Dropping to part time, giving up amazing job (on paper) due to mental health

[Nocturness]

I’ve got a well paid professional type job but also struggling with mental health and anxiety. I’ve been there 12 years and constantly get looked over for any progression. Now somebody who has been there just two years has been promoted into the role I’ve been so desperately aiming for. My boss said it’s because I’m mentally unstable and I don’t think she will ever change her opinion of me.

I have been suffering from mental health and anxiety which I told them, mainly due to stress, impossible workload and low level workplace bullying which has been getting to me - lots of office politics which I hate. I haven’t had a single day off sick in the 12 years I’ve worked there. Not one. I’ve also not been promoted and numerous opportunities I’ve been promised haven’t transpired.

I’m exhausted. I love my job but I come home and cry about it most evenings.

I’ve been offered a new role but it’s part time. 2.5 days a week. I’ll still be earning above the U.K. average but it’s a £40k drop in salary (same salary actually just half the time if that makes sense, so I currently earn £80k and will drop to £40k).

I don’t know that it will be less stress or a nicer environment but it will be a change.

I have two primary age children I never get to spend time with outside of weekends, or do play dates with etc. I’m so tired all the time, just mentally exhausted.

It just feels bonkers to drop so much money when the cost of living is so high. DH works full time but earns a lot less than me, but says we can make it work. We’d have to sacrifice what we do for holidays mostly, which I enjoy, but is 10 days of long haul travel a year really worth the cost to my mental health (we’d have to cut back what goes into savings too, and my pension would suffer).

I don’t know what to do…

Is there an option for your DH going pt to relieve the load as he earns so much less ?

Anyway if that's not an option, I'd say go for the pt job. You'll still be earning a decent salary and presumably the role will be ok on your CV if you do decide to increase hours in later years.

Holidays are great, but they're fabulous even if you don't have loads to spend. It's the getting the break from work and spending time together that matters the most. I used to want 5 star all the way, but then looked at our pensions so now we do self catering instead.

Definitely go for part time and give yourself a break .
Also consider why you say you love your job when you cry every night ?
You’re burnt out and don’t know what happiness feels like anymore.
Please do this for yourself and your family.

Good luck and take care of yourself.

They have said there is scope for the tile to develop into full time within a few years, that is very much their plan. You are right, I will get CB now (I have a 10 and 5 year old). DH is on £35k full time. Childcare costs will reduce slightly and we’d have to let go of our cleaner too but she is looking to move out the area to be closer to her family so we’d have lost her and been looking for a new one.

I just feel a bit of a failure if that makes sense, not progressing and then dropping to part time. I only took 3 months mat leave with both children as I was so determined to push my career forward. Within those 3 months I was doing weekly KIT days from week 3 too. I’ve tried so hard and failed.

You haven’t failed. Your company has no opportunities for further growth for you so you’re moving on. Reframe your internal narrative.

I’d ask for 3 days at the new company - taking you to £48K. I’d tell them that in your considerable experience you don’t believe they’ll get the outcome they hope in 2.5 days. Push for the extra 0.5 day now, before you start.