Dropping to part time, giving up amazing job (on paper) due to mental health

[Nocturness]

I’ve got a well paid professional type job but also struggling with mental health and anxiety. I’ve been there 12 years and constantly get looked over for any progression. Now somebody who has been there just two years has been promoted into the role I’ve been so desperately aiming for. My boss said it’s because I’m mentally unstable and I don’t think she will ever change her opinion of me.

I have been suffering from mental health and anxiety which I told them, mainly due to stress, impossible workload and low level workplace bullying which has been getting to me - lots of office politics which I hate. I haven’t had a single day off sick in the 12 years I’ve worked there. Not one. I’ve also not been promoted and numerous opportunities I’ve been promised haven’t transpired.

I’m exhausted. I love my job but I come home and cry about it most evenings.

I’ve been offered a new role but it’s part time. 2.5 days a week. I’ll still be earning above the U.K. average but it’s a £40k drop in salary (same salary actually just half the time if that makes sense, so I currently earn £80k and will drop to £40k).

I don’t know that it will be less stress or a nicer environment but it will be a change.

I have two primary age children I never get to spend time with outside of weekends, or do play dates with etc. I’m so tired all the time, just mentally exhausted.

It just feels bonkers to drop so much money when the cost of living is so high. DH works full time but earns a lot less than me, but says we can make it work. We’d have to sacrifice what we do for holidays mostly, which I enjoy, but is 10 days of long haul travel a year really worth the cost to my mental health (we’d have to cut back what goes into savings too, and my pension would suffer).

I don’t know what to do…

Do it

Totally baffled

you cry after work
My boss said it’s because I’m mentally unstable
you have never progressed in 12 years

It doesn’t look like you are happy there and it doesn’t look like they are happy you are there

Presumably you applied for the other role?

Is this new role with the same company? Because if so, I think you are being managed out. Zero progression in 12yrs = being managed out. Offering to cut your hours by 50%= next step in trying to get you to resign.

I don’t know how you can love your job when they are so obviously treating you like shit and are the cause of your stress and MH struggles.

I think a new job at a new company perhaps with fewer hours is a great idea for your work-life balance and to recover from your current employer. But if this role is with your current employer DO NOT TAKE IT. Do a CV and start looking for a better job.

Why have you done to improve your MH ?

Do it!

Fill the rest of your time with things that give you joy, whether that's exercise, volunteering or even picking up extra locum shifts on your own terms. I suspect a lot of your anxiety symptoms may improve when you leave your current environment and you'll be able to see it's not necessarily a problem with you but the situation you've found yourself.

I have been there and even though my new job is challenging, I nolonger feel trapped in a stressful situation that I had no power to change, gaslighted that the problem was me.

If you can afford it, do it.

Meanwhile, sue your boss for saying you missed out on promotion for being “mentally unstable”- WTF?

If this is the same company, don't take the new job. I also think they are managing you out and I don't think it will be that much of a better job. You haven't said it's even a job you really want, it's not as if it's your dream job. It is just a different job for half the money with the same awful company.

Look for a new job but somewhere else. This company do not sound like somewhere you want to stay. Do your cv today.

Oh and take a week off sick!

Completely different company. Yes I applied for it. A niche area.

I’m on antidepressants and have had counselling / CBT. It hasn’t helped much.

Seems like a no brained. Go for it.

*brainer

Not sure why you’ve decided it’s between these two choices. Leaving your current role for one that works for you sounds the only option, but there will be more than one other role you could look at, without such a significant drop in income.

I will add it’s hard to progress as I’m top of my area, but there are opportunities I’d have liked that I didn’t get, even though it was implied that I would have the chance. It just never transpires. The promotion was only the second time a more senior role has come up in the company in 12 years.

They haven’t tried to manage me out. They gave me a pay rise recently and said it was to ensure they retained me in the face of rising cost of living. I’d feel bad leaving after they did that, but it doesn’t change all the other circumstances. I’m exhausted by my work load, pressure and stress, but when I raise it I’m told I need to just get on with it. 80 hour weeks aren’t uncommon.

I'm in a niche area and roles that are a good match don’t come up often.

It doesn't sound to me that your current role or company really do suit you very well - you're getting stressed and miserable and aren't being valued. I'm guessing you may have stayed longer than you probably should have done because it's well paid and you're nervous of change. But a half time job on a good (FTE) salary sounds wonderful! I'd take it and consider the extra leisure time well worth some cheaper holidays. Is it likely they'd increase your hours in the future if you wanted? Will you save any money in childcare by being part time? Remember that £40k gross is a lot more than half of £80k gross as you pay more tax on the higher earrings. You might also become eligible for child benefit (depending what your other half earns)

Go!
It sounds like your current situation has worn you down and broken your confidence. All the more reason to go

Absolutely go for it! Think your whole family life will improve massively if you’re not stressed to the eyeballs and crying after work!

I’d do it in a heartbeat. I do 3 days for half that amount! £40k is still plenty above the UK average wage, and you can’t put a price on having all that lovely free time – and mental stability and happiness.

Reframe it: if you stayed, you’d be being paid £40k to be desperately unhappy.

CBT and antidepressants won’t cure your depression and anxiety if you’re not making practical changes to your life ie getting rid of the things that make you unhappy (from personal experience). Was it just your job that made you unhappy/stressed or is there anything else?

I earn less than £40k working FULL time. You honestly can’t complain at earning £40k PART time 0.5.

You have to get out of an environment that is making you cry every night.

And getting away might make you less 'mentally unstable' (!!?? - what a thing to say).

Once you're established in your new job, might there be an option to go full time at a later date? If not, there will undoubtedly be other opportunities in a few years, you can decide again then.

Do it.

Is there scope to do more (paid) hours in the new job?

Do it. Take the time you'll have from working PT to do things you enjoy, spend time with your family. You may well find that a different workplace has different opportunities, training etc.

life is too short - take the other time if you can afford it and spend time working to restore your mental well-being and enjoy a work life balance

Great, a different company is what you need. Go for it. 😀

You sound completely burnt out. I would got for the 2.5 day a week job. If you continue in your current role you could completely mentally collapse. Are you able to take 2 weeks or more off between jobs just so you can have a rest.