What makes someone likeable?

[UnagiForLife]

I like to think I’m a nice person, friendly and kind, but it takes people ages to warm to me and I don’t make friends easily. So I’m wondering, what makes someone likeable? Thinking about someone you met and just instantly warmed to, what gave them that quality?

For me, candidness. Nothing worse than somebody who you feel is just going through the social niceties when they speak to you, or does talking tennis. Just somebody who is natural, open and isn’t easily offended.

Good soh
honest
good listener

Well evidence suggests that more attractive people are perceived as more likeable. More friendly more sexy more intelligent, you name it. Those guys have got it all!

Having genuine warmth. Feeling that they are interested in you as a person.

Vulnerability. We warm to people who aren't perfect.

Also the ability to listen

If someone shows interest or asks questions about what I'm interested in, then shares things in common.

And just being friendly and smiling.

Open, warm, kind and non judgmental. Someone who doesn't bitch and moan about everything/everyone.

Listen and ask questions, but volunteer some info about yourself too. Be slightly vulnerable/open, but don’t use the other person as a therapist or overshare.

Ask follow up questions as if you are genuinely interested in what people are saying. Remember the info and follow up next time (but not obsessively - don’t be stalkerish) “Oh Susan, did you get your new kitchen sorted in the end? How is it? Do you have pictures?” People like people who show a but but not too much interest.

Have some energy about you. People warm to people who are engaging and make them feel good. People who “brighten up the room”.

But it does depend on if you just want people to like you, or if you want genuine friendships. I do all of the above (and more) for work, where as part of the job I need to be seen as bright and bubbly and able to “work a room”, but my genuine friendships are with people who know I am actually a grumpy introvert.

I'm similar to you OP. But I also often find that the people I instantly warm to are not the ones I become genuinely good friends with. I'm not sure what that says about me, maybe I'm a poor judge of character, or maybe the people I really like aren't the ones who shine brightest but are the ones I can wear my holey slippers with and feel right at home with.

I relate to this. I don't have great people skills so fear I come across as awkward. My friends use to say I'm great once you get to know me.

I’m the same op, the more I get to know someone, the easier I chat. My most likeable people, as someone said above, are just natural, and don’t just go through the motions, they’re interested!

Soh
good listener
making others feel good about themselves means they will usually seek you out….

Good listener and genuinely interested. Remembers what you say.
Good sense of humour
Has interesting things to say or an interesting take on life
Curious about life and with a sense of adventure
Doesn’t bitch about other people and isn’t two faced
Dependable and loyal
Reliable and trustworthy
Honest and open

These are all really interesting, thank you for your replies. I like to think I have all the likeable qualities so I’m not sure why people seem to default to not liking me and I really have to work hard to get a rapport with people. I must be doing something wrong.

Nobody has mentioned confidence as a likeable quality but to me it seems to me that confident people make friends easily, whether or not they’re actually nice people.

Definitely confidence. As long as it’s not morphed into arrogance. I like funny, self-deprecating people who remember stuff about you & ask questions. So many people don’t even ask how you are & talk about themselves the whole time.

Being cheerful! So many people try to connect with others by moaning about something but being more positive works better.
This is more specific, and I don't know if anyone agrees, but 'outdoorsy' people always seem so likeable! I think they generally have a more positive energy.

I know it sounds a bit weird but I like people who talk about themselves - I can’t stand overly reciprocal conversations which doesn’t ‘flow’ because they’re making sure they’re ‘getting their question in’ every couple of minutes. Agree about the self deprecation.

Arrogance and self importance are two traits that I absolutely deplore.
Agree about confidence. People who have low self esteem give off something that seems to make others treat them badly and wirh disregard. Which perpetuates the problem.

I'm very sociable, it's a large part of my job & I can & do make conversation with people from all walks of life.

I'm 100% fine going to an event or party where I don't know people & striking up conversation.

My main tip is don't make it really personal in the early stages. I don't ask people tons of questions about themselves but usually make conversation about the event we're at or something more neutral

I often see advice doled out to ask people questions as they love talking about themselves but I absolutely HATE feeling like I'm being interrogated by someone whose just filling in time.

Be interesting, read, read, read. Confidence is huge. Don't moan or bitch
I never talk about people other than in positive terms. It's not that hard yet it's surprising how many people get it wrong

People who are comfortable and confident with who they are.

I know 'nice' people who no one warms to and bitchy people who are very popular. It can be because the niceness seems like a social mask and you never get to know who's underneath so it makes people uyncertain who they are dealing with. At least with a bitchy person, they are being honest about their failings and you know where you stand.

I also think people are wary of people whose niceness is transactional: the 'I picked up your kids from school on Tuesday so I'm upset you didn't invite me to your BBQ' sort of approach to life. I used to be very guilty of that simply because I was lonely and did a lot of favours hoping it would make people like me and want to know me. It didn't. When I made genuine friends I stopped caring and ironically got more social invites from people when I stopped doing favours!

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I totally agree with this. Peope either feel interrogated, or you get trapped with egocentric bores who go on and on about themselves but ask nothing about you in return. Way better to be interested in the world around you and then you end up meeting people who are also engaged with the world.

Basic warmth, confidence, kindness, soh. I don't like perpetual victims or arrogant people. I'm friendly generally but many people aren't by the time they're adults, they're more wary.

Avoid anyone who lovebombs you. At best they're needy; at worst they're seeing you'll be open to manipulation and exploitation.

I am similar in that I find it hard to make friends and people don't easily warm to me. I am shy and an introverted person. I am caring though and will be friendly if I'm talking someone but I find it hard to be interested in small talk with people I don't know very well. Most people don't get to know the real me as I have a wall up and only feel comfortable around people once I get to know and like them. This probably makes me look a bitch.
It doesn't mean you're not a good person. From personal experience, those who appear over the top friendly have been the ones who spread gossip and can be two faced. I'm not saying all friendly people are like this. I mean the ones who you see who seem to know everyone and involve themselves in everything.