Page 2 | My dh was quite rude last night,

Wisteriabloom · 2022-07-21T16:01:21+00:00

I came in yesterday evening after being out with friends, had a great time. Dh was in the living room, asked me how it went, all fine. Then dd & her boyfriend appeared downstairs. Dd knows a couple of the friends I was out with, hasn't seen them for a while and asked how they were. As I answered, dh picked up his magazine & phone, and disappeared upstairs! Dd's boyfriend stayed another half hour or so, then I went up to bed and asked dh why he was in a 'mood'. He said he'd already had a run-down of my evening, didn't need to hear it twice and had dinner with dd & boyfriend earlier, so there was nothing new to say! Does anybody else feel he was being obviously dismissive of all of us? I do!

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 21/07/2022 18:59

That's not rude at all

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/07/2022 19:02

Did you ask him/them about their days/evenings it was it all about yours? Maybe he thought you were being rude or making a big deal of going out.

Maybe he was just tired. If you’re usually happy together I wouldn’t read loads into it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/07/2022 19:03

takeitandleaveit · 21/07/2022 18:11

He said he'd already had a run-down of my evening, didn't need to hear it twice and had dinner with dd & boyfriend earlier, so there was nothing new to say!

Oh dear. Well even if most people on the thread can't see it @Wisteriabloom I can.

He seems to have a touch of 'Boss Speaking to Underlings Syndrome' creeping in there, doesn't he? He's obviously far too important to want to be bothered by such trivial chit-chat.

Must be exhausting to live like this.

Sparkletastic · 21/07/2022 19:04

Nope

EmmaH2022 · 21/07/2022 19:07

I'm fine with it

he probably just wanted some quiet and he had heard your update already.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 21/07/2022 19:08

I really can't see how he was rude.

He's right. He'd already heard about your evening and spent time with DD and her boyfriend - why does he need to sit there and hear the same thing twice in his own home?

Bonkers. I swear people on here get more and more easily offended by the day.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 21/07/2022 19:09

takeitandleaveit · 21/07/2022 18:11

He said he'd already had a run-down of my evening, didn't need to hear it twice and had dinner with dd & boyfriend earlier, so there was nothing new to say!

Oh dear. Well even if most people on the thread can't see it @Wisteriabloom I can.

He seems to have a touch of 'Boss Speaking to Underlings Syndrome' creeping in there, doesn't he? He's obviously far too important to want to be bothered by such trivial chit-chat.

Good lord.

He'd heard it already! Why does he have to sit through it again?

Vallmo47 · 21/07/2022 19:14

I honestly wouldn’t bat an eyelid OP… he asked you how your night was and when you repeated the same story he did his own thing for a bit. If this is his worst crime to you then he’s a very good man.

925XX · 21/07/2022 19:43

I don't blame him, he had already heard it all.

Original poster

Wisteriabloom · 22/07/2022 13:58

For context, in answer to some questions - No, I didn't make a 'big thing' of going out, and dh didn't mind me going out at all! We both have evenings out quite regularly, so no big deal.

And neither of us 'have to' listen to a summary of each other's time with friends/hobbies etc, but when you're in a relationship, surely there's a natural interest? Ok, he did ask about my night, but for example, we went away for the weekend recently with two other couples, and some of the convo, yes I'd heard before. Either from dh, or from my friend, before her dh started a similar conversation, not realizing I'd already hear it. Not once did I say 'I know, I've already had that convo with X' or walked off as there was nothing 'new' to say or hear. That would just be rude and dismissive, surely!!

OP posts:

StrangeCondition · 22/07/2022 14:02

Couldn't get worked up about that, don't think it's rude at all. I'd have been more annoyed with you asking him why he was in a mood when nothing he did suggested he was

Whatsmynameagainplease · 22/07/2022 14:04

I think that's a different situation to the one where you are with other couples. He probably just felt comfortable that he could do what he is comfortable with doing in his own home.

Damnautocorrect · 22/07/2022 14:06

was he just done with people and want peace and quiet?

WeDoNotTalktoPennilynLott · 22/07/2022 14:10

He already listened once. Tbh my partner wouldn't have even listened the first time never mind a second

coffeecupsandfairylights · 22/07/2022 14:28

Wisteriabloom · 22/07/2022 13:58

For context, in answer to some questions - No, I didn't make a 'big thing' of going out, and dh didn't mind me going out at all! We both have evenings out quite regularly, so no big deal.

And neither of us 'have to' listen to a summary of each other's time with friends/hobbies etc, but when you're in a relationship, surely there's a natural interest? Ok, he did ask about my night, but for example, we went away for the weekend recently with two other couples, and some of the convo, yes I'd heard before. Either from dh, or from my friend, before her dh started a similar conversation, not realizing I'd already hear it. Not once did I say 'I know, I've already had that convo with X' or walked off as there was nothing 'new' to say or hear. That would just be rude and dismissive, surely!!

I don't think that's a fair comparison - people behave differently at home with their closest family compared to how they behave with friends out in public.

It's a bit daft to expect him to sit through the same story a second time, really. Who would it actually benefit? Not him, as he'd already heard it. Not you, as you were really explaining it to DD and her boyfriend, and I doubt it made the slightest bit of difference to DD whether her dad was in the room or not, and I doubt the boyfriend cared either way.

Equally if I was out with DH and another couple and he repeated something I'd already said, I'd probably mention it - just to save my friends from hearing the same story twice, and he'd do the same to me.

StressfulBedtimes · 22/07/2022 14:32

Wow what a non event

Your husband left a room, in his house, where he lives, you stayed in the room, is he required to be within 10 feet of you at all times?

TedMullins · 22/07/2022 14:36

Wisteriabloom · 22/07/2022 13:58

For context, in answer to some questions - No, I didn't make a 'big thing' of going out, and dh didn't mind me going out at all! We both have evenings out quite regularly, so no big deal.

And neither of us 'have to' listen to a summary of each other's time with friends/hobbies etc, but when you're in a relationship, surely there's a natural interest? Ok, he did ask about my night, but for example, we went away for the weekend recently with two other couples, and some of the convo, yes I'd heard before. Either from dh, or from my friend, before her dh started a similar conversation, not realizing I'd already hear it. Not once did I say 'I know, I've already had that convo with X' or walked off as there was nothing 'new' to say or hear. That would just be rude and dismissive, surely!!

Disagree, I think it’s absolutely fine to say “oh I know, X told me earlier so I’ll leave you guys to it”. I don’t feel the need to glue myself to other people at all times so as not to appear rude (even though he wasn’t rude and it wouldn’t have been rude if you did that on your holiday)

Sartre · 22/07/2022 14:39

That really doesn’t sound rude at all…

Ursula82 · 23/01/2023 10:16

Seriously OP

Get some perspective

what’s the worst case? He was tired, bit bored etc and went off. You could have gone to bed without pursuing and woken up… all good.

Instead you stew and navel gaze and start a thread canvassing opinion on the most banal of interactions

Ursula82 · 23/01/2023 10:19

Almost a year ago you posted a very very similar thread about your DH doing pretty much exactly the same thing!

www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4530394-Dh-was-really-dismissive-of-me-on-a-night-out-with-friends-this-week-Am-I-over-reacting

Cormick · 23/01/2023 10:23

I can't see why it was rude. Maybe he just wanted to go to bed and didn't think he needed to stay to hear it again. I would have probably done the same.

WandaWonder · 23/01/2023 10:25

I would have no issue

MrsSkylerWhite · 23/01/2023 10:26

No. Odd thing to pick up on 🤷‍♀️

shiningstar2 · 23/01/2023 10:29

Depends. If dd's bf is fairly new in family I would think it rude. If he is long term and 'as family' around the house I would have though DH was ok in going upstairs.

knittingaddict · 23/01/2023 10:30

In his own home with people who are close family members? Not even a little bit rude.