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Original poster

Daughter 8 being excluded on the road

68 replies

Myname23 · 24/07/2022 18:51

Hi, my daughter is 8 & always played with a little girl on the road, bffs... Now this girl has teamed up with 4 other girls & they have stopped calling for dd, when she goes out to them they run & hide in her & basically making her feel uneasy...parents not approachable but don't want this for the whole summer... Dd is very sensitive & is upset by it all.. Aibu to just keep her off the road anyways?

OP posts:

toastinateapot · 27/07/2022 08:32

Sorry you’re feeling upset but not sure why you’re bumping this when you’ve already had lots of good advice!

Mally100 · 27/07/2022 08:58

Wolfiefan · 25/07/2022 07:47

Just because others are daft enough to let a 5 year old play out without supervision it doesn’t mean you have to.
At that age play dates etc are so much safer and more appropriate

I agree. I wouldn't allow this even much older. I've seen how some children play out, it's horrible. They should be playing under supervision for exactly some of these reasons.

Mally100 · 27/07/2022 09:03

Myname23 · 25/07/2022 08:28

She's here telling me that they say "come on Freya (not real name) let's go down to the tree le & talk about little lunch, Isla you can't come, you don't have Netflix".. Etc..

Nasty little things. And this is why it's also important to know who your kids friends are and their parents. My ds is a bit younger but around here that's how it works. We do playdates and get to know the parents until we are comfortable to send them on playdates without us there. My friends with older kids/ teens also get to know the parents, quick coffee at the parents home etc. There's no being 12/13 or whatever and just walking out the door to 'a friends' home and returning whenever. We all know where our kids are and have contacts for parents etc. I know MN rages against that but I'm glad this still exists amongst certain groups of people.

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8 year olds Families

Mally100 · 27/07/2022 09:06

Be glad your dd is excluded, they sound nasty and tbh with being so young and unsupervised thats why they are like that. Far safer to arrange playdates and get to know the parents too.

lollipoprainbow · 27/07/2022 09:18

If my dd had two older siblings, other friends and a lovely garden i wouldn't be bothered at all about these girls. My dd is an only, struggles majorly with friends as she is autistic and we don't have a lovely house or garden !!

skippy67 · 27/07/2022 09:25

I don't know why you're that bothered by this. You say your dd has lots of camps etc booked for the summer hols, so you should both focus on that. Why do you want her to be included in a group of girls who don't sound as though they're very nice at all?

lollipoprainbow · 27/07/2022 09:43

@skippy67 I agree, it sounds like the dd has loads going on in her own life with exciting camps etc, I wouldn't be remotely bothered about these girls !

catsnore · 27/07/2022 10:17

I think this is fairly normal behaviour in girls this age. Had similar with my dd10. There are always politics and so and so said this and I'm not playing with you etc etc. however, it usually blows over pretty quickly. I would only worry if it went on for a long time, and then yes, I would keep her away from the others and find other activities. She's not going to miss out at all. Just have a few chilled days. The other kids will get bored with each other and be knocking for her soon enough. Or invite one of the other girls in to play where you can keep an ear open for nastiness.

Original poster

Myname23 · 27/07/2022 10:36

Appreciate all the replies, she's tired after camp anyways & happy to chill.. She's looking forward to her playdates next week

OP posts:

Spohn · 27/07/2022 11:23

Why do you keep bumping this? Do you not find the replies you’ve had in any way useful?

Kids are dicks, maybe she could have a break from the many camps, play dates and activities she’s booked in for, enjoy her own company for a change.

Bunty55 · 27/07/2022 11:26

She's probably bumping this because she is upset ! It's hardly rocket science

Spohn · 27/07/2022 11:28

But what else does she want people to say?

gogohmm · 27/07/2022 11:29

I'll be frank, if she's 8 she needs to be in childcare if you are working. Just because you work from home doesn't mean she can look after herself nor her siblings. Kids are cruel that's why they need supervision, these other kids need an adult taking care of the situation too

Original poster

Myname23 · 27/07/2022 11:39

@gogohmm that's why she's doing so many camps. I can't get shortterm childcare for the school hols. She usually has an activity in the evening. It was at the weekend when I wasn't working that I noticed them excluding her as I was able to watch & potter out the front.
I am self employed so i can juggle things around so dd is cared for correctly. I wanted to nip this in the bud so posted to see if I was doing right by dc3 by not letting her out with them..

OP posts:

EV117 · 27/07/2022 11:46

I would always advise my child if people are being unkind then you won’t want to play with them anyway. If they run off or tell you to go away, their loss - definitely not yours. I would acknowledge that it’s hurtful but also try and build some resilience around. Rejection is tough and people often blame themselves, but unfortunately life is unfair and people can just be dicks (obviously I wouldn’t phrase it that way!) and acknowledging that they are being dicks, making a game out of running off and leaving someone out is just shitty behaviour and that she hasn’t done anything wrong.
I would arrange for her to have a play date with a friend or maybe you can go out somewhere nice and invite one along.

ThePumpkinPatch · 27/07/2022 11:47

CherieBabySpliffUp · 24/07/2022 19:11

You can't make the others play with her.

What a thoroughly helpful & compassionate post, Cherie! Well done 👍🏻

EV117 · 27/07/2022 11:53

I wanted to nip this in the bud so posted to see if I was doing right by dc3 by not letting her out with them..

I wouldn’t forbid it if she was still so keen, it’s not nice behaviour but no one is getting hurt or bullied here, I would be quite blunt though and tell her not to get upset and moan then if they are unkind. You can’t make people want to play with you and you can’t always make them be kind, so if you don’t want to get upset you need to make the choice to stay away from them.

ThePumpkinPatch · 27/07/2022 11:57

@Myname23 I have a similar issue with my 7yr old girl and the neighbour's kids blowing hot & cold. It's really heartbreaking isn't it? You hate seeing your child hurt because they won't play with them & there's nothing you can do to 'fix' it. I just don't usually let her play with them now, though sometimes she's so excited when they ask her to, that I can't say no. It ends in tears though - every single time! All I can do, is to tell her that the problem isn't her - it's them. And not to listen to any hurtful words. To try not to be sad when they ignore her or don't want to play 💜

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