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Original poster

This is stupid, but how do you "break up" with a student?

62 replies

Onlyrainbows · 19/07/2022 15:04

I have this student who I've been teaching for almost 4 years now. She pays me £12.50 (I teach her languages) but it's reached the point where I don't think I can do much more for her, and the money I get is not worth my time. I tried to set her up with a friend, but my friend couldn't do it. I've tried to find her a replacement, but so far no joy. I genuinely just had enough, but I don't know how to "break up" with her in the kindest of ways

OP posts:
Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 19/07/2022 16:57

Because I guess she almost feels like a friend of sorts?? And that's why I find it hard. Besides, I've already explained to her that I was done for the summer but she didn't get it :/

OP posts:
theclangersarecoming · 19/07/2022 16:59

Just say “Just to let you know, from X date I won’t be tutoring any more because my circumstances have changed/I’m pursuing other opportunities. It’s been a pleasure to teach you and I’ll be happy to arrange any final sessions before Y date.”

CoolAir · 19/07/2022 17:08

Onlyrainbows · 19/07/2022 16:57

Because I guess she almost feels like a friend of sorts?? And that's why I find it hard. Besides, I've already explained to her that I was done for the summer but she didn't get it :/

What do you mean she didn't get it???
Is she an adult? Which bit of I'm taking holiday for the next 6 weeks and I'll see you again on X date did she not get?

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 19/07/2022 17:18

Yes, she's like 50-60. Long story short I thought we had said our good-bye for now (on Saturday) and Sunday morning she emails me to tell me she won't be able to attend that lesson... It was all in Spanish so she obviously didn't understand.

OP posts:
SingingInParadise · 19/07/2022 17:31

You have a business arrangement. You need to treat it as such.

Just tell her that unfortunately you are stopping tutoring. Use whatever language she understand best. Make it very straight forward so there is no possible confusion.
Then step back. If she contacts you again (!!) just reiterate you can’t carry on. No other talk, trying to make it better for you or you feeling guilty about it.

Fwiw, having closed a business like this (and letting down ‘old client’), if they feel that you are feeling unsure, guilty etc…. Clients will push and ask for more. Like acting as if they didn’t understand. Stay professional but do not engage and repeat what you have said. She will get the message.

DelphiniumBlue · 19/07/2022 17:54

You can just say that the pressures of your day job mean that you can no longer continue teaching her.

treesandweeds · 19/07/2022 18:41

Why do you keep making excuses?! Tell her the reason, you don't want to do it anymore, give her a final date and then don't log on again! She's not going to turn up at your house!
What's the alternative! You carry on forever?! Just use the wording that someone suggested, say goodbye on your last lesson and never log in again! What so hard?!!

MMMarmite · 20/07/2022 07:30

If you'd like to keep her as a friend, say that you're quitting tutoring, but you've really enjoyed getting to know her, and you'd be happy to stay in touch as friends if she wants that. But think first about how that friendship would work, don't just end up having free tutoring sessions.

If she hasn't "got it", tell her in English if necessary.

KeyboardWarriorsUnite · 20/07/2022 07:38

I think you are making this much more personal than it is. If you had twenty students and you were closing the business, you would probably just send one email to everyone, and not think twice about it.

Pretend like that's what's happening. Write the email you would send out to all your tutees, and send that.

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 20/07/2022 08:43

Finding a replacement has been harder than I thought. I've had some interest but they all want to do it online and in reality it has to be in situ. I know I have to reply to her latest email with "I'm sorry if I wasn't clear enough"

OP posts:
KeyboardWarriorsUnite · 20/07/2022 08:58

Onlyrainbows · 20/07/2022 08:43

Finding a replacement has been harder than I thought. I've had some interest but they all want to do it online and in reality it has to be in situ. I know I have to reply to her latest email with "I'm sorry if I wasn't clear enough"

I'm really confused. Earlier in the thread you said 'it's all online' - which I thought was in response to someone saying something about the tutee coming to your house. Now you say it has to be in situ?

CoolAir · 20/07/2022 09:01

@Onlyrainbows I know you look on her now as a friend but she pays you so it's a business arrangement really.
its not up to you to find a replacement tutor.

As you've previously been advised you tell her you're giving up tutoring as now too busy with other commitments and your last session will be X date.
Send it in her own language so there's no confusion. Wish her well in finding someone to take her on to the next stage.
Any queries from her keep referring to date of last session as you are then giving up tutoring.
Job done.

123rd · 20/07/2022 09:01

Why are you the one trying to find a replacement ?

Kimwexlerr · 20/07/2022 09:05

I pay my cleaner more than that! No idea why you’re charging so little for a professional job. Not the point I know. Just say you’re stopping tutoring, job done. It happens all the time.

EntertainingandFactual · 20/07/2022 09:06

Are you communicating with her in her own language?

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 20/07/2022 09:22

No, I only communicate with her in Spanish because she should be able to understand me (clearly not). I teach her online, but she needs someone offline if she wants to take her Spanish to the next level as she's a bit lazy and inconsistent (at times). I thought of finding her a replacement because I felt I was letting her down.

OP posts:
EntertainingandFactual · 20/07/2022 09:29

Onlyrainbows · 20/07/2022 09:22

No, I only communicate with her in Spanish because she should be able to understand me (clearly not). I teach her online, but she needs someone offline if she wants to take her Spanish to the next level as she's a bit lazy and inconsistent (at times). I thought of finding her a replacement because I felt I was letting her down.

You need to communicate with her in her own language then!
She’s obviously not understanding despite all of the tuition!

TartoCitronella · 20/07/2022 09:34

Well there's your get-out: she needs someone offline to improve from where she is now and you're not able to offer that. It's been lovely working with her but there's nothing more you can teach her and sadly your lessons have come to an end.
Do you know some in-person language schools / classes / tutors you can recommend to her?
And yes, if you can communicate that to her in whatever her first language is that would ensure there's no more confusion!

BIWI · 20/07/2022 09:40

Your mistake here is treating this as a personal relationship rather than a business one.

You have no obligation to teach her, and you certainly don't have any obligation to find her a replacement!

Just tell her the truth. That your workload is increasingly demanding and so you're giving up tutoring. And tell her in English so you know that she understands.

But otherwise, stop being a wet lettuce!

Ohthatsexciting · 20/07/2022 09:42

Onlyrainbows · 20/07/2022 08:43

Finding a replacement has been harder than I thought. I've had some interest but they all want to do it online and in reality it has to be in situ. I know I have to reply to her latest email with "I'm sorry if I wasn't clear enough"

Not your responsibility

in the time you have invested in this thread, you have dropped her a line to say you will be able to do next 2 sessions but due to other commitments, you are unable to continue the lessons.

Honeyroar · 20/07/2022 09:44

Communicate in her first language. Be polite but firm. It’s quite natural that sometimes things like this come to an end. There are loads of people out there teaching Spanish, she can find her own replacement if she wants to continue.

girlmom21 · 20/07/2022 09:57

Just tell her the truth - that you've taught her as much as you can and she needs face-to-face lessons which you can't provide

riotlady · 20/07/2022 10:11

You don’t need to find her a replacement! That’s not how it works.

Imagine you were employing a cleaner for 4 years, and she found another job and was stopping cleaning. Would you be offended if she told you that? Would you think it was her responsibility to find you another cleaner? No!!

SleepingStandingUp · 20/07/2022 10:17

In her first language:

Hi Mirabella,

I am sorry but I need to cease our lessons with effect from X. I feel I've brought you as far as I can and I recommend now face to face sessions if you want or continue to progress. I've enjoyed our time together and wish you look with your future studies.

Miranda.

SweatyAndGrumpy · 20/07/2022 10:17

Honestly OP, you sound like you are making this way more complicated than it needs to be.

Tell her, in her own language, that you cannot give her any more lessons. It's not a bullshit excuse to say your other work has gotten too busy and you can't take her any futher than she is now. No need for you to find a replacement at all.

If you feel bad about the 4 years then tell her face to face (I personally would). But tell her and tell her straight. No vagueries such as "maybe" or "probably not" etc. Just be direct and say you are not going to continue with these lessons.

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