Are women over the age of 35 made to feel ‘past it’?

[Sussex34]

Since I turned 35 I feel as though everything I see on the internet / TV is designed to make women over this age feel old. Whether it’s really subliminal in memes on instagram or the way women are described in the media, it’s like 35 is the cut off for where you’re suddenly on a downhill trajectory.

I am lucky to be surrounded by amazing older women in my life - my mum is 70 and acts and looks like she’s in her late 50s, and I just don’t agree with this notion! I still feel really young in myself, but social media has made me start obsessing over time passing really quickly and getting older. Does anyone else feel the same? Is the only option to delete social media?!

WTAF?

I'm 35 and don't recognise this at all - if I'm being told I'm past it then I seem to be blocking the messages out with ease! As a pp said I think the social media you consume is part of this - I don't have Instagram or TikTok, and I often don't relate to messages that other people feel are 'everywhere' due to this (for instance I can honestly say that I never noticed any pressure for a 'natural' birth, but a lot of people say this is huge). But it must also be, perhaps in bigger part, about your immediate social context. I'm one of the youngest people at my level at work and I had my children at the young end of average for where I live so at nursery pick-ups or social events the other parents are normally my age or a bit older than me (especially the dads). I don't go to clubs and tend to choose quiet pubs now so I just don't often find myself in situations where I'm surrounded by hordes of 20-somethings to make me feel old!

I think the key here is not looking trendy. I certainly don’t look trendy. I am told I have a “look” but who the hell knows what it is. I don’t wear anything fashionable, I have statement pieces. Maybe a kind of aging grunger look I suppose, I’d not go near anything a 20 year old would wear, nor something aimed at 60 year olds. I think even if I did wear something for an older person, I’d buy an oversized version and wear it with ripped jeans or something.

Think Su Pollard meets Marianne Faithful and I think you’ve got me. Neither of them are past it, no way.

look at the amazing older women we have to learn from and who gives a flying shit if you are trendy or not. I a huge consumer of Instagram also, I use it for campaigning and my hobbies. It’s all about finding the right accounts.

I worked in a young industry, and can’t get back in now. I’m told it’s because I’m not a digital native. Mind you I was told this by a man my age who then explained what a gif was.🙄and then how brilliant he was ffs.

No, this is not my experience at all. I’m 48 and definitely not ‘past it’

You don’t have to get off social media but maybe pick who you follow more carefully? I only follow people on Insta who post lovely photos of plants / gardens / wildlife and quickly unfollow any who post too many selfies or any aspirational lifestyle crap.
Twitter is a bit tricky as it’s useful for being well informed but also the state of the world is depressing! My Facebook feed is photos of friends’ kids / holidays and people sharing news articles about how crap the government is. Nowhere do I see stuff about 35 year olds being past it.

Change the media you watch/listen to.

I'm 59 and have honestly never felt that. I keep myself fit and healthy, and am still treated exactly the same at work, at my sports clubs and by everyone I know.

But I don't waste my time or headspace looking at Insta memes.

I don’t recognise this either. I divorced at 50 and had a new lease of life. My friends and colleagues are getting older with me and they are all fun and vibrant and look great.

I will say there is definitely ageism in the workplace however.

I'm not on social media. I have noticed that now I'm older I get more respect in my career.

I am more confident in day to day life that I know my own mind and have experience to back up my decisions.

I am more financially secure.

I see young attractive people and feel glad for them. I see people older than me and i attempt to learn from them so its not a shock if i end up in the same place (e.g. i could be dealing with elderly parents or thinking about retirement options one day or my kids will leave home etc). We are all on the same journey at different points in our lives. It would be a mistake to view people as lesser, based on age or looks.

I don't waste time feeling "old" when still relatively young. Every decade has its advantage.

I definitely think having your own look helps. I like vintage clothing and that's just how I dress, it's not young or old as such. I think some people aren't sure how to style themselves, they try too hard to look young or end up on the frumpy side.

I'm late 30's and I know what you mean.

It's absolutely ridiculous when you think about it. We're supposed to be celebrating age more than ever, but when you still have stupid adverts like that caffeine shampoo ad, where the woman bloody whispers ".....over 40" as though it's embarrassing or shameful to be in thar category.

Can't express how much I detest that advert 😖

Like @Hardbackwriter Im 35 and haven’t felt this at all and think it’s mainly about your own social context. I have young kids and had them at the younger end of the spectrum compared to friends/peers (first child at 31 but my friends mostly had theirs at 34/35 and my NCT group was all 35+) so I actually feel young. Similarly at work Im
on the youngish end and still relatively junior in my career so have a lot to play for. I do feel exhausted with the kids and have got some grey hairs for tue first time but definitely still think of myself as young and not past it yet!

I avoid 90% of social media and rarely watch TV so largely avoid those messages.

Ridiculous advert!