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Original poster

Can someone give me a grip? Passage of time.

42 replies

whiteroseredrose · 27/07/2022 19:40

My wonderful, wicked, mother in law, my partner in crime, can't remember that we went to visit her in Spain a few weeks ago. I can now climb a hill faster than my DF, and DDog died at the end of February.

I'm so sad about the passage of time. It feels like the best years were 10 years ago. I'm actually feeling very tearful. Can someone please pass me a grip?

OP posts:
Saucery · 27/07/2022 19:48

You don’t need a grip, you need a bracing shoulder punch and a hug Flowers
It totally sucks in many ways, but all that time behind us is full of memories and we just have to plan for whatever time we have left.

Original poster
whiteroseredrose · 27/07/2022 19:50

@Saucery. Thank you. You are right - hopefully there will be good times ahead. But it was such a shock that MIL couldn't remember our holiday.

OP posts:
Saucery · 27/07/2022 19:53

I know, and it always seems trite to counter it with anything like “Well, better than the alternative!” or #making memories.
It can swallow you up if you let it, so I just allow myself 10 mins or so of exploring that feeling, then make myself do something else.

sleepymum50 · 27/07/2022 19:55

I just remind myself that I’ll never be younger than I am today. It always makes remember to be grateful.

Original poster
whiteroseredrose · 27/07/2022 19:57

Good point @sleepymum50 !

OP posts:
AbsoluteShambles · 27/07/2022 19:57

You don’t need a grip, you need a bracing shoulder punch and a hug Flowers

Agree! Give yourself a break, OP.

Life’s tough. You’re allowed to feel that sometimes.

WhatIsThisPlease · 27/07/2022 19:57

I felt like this this morning. It often 'gets' me when I first wake up. In those moments between being awake and asleep. I'm literally overwhelmed with the sadness of knowing my DC are grown up and I'll never feel their little hands in mine again or take them out to the seaside for the day etc.

It could actually lead to a panic attack if I let it so I have to get up and walk the dog. 6.15 today, she was horrified 😂

You're not alone. It's a truly horrible feeling knowing your best years have probably been and gone.

Sending you a hug 💐

Chisquared · 27/07/2022 20:02

I'm having this today. DS is 20, 2nd year of university and he is home for the summer. Next summer he probably won't be, he's likely to be living independently and almost moved out for good. 'Sliping through my fingers' is magnified by having him at home some extra time during the pandemic (yes I know I'm lucky).
I think @Saucery has good advice, give in a bit, explore the feeling and then re group

Crikeyalmighty · 27/07/2022 20:06

I totally get how you feel- I'm 60 now but a young 60 - and I often think back to quality , experienced people who I worked with when I was 18 and realise if still alive they would be in their mid 80's!! The old saying that life seems to race by when you get to 55 is so very true

Manzi · 27/07/2022 20:07

No grip needed, OP. Just solidarity and Flowers

@Chisquared I am totally unsentimental and would <boak> at anything to do with "making memories", but I also have a 20 yo DS who has just completed his second year and the thought of him not being here in the holidays in future absolutely floors me. I wouldn't tell anyone that, though, other than on an anonymous forum!

RaininSummer · 27/07/2022 20:07

I understand. I am so aware of speeding time now. I feel that I am on borrowed time with the elderly members of the family and soon I will be at the top of the tree. My dog is elderly and that makes me sad Future planning now includes thinking about the amount of steps in a possible new home and whether it's near a bus route.

Original poster
whiteroseredrose · 27/07/2022 20:07

@Chisquared that song. Slipping through my fingers, from Mamma Mia, gets me every time. And the film About Time.

OP posts:
TinaYouFatLard · 27/07/2022 20:09

I cannot talk or think about the film About Time without crying. The relentless passing of time is a complete bastard.

Original poster
whiteroseredrose · 27/07/2022 20:11

@Manzi . DS told me a statistic. Apparently at 22 he has already spent something like 85% of the time he ever will with his parents.

Mind you he has a poster above his bed with numbers of days on it to map out how much of his life is behind him or ahead - wonder where he gets it from,

OP posts:
Original poster
whiteroseredrose · 27/07/2022 20:12

@RaininSummer . I know. The thought of being the oldest generation is scary.

OP posts:
Original poster
whiteroseredrose · 27/07/2022 20:13

Thanks for the hug @WhatIsThisPlease .

OP posts:
Crikeyalmighty · 27/07/2022 20:29

@whiteroseredrose even more so is when you realise the age the Abba guys were when they wrote that song!! They were still pretty young

Crikeyalmighty · 27/07/2022 20:33

Incredibly deep lyrics- in fact many Abba songs have really strong meaningful lyrics -

Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile
I watch her go with a surge of that well-known sadness
And I have to sit down for a while
The feeling that I'm losing her forever
And without really entering her world
I'm glad whenever I can share her laughter
That funny little girl
Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see what's in her mind?
Each time I think I'm close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Sleep in our eyes, her and me at the breakfast table
Barely awake, I let precious time go by
Then when she's gone, there's that odd melancholy feeling
And a sense of guilt I can't deny
What happened to the wonderful adventures
The places I had planned for us to go?
(Slipping through my fingers all the time)
Well, some of that we did but most we didn't
And why? I just don't know
Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see what's in her mind?
Each time I think I'm close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture
And save it from the funny tricks of time
Slipping through my fingers
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile

Manzi · 27/07/2022 20:35

whiteroseredrose · 27/07/2022 20:11

@Manzi . DS told me a statistic. Apparently at 22 he has already spent something like 85% of the time he ever will with his parents.

Mind you he has a poster above his bed with numbers of days on it to map out how much of his life is behind him or ahead - wonder where he gets it from,

He sounds like a treasure ❤️ (awful statistic, though!)

0blio · 27/07/2022 20:37

It must be a day for this feeling as my friend and I had it while reminiscing today. Loved ones aren't with us long, we have to make the most and the best of our short time together.

3luckystars · 27/07/2022 20:37

I understand. My parents are very old now. It breaks my heart sometimes as I see them disappearing, but my dad doesn’t let it stop him doing anything, he still keeps going on, full of adventure. When I drop him off anywhere, I always start welling up and imagining the music from the incredible hulk.
But then I think, it could be me next, nobody knows how much time any of us have left.

I hope you are ok x

3luckystars · 27/07/2022 20:45

I’ll tell you a funny one, my littlest daughter loves Abba and used to sing ‘slipping through my fingers’ at her older sister going to school, she was only 3. Abba songs are so simple they can be applied to loads of complicated feelings.

another day we were at the vet and he asked if the dog had diarrhoea, and she was only about 3 in her pram and started singing ‘diarrhoea, here we go again, my my’ and the vet fell around the place laughing, he couldn’t actually believe it came out of her little mouth. He kept saying ‘did I actually just hear that?’

Gatekeeper · 27/07/2022 20:50

Oh my God....reading these posts and I am ...Waahhhhhhhj

Chisquared · 27/07/2022 20:54

whiteroseredrose · 27/07/2022 20:11

@Manzi . DS told me a statistic. Apparently at 22 he has already spent something like 85% of the time he ever will with his parents.

Mind you he has a poster above his bed with numbers of days on it to map out how much of his life is behind him or ahead - wonder where he gets it from,

Devastating statistic. I'm an older Mum and I also turned 60 this year and honestly I feel like I blink and another year has gone by. But I'm happy to gave had the financial security to work part time even he was young and made the best of the time.
But not helped my getting letters saying I can now claim my pension 🤔

lateSeptember1964 · 27/07/2022 20:57

My mum ended our phone call tonight with an I love you and she cried. I’m sitting here wondering does she feel her time is coming to an end, does she sense something. It’s so sad that she’s 85 and I wish we could go back 10 years. My boys are all grown and I wish they were little and it was the summer holidays with them running around. How sad it is.