My autistic son almost drowned today

ASDmum28 · 2022-07-15T16:48:56+00:00

I need to get it out somewhere, I'm quite shaken up. Do you mind if I offload here? I've NC. Today we went paddling in the shallow part of a small river where the water was only knee high on the kids and i didnt take my eyes off him for a second. We've been there a handful of times before and never had any issues so I naively thought we'd be fine. After paddling, when we left the water and I was cleaning DD up, DS made a beeline for the edge of a deeper part and was poking a stick in the water. He he lost his balance and fell in. It happened so quickly. My friend (a new mum friend who I've only met three times!) was lightning fast and was at the water edge in the blink of an eye. She managed to grab him under the water and pull him back up. I shot over and helped her pull him out and I'll never forget the look on his face as he came up. The terror in his eyes will stay with me for the rest of my life 😥 He can't swim. Hasn't had any lessons. I'm looking into lessons right now as I never want to experience that again. I'm gutted.

Abra1d1 · 15/07/2022 17:53

You poor thing. Try not to let it get to you. Accidents happen quickly and suddenly.

serenghetti2011 · 15/07/2022 17:53

That is so scary op, I’m glad he’s ok. Your friends reactions sound amazing. Keep a close eye on him now though and if you have any worries get him checked out. My autistic son can’t swim either, refuses to go to lessons as they are made to put faces in water etc it’s a struggle!! Some okie to one and teaching him water safety def a good thing for me it’s the getting him there. Hope all is ok now and you’re ok,

NeverDropYourMooncup · 15/07/2022 17:55

Have a cool drink and sit down.

He didn't nearly drown. He fell in the water and was pulled out immediately.

That doesn't mean it wasn't frightening for you - but he didn't almost drown. If you'd have been away with the fairies and not paying attention and the other Mum hadn't bothered, perhaps, but that wasn't the case.

54isanopendoor · 15/07/2022 18:00

WELL DONE for paying such close attention & reacting so quickly !!!

Accidents happen incredibly quickly & you've both had a fright.
Look into swim lessons if possible
My two are Autistic so I know lessons can be a huge struggle.
I remember my Dd going down under the water & not coming back up again & the FEAR. That's after lessons & a lifeguard Pool (too crowded & they didn't see) She just went DOWN. Stayed with me for a long time. But, much longer for me than her I think. Your boy may be the same I hope x

Hug him extra tight tonight. You did a good job. He is ok.

Original poster

ASDmum28 · 15/07/2022 18:00

Thank you for talking to me

She literally saved his life didn't she? I couldn't thank her enough, I dread to think what could have happened if she wasn't as quick as she was. We would have had to jump in and try to find him under the water and every second counts 😭

I have no idea just how deep that part is as we haven't attempted to go into it but he was completely submerged and we couldn't see the bottom.

He's fine now and was back to his usual self after 5 or 10 minutes once he had calmed down. I'll definitely be keeping a close eye on him.

DH is sleeping ahead of a night shift and I've had to force myself not to wake him up just so I could get it off my chest. I didn't want to be a blubbering mess infront of Jane (not her name) so just had to get it out somewhere.

OP posts:

Original poster

ASDmum28 · 15/07/2022 18:01

NeverDropYourMooncup · 15/07/2022 17:55

Have a cool drink and sit down.

He didn't nearly drown. He fell in the water and was pulled out immediately.

That doesn't mean it wasn't frightening for you - but he didn't almost drown. If you'd have been away with the fairies and not paying attention and the other Mum hadn't bothered, perhaps, but that wasn't the case.

I probably needed to hear that. I couldn't stop thinking of the worst case scenario.

OP posts:

Discovereads · 15/07/2022 18:02

You’ve had a proper scare. But you didn’t do anything wrong because you and other adults were supervising the children. And so exactly what should happen when a child loses their balance and goes under happened. It’s very common really. It’s happened to 2 of my 4 DC and both times in swimming pools with lifeguards where I’ve jumped in and rescued them before the lifeguard even got to them.

EsmeeMerlin · 15/07/2022 18:11

You have had a scare but try and tell yourself all is fine now. He was pulled out immediately and accidents can happen in seconds. When I was around 8, I attended a party at a swimming pool and had to be saved by the lifeguard after going too deep and starting to go under. It's more common than you think.

doadeer · 15/07/2022 18:11

That's so scary for you. My son is autistic too and the number of terrifying incidents... It's horrendous.

You were watching him, you were with a friend who acted quickly. He went under briefly he wasn't drowning, I say this not to downplay but to reassure you were attentive and quick acting.

Try not to keep running on high alert from it. Your son is okay x

Spinzy · 15/07/2022 18:25

Don't be too hard on yourself. You did everything right. Accidents happen to everybody and are shocking and unexpected - that's why they're accidents.

I got hit in the head by a beach ball when I was in a swimming pool on a school trip. It briefly knocked me under the water and I breathed some in. I couldn't really swim. I remember very calmly just sinking underneath the water and not even trying to struggle. I could see someone coming towards me - it was my deputy head teacher who grabbed me and pulled me out. He got there way before a lifeguard could react. Seemed like I was under for ages but must have only been a few seconds. That was an unpredictable incident and I was fine because I was being closely supervised. Your son didn't come to any harm and was grabbed almost as soon as he went in. Try not to overthink it or feel guilty. These things happen and he hasn't come to any harm. And you'll be even more vigilant next time.

ChinBristles · 15/07/2022 18:39

Just to anyone else reading this thread - there's a thing called "dry drowning" so you should get checked out by a Dr even if the person seems ok. I learned about it on The Affair starring Dominic West!

RhubarbStrawberry · 15/07/2022 18:45

Well done to you both for rushing over so quickly. I remember when my eldest was a baby she choked on some gripe water and couldn't breath. I'd done a postnatal first aid course the day before and did what it said but it didn't work. I ran out the front to get a neighbour and dd managed to take a breath. I felt ill with the stress of it. Just telling you to reassure you many of us will have had a frightening experience like that. Glad all OK.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 15/07/2022 18:47

Rivers are inherently dangerous. They look so much prettier than a man made pool, it’s so nice being in nature….but they are not made for people, especially children and especially people who may not have the experience or speed of reaction to cope with the unexpected.

we used to live virtually on the banks of a river. There were signs everywhere telling people not to swim, not to paddle, but it looked so tempting , calm and shallow. Whenever it was hot, people would be playing about in the river, right next to the signs.
One year, two children died. They had stepped into the quicksand, couldn’t get their footing. No one could rescue them in time.

when I hear about the joys of wild swimming, I think about this event.

AhaLyn · 15/07/2022 18:53

@ASDmum28 I hope you are ok and glad your son is safe. It must have been really frightening. I agree with the pp above me, I’m a bit funny with rivers even when they look calm as I grew up near a similar sounding place.

HelloAllll · 15/07/2022 18:57

NeverDropYourMooncup · 15/07/2022 17:55

Have a cool drink and sit down.

He didn't nearly drown. He fell in the water and was pulled out immediately.

That doesn't mean it wasn't frightening for you - but he didn't almost drown. If you'd have been away with the fairies and not paying attention and the other Mum hadn't bothered, perhaps, but that wasn't the case.

This! and i think this incident highlights the importance of every child learning to swim as early as possible

IDreamOfTheMoors · 15/07/2022 19:01

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 15/07/2022 18:47

Rivers are inherently dangerous. They look so much prettier than a man made pool, it’s so nice being in nature….but they are not made for people, especially children and especially people who may not have the experience or speed of reaction to cope with the unexpected.

we used to live virtually on the banks of a river. There were signs everywhere telling people not to swim, not to paddle, but it looked so tempting , calm and shallow. Whenever it was hot, people would be playing about in the river, right next to the signs.
One year, two children died. They had stepped into the quicksand, couldn’t get their footing. No one could rescue them in time.

when I hear about the joys of wild swimming, I think about this event.

I live near a river.
There are signs everywhere, and every year when the weather warms there are warnings on tv to stay out.
And every year there are drownings, mostly of people who can’t swim.
It’s insanity.

Flederjo · 15/07/2022 19:01

How old is he @ASDmum28 ?

Definitely organize swimming lessons. All children should learn how to swim, it's such a life skill.

Original poster

ASDmum28 · 15/07/2022 19:05

Thanks for talking me down, I can get in such a tizzy where DS is concerned. With hindsight I should have wrote "could have" rather than "almost" drowned.

It's terrifying when they're young and vulnerable isn't it? He's 4 but verbally/emotionally/intellectually much younger. Zero sense of danger. I worry about him so much.

Coincidentally I suggested DH didn't take him paddling there with his older half siblings a few weeks ago as there was only DH to supervise and it made me feel a bit uneasy. I certainly didn't pre empt something like that happening given that there was two of us today.

I'm sorry some of you here have had frightening experiences like this and incidents of choking etc. It really shakes you up.

I hadn't heard of dry drowning before, I'll definitely remember that.

OP posts:

mineallmine · 15/07/2022 19:08

How terrifying, you poor thing, and your poor DS too. These things happen, you did nothing wrong and everything right. You'll all be fine in time but you need to give yourself time to get over the awful shock. Have a good stiff drink this evening when the children are in bed.

SpeckledlyHen · 15/07/2022 19:08

A similar thing happened to my friend. She was on holiday in a villa abroad with a pool. It was the first day and kids were inside with dad and she was sitting on a sun lounger reading her book for a bit. The pool did not have a fence round it (as most pools do now with an access gate). She suddenly heard a splash and a plop and realised her 2 year old had wobbled out and fell in the pool. The stuff of nightmares. She said her reflects went on instinct and she jumped in fully clothed and pulled her out. Very shaken up etc. Sadly, accidents do happen. This is not your fault and as others have said there were adults supervising that did the right thing.

Carrieonmywaywardsun · 15/07/2022 19:48

Please do look into water safety before you take him or any other children into wild water. Even in very shallow water children can drown but they can be taught survival skills from birth. A 4 year old with additional needs definitely shouldn't be in wild water with no formal experience of swimming or water survival skills.

beautyisthefaceisee · 15/07/2022 20:25

Carrieonmywaywardsun · 15/07/2022 19:48

Please do look into water safety before you take him or any other children into wild water. Even in very shallow water children can drown but they can be taught survival skills from birth. A 4 year old with additional needs definitely shouldn't be in wild water with no formal experience of swimming or water survival skills.

He wasn't in wild water. he wasn't in water. why are you making her feel worse?

beautyisthefaceisee · 15/07/2022 20:27

I know it's less scary, but I work in an out of school care. the other day the kids were using VR headsets and one girl was using it in the middle of the room. There were 3 members of staff in the room. She ran by mistake because of what was happening in the VR, right into a table at full pelt. All 3 of us were watching, all 3 of us were near her, and nobody managed to even shout or move in time. Things happen in SECONDS. And parent on here sayiing that they have never been a situation like that is talking absolute rubbish.

Please stop feeling bad.

He could have drowned.

He didn't nearly.

helpfulperson · 15/07/2022 20:28

It's not learning to swim that's important. Some children struggle with that for various reasons. What matters is water confidence, so experience of going into water where they can't touch the bottom and knowing to float on their back in a star fish. These are easier skills but the ones that save lives.

HailAdrian · 15/07/2022 20:34

I have a child with ASD who has little concept of safety. Very frightening sometimes. ❤