Anyone else who cannot ABIDE small talk ...?

[HoollyWugger]

Full disclosure, could be peri-menopause.

I'm on holiday - idyllic little fishing village, and feel that DP and I have nothing to talk about (maybe a separate issue?) because I cannot be bothered with the inane chit-chat of "Oh look another boat in today", "I think it's not as hot today", etc. My life outside of this holiday consists of work and SEN DS - neither of which I want to particularly spend my days discussing while lying on a sunlounger for the first time in three years.

It doesn't bother me particularly, but it's clearly bothering DP who is looking at me with sad puppy eyes, saying that he's worried about me, that I'm not my usual self etc.

My take on it is that I've worked and paid for this holiday - I'm not here to be entertainment; it's my holiday to just decompress and get headspace - both things I've explained to him. I literally spend the majority of the first two days sleeping - clearly my body needs recharging! And I don't have the headspace or inclination for meaningless bibble-babble.

Two single beds arent helping matters

@EmmaH2022 I'm just overloaded with talk.

I totally get this

Yes it must be frustrating for him too - absolutely. But I'm feeling the weight of an expectation to "be myself" ie cheer up, whereas this facet of me is just as much me as the more social side.

I'll know better next time - solo travel only!

Thank you for understanding. Particularly the no obligation bit - I think that hits the nail on the head.

But I get that other posters feel justified in saying it sounds like I can't stand him - but honestly, <<insert attractive man of choice->> could be on the sunlounger next to me and I think I would feel the same.

Glad it's not just me!

Yes you do sounds exhausted, plus you mentioned the menopause- exhaustion amd irritability are amongst the most common symptoms of peri- could you need HRT (it saved my sanity, my health and my marriage!). I’m not saying that HRT would solve very thing but it may help with the physical symptoms.

If you're like me, you just need a bit of solitude.

I also cannot abide small talk, I prefer someone to get to the point !

I also think you are exhausted and when you have a child with SEN it is exhausting and you long for peace and quiet and to relax and be in your own thoughts. I know I appreciate silence.

Maybe he feels he needs to fill the silence, tell him you are happy to be away with him but would appreciate and cherish the peace and quiet as life is so hectic at home.

I'm already on it, but don't ever feel the dosage is quite right. I need to push for a referral to a clinic and see if I need testosterone or something too. I'm really not feeling like a very nice person.

Sometimes the point is just being friendly. It’s not supposed to be thrilling or deep discussion, or even to convey/extract particular information, sometimes it’s just being friendly. You don’t have to like it but I think you are expecting something from “small talk” that isn’t the point of it

I felt like this about an ex - that I just couldn't be bothered to talk to him - and it took me longer than it should have, primarily for his sake, to realised that this meant we should not be together. It suddenly hit me with clarity when I realised that if I had a good story/anecdote/fact to share I would save it for other people because it felt 'wasteful' to use it on him. Horrible looking back but I think I felt like I couldn't leave him 'just because' I didn't really like his company, that I needed a better excuse. I didn't, of course, and it would have been much kinder to him if I'd realised that more quickly. We're both now very happily married to other people, and the last time I saw him we had a lovely chat!

You sound interacted out so it may be that you just need some peace and quiet and time to yourself.

But maybe also consider whether this is the right relationship for you at the moment. Conversation with the right person should recharge and energise you, not leave you feeling drained.

Agree - There's a fine line between interesting small talk and a mindless monologue of utter drivel. The second one I have very little tolerance for these days, no matter who is speaking.

@HoollyWugger yes do go and visit the Dr. It’s not right the way you’re feeling and hopefully they can help.