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Original poster

This is stupid, but how do you "break up" with a student?

62 replies

Onlyrainbows · 19/07/2022 15:04

I have this student who I've been teaching for almost 4 years now. She pays me £12.50 (I teach her languages) but it's reached the point where I don't think I can do much more for her, and the money I get is not worth my time. I tried to set her up with a friend, but my friend couldn't do it. I've tried to find her a replacement, but so far no joy. I genuinely just had enough, but I don't know how to "break up" with her in the kindest of ways

OP posts:
Ragwort · 19/07/2022 15:20

Just be blunt ... if you need to tell a white lie say you are looking for a full time job/have caring responsibilities or similar. Or suggest she needs a more advanced tutor?
We had a maths tutor for our DS & he told me, very politely, that he felt it wasn't appropriate for him to continue tutoring my DS any longer as he wasn't engaging with the lesson and the tutor felt he (my DS) just wasn't getting anywhere. It must have been excruciating for the tutor but he had to be professional about it.

catsonahottinroof · 19/07/2022 15:28

I have a few questions:

  1. Do you have any other students? If so, how much do you charge them?
  2. Is the reason you don't feel you can take her any further because she has reached her natural limit? Or because she is now at about the same level as you? Basically, you can tell her you are having to put your fees up, but then you have to decide how much you really want rid of her, and what is worth your time (would you do it for £40 an hour?). If you really no longer want to teach her, even if she paid £100 an hour, then you have to be honest, and just say you think you've taken her as far as you can. You might have to tell some white lies, such as you are so highly in demand and want to focus on the beginner students. Or tell her you are giving up tutoring, (obviously only works if you are not on a tutoring platform).
Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 19/07/2022 15:28

Yeah I more or less tried that, but it didn't work out... But I went around the bushed and just said that my friend will help her for now and I would help her out in the future once she's signed up for a test that she wants to present

OP posts:
aftonwater · 19/07/2022 15:33

Can you not send an email:

Dear x
It has been a pleasure working with you over the last few years, however my circumstances have now changed and I am no longer able to offer you tutoring. Our last session will be xxxx.

Best wishes,
Onlyrainbows

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 19/07/2022 15:36

No I don't have any other students, but I have a very demanding day job that pays triple her rate.

OP posts:
Hillrunning · 19/07/2022 15:37

It's a business arrangement. Jsut tell her the truth:
We have reached a point where I can't do anything more for you and so ro continue taking your money would not be appropriate. It has been a pleasure and I wish you well in your test.

UnreasonableSheep · 19/07/2022 15:38

Do it by email or text if you can and then you've got time to respond rather than being put on the spot. I'd send what aftonwater said and just repeat that over and over and then don't show up to any more lessons beyond the finish date. If she comes to your place make sure you're out when she calls round.

UnreasonableSheep · 19/07/2022 15:39

Onlyrainbows · 19/07/2022 15:36

No I don't have any other students, but I have a very demanding day job that pays triple her rate.

That's even easier then! Just say "sorry, I've decided not to do tutoring anymore".

Sgtmajormummy · 19/07/2022 15:42

Use September and the new school year as an excuse to say you’re looking into a new project that will take up a lot of your time.
Sometimes having a weekly lesson becomes like an emotional crutch or safeguard to be sure they’ll pass the exam, especially for parents. So you can say you need to make a clean break for their sake.

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 19/07/2022 15:42

It's all online! But I feel bad as it's been almost 4 years I feel like I can't ghost her (or give her a shitty excuse).

OP posts:
OverlySensitive · 19/07/2022 15:42

I'd just blame it on your increased workload. It's not a lie. I think you'll find that she might take it better than you think.

Dinoteeth · 19/07/2022 15:42

Hi Student, really sorry but I'm going to have to give up tutoring, my work is getting to busy struggling for time and I don't thinkni can take you much further.
I'll keep going to the end of August or suitable point to give you time to find someone else.

TBH I don't think she'll find anyone as cheap as £12.50, I pay double that for music lessons for my DS.

Carrieonmywaywardsun · 19/07/2022 15:45

Then don't give her a shitty excuse!
"Hi X, just to let you know I will be focusing on my career and stopping my tutoring this month. Our last session as scheduled is Y, in which I'll be happy to recommend other tutors and resources."

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 19/07/2022 15:54

I think I'm overthinking it because I always made myself sound like a proper tutor. Whereas in reality she was my first and only student. I've done enough translation throughout my professional life to know what I'm talking about (and have a languages degree) but always felt like a fraud in that sense.

OP posts:
fruitbrewhaha · 19/07/2022 15:59

Just tell her you will no longer be tutoring as you have another job. It's really not hard. You don't need to mail, just tell her next lesson and say the following week is the last. And make a plan for your time the week after so you cannot be temped to do just one more. Buy tickets for something.

roses2 · 19/07/2022 16:04

TBH I don't think she'll find anyone as cheap as £12.50, I pay double that for music lessons for my DS.

For an online language course I am pretty sure she can. I found many tutors in the £10-£12/hour mark on the Preply website (preply.com/). If they're online they can be anywhere in the world hence UK based tutors are competing with tutors who have lower cost of living.

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 19/07/2022 16:06

Yes I'm sure she can find someone in Spain doing it for much less (or at least the same amount).

OP posts:
Whataretheodds · 19/07/2022 16:16

Onlyrainbows · 19/07/2022 15:42

It's all online! But I feel bad as it's been almost 4 years I feel like I can't ghost her (or give her a shitty excuse).

You don't need to do either of those things! There are loads of good suggested wordings here.

goldfinchonthelawn · 19/07/2022 16:30

Tell them that you have taught her all that you can and it is your professional opinion that she would benefit from a new teacher with a fresh approach, so you won't be continuing the lessons in the new academic year.

If she insists, I would say that you haven't raised your fee in several years but the cost of living has increased and you have to be realistic. Your new clients now pay £25ph and you can;t afford to keep teaching, especially the time it takes to hunt for fresh material after so many years, using up all your existing lesson plans, so you would have to reset at the new price.

You are allowed to charge a fair going rate and £12.50 an hour for tutoring 1-2-1 isn't one!

L0bstersLass · 19/07/2022 16:37

fruitbrewhaha · 19/07/2022 15:59

Just tell her you will no longer be tutoring as you have another job. It's really not hard. You don't need to mail, just tell her next lesson and say the following week is the last. And make a plan for your time the week after so you cannot be temped to do just one more. Buy tickets for something.

This is good advice. Especially the bit about making arrangements for the week after you've stopped.

carefullycourageous · 19/07/2022 16:38

Onlyrainbows · 19/07/2022 15:42

It's all online! But I feel bad as it's been almost 4 years I feel like I can't ghost her (or give her a shitty excuse).

You are actually being quite weird about this. This is a professional relationship - so be professional. Give a reasonable notice period and just say 'I am not going to be able to tutor you after x date'.

dontgobaconmyheart · 19/07/2022 16:40

OP with respect I don't think any of it really matters, life will move on. It's a paid arrangement that has come to its end. All you need to do is give the student some notice and wish them the best.

Your imposter syndrome has no beating on that and making it personal is also not necessary, you aren't in a relationship. If she paid for the services for 4 years she was presumably happy with what you offered. Separate your feelings from the matter and notify her so you can focus on your full time job and more important things. A quick email such as those already suggested is more than adequate.

dontgobaconmyheart · 19/07/2022 16:40

*bearing

CoolAir · 19/07/2022 16:48

If she's your only student then that's easy. Just tell her, either in a session or by email, that you are giving up tutoring as you are too busy.
Preferably give her 2 or 3 weeks notice and state clearly the last lesson will be on X date.

And make sure you stick with the countdown, reminding her next week will be last lesson etc.

MMMarmite · 19/07/2022 16:56

You're massively overthinking this, it's just a professional relationship. Just give them a few weeks notice that you're no longer tutoring. If that seems hard, then I'd have a look for more underlying reasons you're finding this difficult.