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Original poster

I don't want to dance at my wedding

48 replies

greenar · 25/07/2022 06:39

I don't want to have a first dance at my wedding, neither does DP, we are not in the slightest bit 'mushy' even our vows i can imagine being just normal rather than romantic.

Has anyone ever been to any weddings like this? Not the norm...

OP posts:
KoalaPineapple · 25/07/2022 06:41

It’s your day! Completely your day and you do exactly what you want to! I didn’t want a bouquet so I didn’t have one, people don’t have bridesmaids or white dresses sometimes so they don’t! A dance isn’t a big deal so just do exactly what you want to do and have a fab day x x

MajorCarolDanvers · 25/07/2022 06:42

Brief the DJ/band. Make sure some friends and relatives are ready to get up and dance. So you don't end up with an awkward moment.

Your wedding. Do it your way.

Hellocatshome · 25/07/2022 06:43

We didn't have a first dance, DH also didn't make a speech. It's your day do whatever makes you happy.

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Weddings
Battista · 25/07/2022 06:44

We didn't dance at our wedding. We didn't even have dancing! 11am ceremony, 12pm canapes and drinks with photos, 1.30pm long relaxed lunch with 3 courses and plenty of wine, we left at 6pm and everyone else left whenever they fancied (most stayed on a bit or moved to another venue in smaller groups).It was perfect for us.

So - it's your wedding. If you don't want to dance, definitely no need to. Plan it for whatever suits you best Smile

Slidey23 · 25/07/2022 06:46

You should do what you both want. People do expect there to be a “first dance” if you’ve got a disco or band. Might be an idea to do something else fun instead and set expectations with your nearest and dearest. Or put a song on specifically for the kids to get people and parents on the dance floor.

CoverYourselfInChocolateGlory · 25/07/2022 06:46

We didn't have a cake at our wedding. We spent the money on fireworks instead. Do it your way, OP. Agree with PP advice to brief the band/DJ/whoever's doing the music but otherwise do what makes you happy. Could someone mention it in the speeches?

Maireas · 25/07/2022 06:47

Battista · 25/07/2022 06:44

We didn't dance at our wedding. We didn't even have dancing! 11am ceremony, 12pm canapes and drinks with photos, 1.30pm long relaxed lunch with 3 courses and plenty of wine, we left at 6pm and everyone else left whenever they fancied (most stayed on a bit or moved to another venue in smaller groups).It was perfect for us.

So - it's your wedding. If you don't want to dance, definitely no need to. Plan it for whatever suits you best Smile

Sounds like an ideal wedding!

tiggergoesbounce · 25/07/2022 06:57

Absolutely dont do the dance then, its your day, do what works for you.0

RayKray · 25/07/2022 06:59

Don't do the dance. Do whatever you want to do. And enlist the help of friends if you feel awkward about this.

EspeciallyDeIighted · 25/07/2022 07:03

We didn't have any dancing at all, we are not mushy types either and didn't want to be the centre of attention any longer than we had to. Also dislike feeling obliged to dance at other people's weddings when we'd rather sit and catch up with people we haven't seen for ages. Wedding mid afternoon followed by sit down meal, then everyone moved outside onto the terrace for coffee and cake, then the bar opened, the venue had several interlinked spaces (bar, terrace, function room, large foyer) so we had a jazz quartet playing in the central foyer and everyone just mingled, chatted, strolled round the grounds, played pool, giant jenga or whatever. It was very sociable and relaxing.

katmarie · 25/07/2022 07:07

Do what you want, it's your wedding! I made a speech at our wedding because DH wasn't comfortable doing it, and DH's best man was a woman, she also did a speech, half in english and half in her native language. We also did our speeches outside and with kids running around playing garden games. It worked for us, and was a wonderful day. Don't feel you have to do anything on your day that doesn't make you happy.

Chdjdn · 25/07/2022 07:10

I don’t think I’d notice if there wasn’t a first dance to be honest; of all the weddings I’ve been to I can only recall a couple of the first dances and that’s been more based on remembering the bride or groom not being keen and wanting everyone to join 20 seconds in

violetanemone · 25/07/2022 07:22

We had this problem too. It's not everyone's cup of tea, but we had a ceilidh. It meant that everyone was involved in our first dance and took a lot of pressure off!

SummerSazz · 25/07/2022 07:24

We didn't have a dance, or a top table (we sat in the middle with some friends as I didn't want to have to sit next to FIL 🤨). We had a cake of cheeses as I don't like cake and had garden games (giant Jenga, connect 4 etc) for the kids. Actually didn't have a photographer as I hate having my photo taken.

Just do whatever you want!

trailrunner85 · 25/07/2022 07:24

In my circle of friends, most people didn't have a "first dance", and nor did we. I can only think of a couple of people who did, and they tended to be the ones who got married first (ie in their early 20s) so did everything very traditionally.

By the time most of the rest of us got married in our late 20s and 30s, weddings tended to be much more relaxed affairs that just flowed naturally from food into mingling and dancing, without all the "set pieces" like speeches and staged photographs.
Don't do a first danceif you don't want to OP; I doubt people will notice or expect it.

Twizbe · 25/07/2022 07:36

One of the reasons we had a ceilidh at our wedding was because we didn't want to do a first dance.

We're not big PDA people at all. Having the ceilidh meant that we had several other guests joining us, it wasn't mushy and we didn't have to awkward slow dance.

Originalusername123 · 25/07/2022 07:47

Do your wedding exactly how you want it. As others said, can barely remember other people's first dances. Just brief your wedding coordinator and band and they'll smoothly gloss over and move things along.

Disagree with PP about telling people beforehand and setting expectations because people expect it. With the benefit of experience, I'd say nothing. We departed from a lot of "norms" and honestly, the reaction of others with their expectations put so much pressure on me I nearly cancelled the wedding. It even continued through the day and it's tainted a lot of my memories. When it comes to weddings, everyone has an opinion but it's all about you and your DP. I'd just plan for what you want and everyone will go with it on the day.

NiceTwin · 25/07/2022 07:54

No dance/music, no speeches and no photographer at our wedding.
We were in a hotel and hired the pool out for the children and anybody else who fancied it between afternoon tea and the evening meal.

The day was absolutely perfect, for us, and for our guests. No pressure on anybody - my poor father would have needed beta blockers to do a speech.

TeenDivided · 25/07/2022 07:55

Battista · 25/07/2022 06:44

We didn't dance at our wedding. We didn't even have dancing! 11am ceremony, 12pm canapes and drinks with photos, 1.30pm long relaxed lunch with 3 courses and plenty of wine, we left at 6pm and everyone else left whenever they fancied (most stayed on a bit or moved to another venue in smaller groups).It was perfect for us.

So - it's your wedding. If you don't want to dance, definitely no need to. Plan it for whatever suits you best Smile

We did very similar.
It also meant that 98% of the guests could go there and back in 1 day rather than forking out for hotels, and the guests whose children weren't attending could get back to them too.
It would still be my ideal structure for a wedding as a guest.

Peckhampalace · 25/07/2022 09:18

No dancing here either. We didn't have an evening do, but most guests stayed around in the evening chatting and sitting in hotel garden. Smallish wedding split 50/50 between people staying in hotel and living locally.
DH also didn't have a best man and we didn't have a video.
Do whatever you like!

Badger1970 · 25/07/2022 09:25

I still have nightmares about my cousin and his wife chewing each others faces off for the duration of Bryan Adams "Anything I do I do it for you". And that's a long fecking song............. and the worst part was that they actually got their guests to stand around them for a video Shock

The last couple of weddings we've been to, the Bride and those that went on her hen party have kicked off the dancing to a song that they played on the hen night. That's been an awful lot more bearable to watch Grin

Sparklingbrook · 25/07/2022 09:53

I didn’t either. Also no bridesmaids, or top table. Just pick the bits you want and don’t bother with the rest just because it’s seen as tradition or whatever.
i always make myself scarce during couples first dances as I find it all a bit cringey.

garlictwist · 25/07/2022 10:19

I find first dances incredibly cringe and can't bear watching them so I'd be relieved if you just skipped it! It's your wedding, you should do what you want.

I went to a wedding last week where the bride did a speech and the best man and that was it, as neither her father nor the groom were confident public speakers. I thought it was great that she didn't force them into it in the name of tradition.

housemaus · 25/07/2022 10:25

We didn't do loads of the stuff like this.

  • No 'first dance' as such (everyone did a joint first dance type thing, instead of it just being us)
  • No proper speeches - I stood up, thanked everyone for coming and said we weren't fannying around with an hour of speeches and to all enjoy the party, and then raised a glass to everyone, over in about 45 seconds
  • We did the set vows with no personalised bits and did the shortest possible ceremony because the idea of standing up there pledging our everlasting love made us both feel a bit ill haha,
  • No top table so we weren't on view the whole time
  • No staged photos, so no standing around with a photographer posing
Worked for us! It's your wedding, do it how you want it to.

Nobody is going to miss a first dance and think "well, I wish I hadn't come now because I didn't see them dance by themselves". Ditto speeches or flowery vows.

People go to weddings to celebrate your marriage, how you do that is entirely up to you!

I went to a mostly beautiful wedding once where the speeches went on for an HOUR. And the vows took 5 minutes just by themselves and were so excruciatingly Hallmark/intimate/soppy that it began to feel very self indulgent (I know it's their day, so an excuse to be self indulgent, but it didn't feel very welcoming to the guests to have to sit through what should have been effectively soppy pillow talk).

dudsville · 25/07/2022 10:26

I've had two fabulous weddings. The first was so well organised. We gathered for the ceremony and then went straight to a meal and then home, no evening disco and drinking. A few of us went on to a destination wedding type place for a group long weekend. For the second wedding, we had musicians and we did not plan a "first dance" (I didn't wear a wedding dress to either, our speeches were not the traditional ones, and we didn't have "the cake" and cake cutting bit, we didn't enter the room as the new husdand and wife, etc.,) . I must say though that whilst I was talking with some friends my new husband did come up to me and ask me to dance and that was lovely.

I've since stopped getting married, it didn't suit me, but I did have two lovely weddings that were designed by us in ways that we enjoyed. This is your celebration. Do what you want to do.

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