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Original poster

Was anyones else's mother like this?

29 replies

BeefCarvery · 27/07/2022 08:27

My mother was so odd during my childhood. I remember her always moaning and whining and shouting. She was always asleep on the couch too. We had to walk on eggshells and she dictated everything. A friend basically asked me when we were about 10 why my mum was a bitch. I remember we used to go out and she'd look away and ignore us and play wanker games. I remember being woke up at 1am with her screaming and throwing our toys out and once when I was about 6 her temper was so bad she smashed a bottle and fainted. I was terrified of her. As an adult I married someone I didn't want to because I was too scared of her if I pulled out.

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Original poster
BeefCarvery · 27/07/2022 08:29

I've told her my ex was abusive and she tells me he isn't. My god he is.

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Original poster
BeefCarvery · 27/07/2022 08:31

And we were never allowed to express ant negative emotions. We could never bother her. If we did it would be screaming and not being able to cope.

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MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 27/07/2022 08:33

She sounds like she had a lot of issues and wasn't equipped to be a parent. Sounds dreadful and very hard on you.

Original poster
BeefCarvery · 27/07/2022 08:34

I fear I'll be the same although I know I'm not an abuser.

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TheGrabber · 27/07/2022 08:35

I had a similar mum too op, my mum was always asleep on the sofa too. She'd scream and shout all of the time, my friend recently told me she was scared of my mum because of how stressy she was. She wasn't affectionate I've never hugged her, she just wasn't maternal at all but now my dad has died it seems she has some learning difficulty possible ASD but I don't know it doesn't feel like that makes up for my childhood.

I'm sorry you've been through similar, are you still in contact with her? Have you had counselling?

Charlieiscool · 27/07/2022 08:36

No my mother wasn’t like that. I hope yours is out of your life and you are making your life your own now. She sounds mentally I’ll but you have done more than you ever need to do for her, she isn’t your responsibility or your problem any more.

Original poster
BeefCarvery · 27/07/2022 08:36

I am in contact. I've been conditioned to be reliant although it's got better. Counselling does nothing really and I haven't got time anyway.

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UnimpeachableBravery · 27/07/2022 08:41

My mum was a lot like that. I'm NC now.

bakewellbride · 27/07/2022 08:45

My mum wasn't like this but her partner who she forced me to call 'dad' was and it was extremely difficult. She turned a blind eye to everything he did. As she put it "he has to take it out on somebody". Many years of no contact with them both now and I have a happy life. You too can rebuild your life but it takes a great therapist and a lot of strength Flowers

Original poster
BeefCarvery · 27/07/2022 08:48

Why would someone act like that..

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Original poster
BeefCarvery · 27/07/2022 08:50

And if she didn't get her own way we'd have the guilt trips and the crying and the smacking.

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ldontWanna · 27/07/2022 08:57

BeefCarvery · 27/07/2022 08:48

Why would someone act like that..

Mental health issues,addiction,selfishness, having kids for the wrong reasons, not being able to accept the reality of having kids compared to what they think it should be etc. The reasons are irrelevant really, her behaviour is not a reflection on you. She was a bad ,abusive mother.

Original poster
BeefCarvery · 27/07/2022 09:00

I don't know why she bothered having us tbh.

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crystalize · 27/07/2022 09:15

Im sorry you had such an awful abusive mother. You are under no obligation to be in her life at all. Please consider going no contact, especially if you have children. You don't want her influence on them.

Original poster
BeefCarvery · 27/07/2022 09:24

She starts situations with people aswell then sits back while hell breaks loose. She hated me having friends and makes constant comments ie isn't she fat. Hasn't she got floppy boobs etc. We went on holiday once and she went on about how fast I eat and said she was going to monitor what I eat. Fuck off you cunt

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DragonflyNights · 27/07/2022 09:30

Get her out of your life. I know it’s not easy but the peace is so wonderful, believe me.

Original poster
BeefCarvery · 27/07/2022 09:34

She's improved with age. 😑

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YorkieTheRabbit · 27/07/2022 09:35

Mental health problems and in the case of my mum, alcohol issues.
She didn’t do loving and kind, didn’t seem to think feeding her kids and keeping them clean and safe were essentials.
yes to shouting, hitting and disappearing when she felt like it.
Now, as an adult, I can look back and see certain things which I didn’t understand as a child. She was obviously deeply unhappy and drinking made her even more volatile.
She got in touch with me after three years of no contact to tell me she had cancer
She died when I was 17 and I didn’t go to her funeral. My mother still has influence over my life, how I view people and of my lack of trust, she is the reason I didn’t have children as I was scared of turning into her.

Fluffygreenslippers · 27/07/2022 09:37

Yes sounds a lot like my mother. She was always asleep on the sofa too, and screamed bloody murder if I accidentally woke her up. She was always huffing about something, she’d get fixated in some perceived slight & go on and on about it. She still does it now. She denies slapping me, throwing shit at me, throwing or ripping up my possessions. She ‘did her best’ apparently. 🙄

hamstersarse · 27/07/2022 09:42

No, my mother was not like this and I am sorry yours was.

She clearly had some issues and the awful and unfair thing is that her issues will have impacted you. It's time to take control of your own life, break free and work out who you actually are without the shadow of your mum's problems dominating your life. Do whatever it takes to rid yourself of her shadow on your own life.

Fluffygreenslippers · 27/07/2022 09:44

BeefCarvery · 27/07/2022 09:24

She starts situations with people aswell then sits back while hell breaks loose. She hated me having friends and makes constant comments ie isn't she fat. Hasn't she got floppy boobs etc. We went on holiday once and she went on about how fast I eat and said she was going to monitor what I eat. Fuck off you cunt

My mother (and grandfather) starting from the age of 9 went on and on about how fat I was. As I became a teenager my mother told me I was ‘disgusting’ and ‘a fat cunt’ and ‘no one would ever love me and you’ll never have a boyfriend because you’re a big fat monster’ and, maturely, a ‘fat elephant’. It led to a lifetime of eating disorders, most notably binge eating, resulting in me just getting fatter. Ironically my mother and grandfather were fat greedy bastards themselves.

CaitoftheCantii · 27/07/2022 09:45

Yes, mum was like this until a couple of years ago when my dad became bedbound. She gets episodes when it returns, but I ignore them now.

I’ve had therapy, but cannot face going back to re-open some of the things that happened - I can cope as long as I don’t think back, I just say I don’t recall a large part of my early life…

MsPincher · 27/07/2022 09:46

My mother was like that. Still can’t cope with anything and is all about herself. Sorry op - it’s awful. As a Middle Aged mum myself now, I have come to terms with her abuse

Original poster
BeefCarvery · 27/07/2022 09:54

When the face starts I just ignore it. I can't be bothered to ask what's wrong because I just don't care.

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Original poster
BeefCarvery · 27/07/2022 09:56

I also don't remember alot of my childhood which is odd. My mums mum was odd aswell. My mum made it clear she despised her parents tbh.

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