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Original poster

Awkward after sex with coworker

35 replies

Hannah8514 · 25/07/2022 20:11

I went out with work on Friday night and ended up going home with a coworker. We're both single, had been flirting for a while, always have fun banter in the office and things were great when he left on Saturday morning. We were also texting all weekend and it was all fine.

However, today I went in to work and he was so cold with me. At one point we were in a meeting with a few other people and he kept challenging/disagreeing with me on minor things and undermining me. I also think he spoke to some other guys in the office about what happened because of some comments that were made.

Why does it feel like we're 12 and back in school?! 🙄 I thought we had a good time on Friday and we were absolutely fine until today. I've text this evening asking if I've done something wrong and he's left me on read ( I know he could just be busy).

This has turned in to a bit of a rant but honestly, men confuse me so much! If he's not interested he can just say and that's absolutely fine. I wasn't expecting a proposal! Ha!

Do I just grin and bear it and wait for it to pass, or continue to try speak to him to see what the issue is? The last thing I want is an awkward work environment because of something so silly and today felt so uncomfortable that I'm now dreading work tomorrow ☹️

OP posts:
PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 26/07/2022 13:16

I hate to say this, but I would get an STI test and watch out for harassment at work. From what you've written here, I'd fear he might try to write you off as 'the office bike' or a 'bunny boiler'. You shouldn't have to think about these things, but unfortunately, misogyny abounds in these situations. I would ignore him completely outside of emails and meetings, if I were you.

Original poster
Hannah8514 · 26/07/2022 13:31

PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 26/07/2022 13:16

I hate to say this, but I would get an STI test and watch out for harassment at work. From what you've written here, I'd fear he might try to write you off as 'the office bike' or a 'bunny boiler'. You shouldn't have to think about these things, but unfortunately, misogyny abounds in these situations. I would ignore him completely outside of emails and meetings, if I were you.

I'm not worried about any harrassment or bunny boiler claims because he would have no evidence to suggest if. If anything, with the exception of the text yesterday asking if there's an issue, I've been more aloof than him. I'm mainly concerned about there being a hostile work environment now over something so silly - people have one night stands all the time and get over it so I just think he needs to grow up. If he thought I was interested in anything more, a simply chat would have cleared the air.

It's so sad that women have to think about being labelled a bunny boiler or similar in these situations but very true.

Anyway, I'm now tee total, abstinent and refraining from attending any more work events haha

OP posts:
Frankola · 26/07/2022 14:03

Ever heard the phrase don't crap where you eat?

Let this be a lesson. Not a nice one I know but plenty of people have been there. He sounds like from his perspective it was a ONS and his actions are a way of making that clear. Rubbish thing for him to do, he obviously not a nice guy.

EBearhug · 26/07/2022 14:27

He's a dick. I've slept with more colleagues over the years than would ever be sensible (I counted them the other day...) - but in the office, we've always behaved like nothing ever happened and definitely never mention it to anyone else. Even the one who everyone knew I was in a relationship with - at work, we talked about work, because whatever happens, you still have to work together, even if that turns out to be as long as one of you has to work their notice.

We have a married couple at work, one in my department and the other I've worked closely with on other things, been on pub nights out with them both separately, and it was a great surprise to me to discover after some years that they'd been married all that time.

I'd be with MrsTerryPratchett - communicate once that you expect professional behaviour in the office, then ignore.

EBearhug · 26/07/2022 14:32

Anyway, I'm now tee total, abstinent and refraining from attending any more work events haha

It can still happen when you're teetotal. 😉

GorgeousLadyofWrestling · 26/07/2022 14:33

For all the comments saying you shouldn’t have slept with him because you work with him - I don’t think it’s fair to say that and it makes women feel bad when it would all be fine if he could have acted like a grown up.

You’re both consenting adults who chose to do this. You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. Even considering you work together. It’s entirely on him for behaving so immature. It really usually is the man who, after getting what he wants, responds in such a dickish way. All it takes is a grown up conversation agreeing that whilst it was fun, it’s not something either of you want to take further. And that to expect a level of professionalism from each other. By saying OP shouldn’t have done it is to imply she’s done something wrong and putting the onus on her to have not created this situation. Which she really really hasn’t.

OP - sorry he’s behaving like an idiot teenager who can’t handle having had sex and then dealing with things in an adult manner. Hope you had fun at the time, and just write him off now. As a PP said - icy professionalism.

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/07/2022 14:56

For all the comments saying you shouldn’t have slept with him because you work with him - I don’t think it’s fair to say that and it makes women feel bad when it would all be fine if he could have acted like a grown up.

It's advice not judgment! Most of us have been there. And learned that some men behave like adults and some don't.

tiedyetie · 26/07/2022 15:47

I'd make sure I look as smoking hot as possible whenever I saw him and ignore him completely. Maybe even flirt with another colleague? (but don't shag him)

tiedyetie · 26/07/2022 15:48

Yeah, never shag colleagues - it's just bad news

PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 26/07/2022 15:57

@Hannah8514 I was not thinking you would be accused of harassment, rather you might be victim to it, should he spread a 'bunny boiler' 'office bike' narrative about you.

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