant something was was wrong. It wasn't. I'm just overloaded with talk.

it doesn't mean you don't like him, it's just you want companionable silence?

You do sound exhausted and as though he's nothing but an irritant. This holiday must be difficult for both of you.

Hate it. I enjoy a good chat with DP when we have something to talk about, but I hate inane chat, I'd rather a decent comfortable silence.

I am completely with you on this OP. Your brain just needs a rest.

I've never been much of a one for small talk, especially if I just need a break to recharge my batteries. I'm also married to someone who likes to turn even the most trivial exchange into a debate and will play Devil's advocate just for the sake of it. Ugh.

Yeah this isn’t about small talk. I don’t mind a bit of small talk with strangers/acquaintances, apart from anything else it’s one of the starting points for strangers to become friends, but I have my limits of course. You do sound completely burnt out and like you need a break with no obligation to anyone else at all, which is ok, and also not his fault.

Agreed