Awkward after sex with coworker

[Hannah8514]

I went out with work on Friday night and ended up going home with a coworker. We're both single, had been flirting for a while, always have fun banter in the office and things were great when he left on Saturday morning. We were also texting all weekend and it was all fine.

However, today I went in to work and he was so cold with me. At one point we were in a meeting with a few other people and he kept challenging/disagreeing with me on minor things and undermining me. I also think he spoke to some other guys in the office about what happened because of some comments that were made.

Why does it feel like we're 12 and back in school?! 🙄 I thought we had a good time on Friday and we were absolutely fine until today. I've text this evening asking if I've done something wrong and he's left me on read ( I know he could just be busy).

This has turned in to a bit of a rant but honestly, men confuse me so much! If he's not interested he can just say and that's absolutely fine. I wasn't expecting a proposal! Ha!

Do I just grin and bear it and wait for it to pass, or continue to try speak to him to see what the issue is? The last thing I want is an awkward work environment because of something so silly and today felt so uncomfortable that I'm now dreading work tomorrow ☹️

Don’t sleep with co workers is the lesson to learn here.
he sounds like a dick and I imagine you aren’t the first person he’s done this too

Sounds like he regrets it and isn't mature enough to deal with it. This is the kind of mistake that you only make once - my grandmother had an apt saying for this (and a number of other situations): a good bird doesn't shit on its own nest.

All you can do is concentrate on your work and treat him with complete professionalism exactly as you would any other colleague. Then if he continues making a tit of himself, your work can't be faulted at least.

and start job hunting

He’s a dick.

I wouldn’t have messaged to start with and I wouldn’t message him again. He’s had what he wanted, you were a conquest and nothing more.
Treat him as you would any other colleague, don’t do it again and look for another job.

When are people going to learn don't sleep with colleagues?! I suspect things will continue to be awkward now. Don't message him again. You know you haven't done anything wrong. He got what he wanted and is now back to his usual post conquest self.

I would say he feels very awkward and is worried about work, so is over-compensating in his immaturity by acting like a total bellend

What a dick!!!

I've text this evening asking if I've done something wrong and he's left me on read ( I know he could just be busy).

Wroooooong approach. I'd have texted him 'I don't feel your communication in that meeting was particularly professional. I hope we can be adults'. Don't ask an arsehole if YOU did anything wrong. Let them know THEY did something wrong.

Icy professionalism going forward. And don't shit where you eat again!

All you can do is focus on yourself. It feels to me like you have low self esteem given you sent a message asking if you had done something wrong when its pretty clear from the rest of your post that it’s him who has done something wrong here with his change in behaviour towards you.

Don’t sleep with colleagues. Don’t even flirt with colleagues. Limit your drinking at work events. VYou are there to work and to progress your career. There’s plenty of men available to flirt with and sleep with. Find them elsewhere.

He’s made it clear that this was a one time thing (or potentially a series of hook ups each time you go out drinking) and will never be anything more. Talking about it with others in the office and undermining you at work shows you that he is unprofessional and a fuckboy. Steer clear as much as you can and remain professional. I suspect that you may need to look for another job. Which is total bullshit but unfortunately women are always in the wrong and their actions used against them whilst the menz continue on their merry way with no consequences.
Im sorry this has happened to you.

Don't look for another job - it shouldn't come to that. Keep your head up, shoulders back, and get on with it. Professional conversation only and skip the extra-curricular activities from now on. It's crap, but it will pass, just like everything else does!
And don't sleep with a colleague again.

Stop texting.

Easy to say, harder to do but really. You need to leave this alone for a week or so. Avoid him and just cool the contact.

Thank you all for your responses!

The message tonight asking if I had done something wrong was purposely worded to be in relation to work, not what happened on Friday. I said I wasn't really sure why he was challenging me so much in the meeting but happy to discuss if I had done something wrong that I wasn't aware of. I would say the same to anyone that undermined me like that seemingly for no reason, but in hindsight, you're all right, I shouldn't have text. Should have said it in the office and been professional unlike him.

The funny thing is I don't even want a relationship with him! I just thought we could be adults about it and not let it affect work but that was clearly optimistic on my part. It most definitely won't be happening again.

I'm not going to look for a new job because of this. At least not straight away. I'll just be professional and try to ignore the fact that he's acting like a child.

Don’t message him again, he’s an idiot, probably worried about how you’d be at work and is being a dick because he’s too immature to actually have a chat about it.
practice acting as though you’ve never seen him before so you can be aloof with him at work.

The perfect advice. Do exactly this

I agree this is the correct approach.

If you had done something wrong work wise then he could have handled it professionally but he didn't and now you have given him an excuse to make you to blame for the atmosphere. Do not accept it. If he behaves in a similar manner again you need to challenge him on it and tell him he needs to behave more professionally.

Texting him again would not be a good idea. He's an idiot who lacks the maturity to draw a line under a one night stand. This knowledge benefits you because now you know he's not worth any more of your time. If he recovers from his discomfort I would not give him a second chance.

This exactly! Never put him on a pedestal as he now thinks he has to power to give you validation.

And don't message him again as it'll come across needy. Also, there may be a chance that absolutely nothing is wrong, he's just having a bad day.

Just take a step back and don't bother reaching out to him. Just do your work.

Don't admit to sleeping with him . Any comments just made by colleagues just look blank . Be careful this doesn't turn in to harassment.

It’s hardly crime of the century. Loads of people meet at work. It’ll be okay @Hannah8514 just pp said blank look to anyone making comments and carry on. Don’t worry.

If your in e.g. Intelligence services, or covert ops, etc, sometimes it's better to fish in the company pool,

Otherwise if it's e.g. General companies, then it can be tricky business.

Of course it's not a crime to meet a partner at work. But "ending up" having sex with a colleague after a work night out isn't dating and is quite short sighted.

That's the right approach OP. Be wary of keeping communication about work in work.

you say the flirting has been mutual but reading between the lines it sounds like you are more into him than he's into you, in the cold light of day he's thought shit what the hell have I done and he's scared you're going to turn into a stalker or bunny boiler or start talking about wedding dresses and buffet vs plated meal. The talking with his mates may be a case of 'i stuffed up - how do i handle this' - which then turns into the usual immature jockeying.

It was really silly to have slept with him, but its done. The best thing to do is not to chase him or ask for explanations or anything else....just brazen it out with your head held high, keep professional and cool and make light of it if anyone ever alludes to it...eg yes Carl and I did hook up once but it was really nothing serious, hes a lovely bloke but on second thoughts not what im looking for long term/

Please dont compound the mistake by making an issue about it at work, raising the subject with others in the workplace and trying to sound him out etc etc. And for the love of God dont sleep with him again.

Oh I definitely won't be chasing him or texting again. He actually text me back last night saying nothing is wrong and why would I think that?! Gaslighting at its finest! Hahaha

As I've said I don't even want a relationship with him. It was a case of a few too many wines and poor judgement and I wish it hadn't happened, but I don't understand why (some) men can't just be adult about it instead of thinking all women want to marry them and have their babies after one night together. Sigh!

Anyway, I didn't text back and it will be icy professionalism as pp suggested going forward.

You did nothing wrong and in an ideal world it wouldn't change the dynamic of your working relationship. However, he's clearly having problems getting his head around it, and isn't emotionally mature enough to not be a dick. What I would suggest is be your normal self, but keep a diary of his twatishness just in case it becomes a regular occurance.

This sadly seems to be how it goes. Yeah I dont know what thats all about.i mean talk about having tickets on yourself. Mate I didnt wanna marry you . We had sex. I'm not gonna fall.in.love with you of you say hello once in a while.

You dont have to make things so hostile worse thing was everyone else thought he was brilliant. I couldn't tell anyone he was a actually a dick and why he became even more of a dick to me.

The reason he acted nasty in the meetings afterwards was that he was covertly telling you not to start thinking he likes you just because he shagged you, AND that you are not to expect a relationship.

Horrible man.

All you can do now is learn from it and never never let yourself do that sort of thing again.

Good for you Hannah!!! Make him look small by just being fabulous and professional. You go girl! :)