He said I'm abusive...am I?

[redwhiteandbluee]

Il try and summarise as much as possible.
I've always thought I'm a nice person,i have a good heart.
I met a guy through mutual friends.
Instantly we clicked and we spoke all day every day.
He told me at the time "I send women crazy" obviously I just took it as a joke at the time.
He told me all his ex girlfriends have hit him and he was worried he would find another "unstable woman".
We started dating and all was great,we weren't "official " but he called me his GF.
Then he started messing with my head.
Talking to other women.
Then sleeping with other women and telling me about it.
We weren't official so I couldn't say anything.
I kidded myself that it was okay and eventually he would stop.
I asked him where we were going and explained I just wanted to be official-he said he was worried by me saying that as I was being a bit too intense by asking that.
Then we went away for a break and had the best time-I thought this time we were going to make a go of it.
He said things like he wanted to be official -then slept with another woman and sent me a selfie of them both.
Obviously I was upset and sent him a long text explaining he was a joke,that he was hurting me etc -then I was scared to loose him so let it drop.
This repeated itself a few times and I would always apologise for getting upset.
This went on for 8 months.
In these 8 months we spoke daily all day etc

He then told me he was looking to date -and asked if I had any single friends.
He said he wouldn't date me as I get "too emotional " he said "I've been putting up with abuse from you for months and just been the bigger person and let it slide"
I tried explaining how he was treating me was the reason I was sending the long texts and getting upset.

He told me I should try learn from this so I don't abuse another man.
I'm not abusive- he broke my heart
I'm not abusive am I ?
There's so much more he did -but I would be here for days

I know right?! what a sick weirdo!

It's a red flag when you're not allowed to have a reaction.

He can be as insensitive as he chooses and command you not to have any reaction to that. Handy for him.

You are not going to get a happy ever after from this guy. He is manipulative and a cock. He obviously gets a kick out of tormenting women and playing with them

Block him and move on. It doesn’t matter if he blames you, just grey rock and don’t engage. You know you are worth more and that he is bat shit so just move on and get on with the rest of your life

He sounds like an emotionally abusive prick. I hope you do not give him any more of your time. Please look after yourself. Ignore and block him on everything!

And don't let him explain anything or meet up for closure or any of that BS- just never engage with him again!

Wow. I've read about some right pricks on here but I think he may be the worst! Any woman can do better than him!

You aren't abusive. He is and you need to drop him like a hot potato.

No more emotional and wordy texts. You're wasting your time and pissing into the wind.

Just send him one more message simply saying "You are dumped" and NOTHING else. Then block his number, and block him on all social media too.

Move on and don't look back. He is an arsewipe and always will be.

And also block his email.

He sounds like a classic narcissist.
read up on it. Lots of YouTube videos.
do not engage with him ever again.
He is vile.
He is abusive.
He is shitty to everyone.

I deleted him from everything
Facebook /Instagram/Snapchat
I'm dating (early days ) someone else

Absolute prick, ditch him and don't look back. His exs probably hit him in the past, its called reactive abuse. If he was treating them like hes treating you, I can imagine them flipping at some point or another and then he played the victim.

@Steelesauce I thought this.
I thought he's pushed and pushed them..then he plays victim.
He has fell out with friends too -obviously he wasn't to blame.

Ditch this a-hole and stay single for at least a year. Evaluate what you want in life and what behaviour is a deal breaker from a potential partner. You might spend longer than you want to single but nothing - NOTHING is worth compromising your values and principles.

What the fuck did I just read. He sounds EXTREMELY TOXIC. He has gas lighted you in a BIG way and turning it around on you. Complete controlling narcissistic scrot bag.

Brilliant! Well done you!

Now make sure you get familiar with these red flags, there are a lot more men out there like this than you’d think, and they can be a lot more subtle than that POS.

You don’t sound abusive.

You can’t really be mad at his behaviour though when he showed you who he was so early on and you accepted it and allowed it.

Sometimes we have to meet men like this so we make sure we never get treated poorly again.
I hope you’ve learned from this and as soon as you see a red flag you run!

Sounds like my ex husband. People actually stopped talking to me as he told everyone I was abusive. Total bollocks but had me questioning myself.

Funnily enough same people tried to come crawling back when he did similar to someone else ... they were as welcome back as he was 🤣

How did you let this go on for 8 months? he sounds like a joke and you surely can see that you deserve better

I don't understand why you'd let yourself be treated like this?

My mother has done that. Told all the relatives how abusive I was to her. Actual truth, I told her she hurt me and then wouldn't back down from that. I still stand firm in that interpretation. She is the real victim of the hurt she caused me.

The fact that my mother treats me like this means that all but the most recent bf were ARSEHOLES to me.

@Scianel it's been horrible,I thought he would change.
I know reading it back it sounds ridiculous.
He got crueler as the months went on

To answer your question no you're not abusive, of course not, but I'm genuinely shocked at how much crap you put up with for so long.

@redwhiteandbluee they don't change. I know it's hard, when you feel like you're in love with someone of course you cling on to hope but ultimately you just get more hurt. As hard as it is, if someone doesn't treat you with kindness and respect, walk away, it'll hurt less long-term if you rip the band-aid off, I promise.
You are worth so much more than that horrible man.

Yeh, go no contact now.

You know he's cruel but you're probably drawn to win his approval or prove him wrong about you're worth. Emotionally unhealthy people fall in to that groove and stay trapped there for years. (me, 7 years)

Emotionally healthy people can walk away not caring if the man thinks they're to blame, they're not good enough, they weren't ''worthy'' of being treated well. Emotionally healthy people don't stick around to argue it out. They just bail.

He said to me
I avoid relationships as they go bad-assuming he is the one who makes them bad